Where did I leave off with this blog, lol? Somewhere in the past I presume! I used to write on here every day, so much to go through, its like Pandora's Box of writing! All those memories and characters, late nights and dreams. I do not know if it was destined for me to be a writer, but it certainly did come out in my mid 30s.
Back to the present. I have a home. I have a desk in an office room where I will also be working out. 8 days later, have I worked out? No. So I am a little perturbed about my energy levels...this all too familiar rut, Where I go down to dye. This little to intent on being alive. Because I am just a shell. I feel old lately. Ancient. Like all the years have tumbled out before me, and I am settling in the dust. What would it mean to truly awaken from this dream. This circle of dreams.
I've come to the conclusion that I have trouble writing a book, when I am low energy. The problem being I don't have my creativity. When I am manic the ideas just circle around me. This is coming out like pulling teeth. Please God help me write this book.
amen.
But, I've been here before and for awhile...I just had an episode in Decemeber that I thought snapped me out of it and I got all these ideas going for a book, and over this month of January I have retreated into "nothingness." Bummer. Bipolar Psychosis is no joke! Psychotic depression, no thanks~!
So please be praying for me to push through these emotions into something greater. If you have at all read my blog you know I am creative and hold onto an etheral energy that guides my writing. Its hell being dissconnected from that! I know I am so much more.
I've been having some disturbances of the other world, like I am being watched closely, and the thought processes that come with that. Just something bigger than me and out of my control and that makes me feel very helpless. This feels like it is going on forever and there should be some kind of resolution...its so real to me and makes sense and that is what I want to write a book about. I want to be able to describe my psychotic world in a way that it will relate to other people...or at least entertain!
Its been so long since I released a book and the years just kinda meld into ech other and I am just surviving. I want to thrive! Seems so hard to overcome everything I've been dealt in this life, but I just really want to win this battle!
Keep me in your prayers ya all!
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