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So I thought this shirt was funny because I don't exercise any more, so its more of a warning for my crazy. Stigma blows but I deal.

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Cheerleaders and Straight Jackets Promo

Cheerleaders and StraightJackets a Journey Through Psychosis found on Amazon! Yes, self published again. I dont get much money from Amazon which is a bummer, I prefer people to order through me. I am very proud of this book, but I only have 2 in the series because I stopped writing. Fortunately I've hit a new level of energy and am writing again!

Divorce

In thinking about my life story, I thought about my divorce and how it almost killed me. For the most part everything in my marriage went well, I thought. But I guess I wasn't a grown up either. I had danced circles around my ex husband while I worked for the City of Billings on the Mayor's Committee on Homelessness. I facilitated meetings and planned a large event to impact homelessness in the area. I did this as a Volunteer in Service to America, or VISTA. And after I did that for two years everyone wanted to hire me...I was on top of the world. While working at a homeless veterans shelter I became pregnant and then eventually manic. I ended up in psych and had a grand mal seizure five months pregnant. It was scary for everyone, but especially me. After I came out of it I wasn't allowed to drive for six months. I did not go back to work until the baby was three weeks old, and then I was so fat and miserable and wanted to be home with ...

An old attempt and old news at Part 3 Cheerleaders and Straightjackets

I remember it all very clearly. That time they were teasing me about my last name. NEHUS. Its pronounced “NESS.” So which time was that? Was it yesterday…or 25 years ago? Well, it was both. Como se dice, Nehus? Ness. A little Spanish for you Spanish speaking folks. So, there I was in a hotel apartment typing again, and I loved it. I loved it so much the way my fingers spanned the keyboard, and I could just know what I was saying and how to say it, my way…something like a virgin finding a hero in a horoscope. Just the ticket to finding what would be next in a line. Signed Nehossi Posse…that was my nickname in high school, and it still sticks to this day with my high school friends! I also remember being in jail the first time in 2013. What a crack! Wack. Working out in the yard, wandering around lost. Happened sometimes in prison too, except we had a track. My...

Where is my muse?

When to come to my mind would be now. Somewhere in this dark and dreary world is my sunshine. Alone alot. Tired alot. Nothing on my mind...where is my muse? Hes gone. There is nothing left to say or write or dream I am old and ready to move on to the next life. I cannot kill myself though. This life has been hard. The ups and downs of it. I am ready for your return Jesus, the waiting part is the hardest. I want to see Jacob. My main man. Someone stole my book "Cheerleaders and Straightjackets." At least they found it interesting! Where are the days where I can come up with talented writing and want to sit here for hours and type??? Why in the world did I lost sight of all that? And when did I become such a slacker? Ive been on disability `11 years now. Its catching up with me. I feel ancient and ready to die. No I am not suicidal I just feel played out. I need to grab hold o...

Adverse Effect

Photo Credit Probation and Parole God I don't know all your reasons, and it doesn't matter. I have you by my side. When I am weak you are strong. So that makes me know you are very strong. And when I see the other side and we are so close that is when they shoot the medication in my ass. I comply. For gosh sake, I comply with all the potent shit they put in me via keeping me quiet. But God's plan for my life is much greater than I can even imagine, and I play in the realm often, so I know its already pretty magical! Buried treasure backwards though time. And I am the girl seeing literal snakes in my hair, mating with plants, and having DNA sequences spiraling up! free on my own brain chemistry, well meds were on board as often, than not. So maybe I have an adverse reaction to anti psychotics, which I have been forced to be on for 26 years. What a treasure the rights to a coffee bean recipe from the Garden of Eden! Or me o...

A Gift

From Thunder Fichter at Thunderfichterontheyellowstone.blogspot.com "Because you're gifted you get treated like you're crazy. Well, I'm here to show the entire fucking world that fearless is not crazy and having a spiritual awakening (which you were born with) is not a clinical ISSUE. The world was wrong to diagnose you, you should have been supported. Your gifts make you brilliant. But the drugs they put you on to dimmer your light definitely effect the brain so they have the excuse to call you whatever they want. It's fucked up." - Thunder Fichter It effects the brain it really does. I have been medicated for a spiritual awakening for 27 years. I don't think the meds help! I am one awakened monster, rolled through the legal system like a red carpet waiting to be a celebrity. I am for sure famous when I cross over. Somewhere I am known to all, and I go there often. But really I am told I am crazy and worthless and a dead beat. No matter my energy ...

Diabetes2

So this is definitely a Big Pharma run country. I've been medicated in some way for 26 years all basing it on my weirdness in saying my chemical imbalance is off? Well no wonder. I've gained like 70 pounds over the years and was recently sent to the state hospital for two months and they have given me the label diabetes2. I was so stressed because I also have goiters in my thyroid and PCOS I'm sure all caused by the hormonal imbalances from the barrage of medication, Im no dieter, I was freaked for about two weeks. No sugar? no carbs??? .But i got a second opinion at Riverstone. They pricked my finger and my A1C was normal and hence I dont qualify for weight loss drugs to be prescribed nor paid for by Medicare. I am however on metformin for Pre diabetes. I lost my Medicaid and Medicare has a huge out of pocket cost for someone on disability. I remember also a time I received pain pills for like $2 because they won't figure out my back....

Naked on the Nile

So there I was all wrapped up in moonlight. Unafraid and finding rest in the fresh sand dunes of Sacrifice Cliff. I was naked under the stars and by far one of the most thrilling nights of my life!!! Id been hanging out with homeless people. Some from all over the world. They had been keeping up with me step for step on even my psychosis and it tripped my lid!!! All the trading and bartering. So that day id taken an older gentleman to the river. As we walked into the woods towards the river everything got really beautiful. A side note of not so side...is that I had left my glasses at home. I knew that day was gonna be live and often I ruin or throw my glasses to the bottoms of lakes!!! Because wait a minute when I am in my heavenlies I can see!!! Its a full blown miracle the way those bluffs with trees turned into natives watching over me, as I floated down the Yellowstone River that warm September day in 2022. So the guy to be unnamed said he was 21 when I asked his age. He looke...

Stepford Wife Syndrome

LOL. I think when God put my package together He must have really had a good laugh. I am like WTF? I really got to stop trying with these recovery groups...the latest was a native culture group...why did I think I would fit? Why? They said all were welcome? Other white people go there. I share how I do relate... maybe being a felon for texting is like the stupidest thing to ever admit to...but I am real. Too real! Why am I even surprised that my sharing comes across as holier than thou? I try to explain my struggle and it doesn't matter...I am a Stepford wife with no man, no money, living in public housing, a felon, disabled mentally, alcoholic and I am still not "on the level..." with other people who live those things. I know its the way I carry myself and that I am nice and not guarded...like nothing bad ever happened to my stupid ass? Maybe that's my character defect. I laughed with the leader of the group after and said I...

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