It was the night I lost my job. In the back of a cop car. It was all spiritual the things I was doing, and believing and I don't know how to explain soul debt trade and soul debt pain. after I have experiences it....but I was doing something important. It don't look it though, of course. A cab ride was ordered for me to be taken to the hospital...and I ended up punching the cabbie because he was wearing my BLACK hat. I was very about Jake in all that...and I thought I was screaming prophecy of the end of the world into the airwaves of the radio and about abortion...and I knew I was heard. Maybe not in the realm you know, but in one that I know.
And so the cops came. They weren't gentle with me, because I was not being gentle. And the cuffs were very tight. Somewhere along the line cuffs on me triggers memories beyond what I know. They put me in the back of the car...and Jake was talking to me calming me down. And this song was playing on the radio. It just made me bawl because it was so real! Like he was singing it to me from heaven and I just bawled in the back of the cop car....because I freakin know that somewhere else my spiritual stuff is understood. I know 100.
And I don't know how to decipher how when I drop down to Flatt it becomes about Adam again, but it always does. Like my capacity to understand the power in my other world is superseded by other people's realities...but all I know is the other world gives me so many gifts and Jake loves me. I don't know why I can't always believe that because I am pretty sure Adam hates me, at least thats what people have always told me. And then I heard this song today...I rarely turn it to country.
He said "take five months and see if your life gets better." Well its been five years. AND I don't know if my life has gotten better by standard appearances, but my life is definitely more meaningful. I don't know why if I go to the spiritual realm why I can't always believe it after I come back. Why when I come out of it is it such a crash in such an oppositional force? Adam lead me to the realm...took me there. But even if I imagined him showing up in my life for the next twenty years it will probably never happen...because I am scary to Flatt. Not the way he would be proud to have me be his woman.
I keep hearing souls yelling at me and I can't make out what they want...they are testing me. They are testing my strength in my awake, I know from dreams that I can pass this test. If anyone dared tell me that this is chemical imbalance right now I would tell you to wake up and pull your head out of your ass.
You ever wonder why we are all so medicated? Maybe the voices serve a purpose??? Just sayng what do I know. Even in the bible it says gifts will be rained down in the end times. Maybe hearing is a gift. Yeah I am gifted...and maybe when some lady threw a dollar at my 19 year old mom to buy a pacifier on the bus to get me to shut up...people want me to shut up? um I know there's a reason I am stronger than taking my own life. I know with how hard I am attacked, there is a reason!
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