Well I went to the Montana Peer Network meeting tonight. I got some hope in me yet. I guess my plan is just ahead of where things are at in the community...and like a totally new concept to just be throwing out there. Also budget cuts for everyone... people are losing their jobs.
I told my therapist today I've been hearing alot. Honestly they say really stupid shit to me so I am pretty easily able to fight it...and focus on what I am doing. No offense voices trying to attack me...but I've been mocked plenty in my life...and yes I know Adam doesn't love me so try surprising me with some other shit...you're boring me. It's certainly an annoyance and that's about all...so far so good. I told my therapist if there came a point I couldn't handle it I would take an emergency med. I'm just handling my business as usual... very much tired though.
I am so glad I went to that meeting because I needed to know that I was ahead of the times and not just being told no because of being a felon. Like the referral to Score today with an appointment cancelled a half hour before. I really was so mad! And then Scores last question was of course "have you been convicted of a felony?" Like why don't they just make that the first fukn question so you're not wasting you're time.
All my energy in positive directions is futile. But having goals is what keeps me alive...so I guess God puts them in my spirit for a reason. Even goals like winning a man's heart. But that's the killer of my spirit too. The voices just told me I am being immature and to get over it. Maybe they are just attempting to give me life advice and yelling every mean thing they can think of. Well good for them...very creative of ya all.
I'm going to sleep and shutting off the noise...please don't be scared of me for what I go through... just another day in paradise for me.
I told my therapist today I've been hearing alot. Honestly they say really stupid shit to me so I am pretty easily able to fight it...and focus on what I am doing. No offense voices trying to attack me...but I've been mocked plenty in my life...and yes I know Adam doesn't love me so try surprising me with some other shit...you're boring me. It's certainly an annoyance and that's about all...so far so good. I told my therapist if there came a point I couldn't handle it I would take an emergency med. I'm just handling my business as usual... very much tired though.
I am so glad I went to that meeting because I needed to know that I was ahead of the times and not just being told no because of being a felon. Like the referral to Score today with an appointment cancelled a half hour before. I really was so mad! And then Scores last question was of course "have you been convicted of a felony?" Like why don't they just make that the first fukn question so you're not wasting you're time.
All my energy in positive directions is futile. But having goals is what keeps me alive...so I guess God puts them in my spirit for a reason. Even goals like winning a man's heart. But that's the killer of my spirit too. The voices just told me I am being immature and to get over it. Maybe they are just attempting to give me life advice and yelling every mean thing they can think of. Well good for them...very creative of ya all.
I'm going to sleep and shutting off the noise...please don't be scared of me for what I go through... just another day in paradise for me.
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