You know when you know that you are not an average bear when you wake up from a dream about expungement of criminal records. Its kind like understanding that you may in fact not be "just crazy..." and maybe a prophet of revolution! LOL. Maybe just maybe someone important...or maybe just a major socialist!
I was a very good girl growing up. Got mixed up in bad shit every now and then, but I had the privilege of opportunity until I became a felon at 34. What I had really going for me before that was a good reputation in the community after some volunteer service. The city was my oyster...and I had great references that are all gone from my life now. I was also interviewed hired as a director of a non profit to implement a re-entry program for females offenders! I had the job for a week went to a conference to learn about some program from Ohio? I think...and then I was three credits shy of my bachelors (you need 130? I had 176 credits lol, but needed one stupid philosophy class) IRONY ALL AROUND.
For some reason now God has placed me in a world of criminals and "not so good deed doers." I thought of the way it is here in America. Not good. Too much crime and poverty and broken systems. And if I can be "status" destroyed and dejected from the cultural platform of being considered part of a "do good" committee that I facilitated because I have a mental illness, wow what happens to others? I fully feel that is my calling and purpose to express the failures in our systems and maybe, why oh why I might be on this planet! Gosh darnit their may be a reason! And here I sit all up in the system...but in five months, I can tell my story as retro! I am not a felon...but this is how felons are treated, this is how it made me feel...and this is why I advocate for reform!
And you know what I know about people in charge in this town, is they like to hear the "overcoming" stories and how you did it...many do not like to hear about the "struggle." Because the struggle is overwhelming and too massive to bear witness. Or they just think it is being taken care of, or that all those people in need are just "lazy?" Everyone has problems!!! BUT...let's hear how you survived your life being destroyed by falling in love and texting too much!
And I don't know that I would still be in love with Adam? Can't say for sure. I think all me getting in massive trouble, did was attach me to the storyline...of what went down. Sure I had the psychosis about him being my soul mate...but if he had just been meh "I feel sorry for her...she's crazy didn''t mean to scare me...I won't punish her for it." "Meh" I wouldn't be who I am today, lol. I wouldn't be a writer and I prolly would not give a fuk about the people I do now. I would be a happily married drone bot and prolly working as a case manager or something. Cause I also know that knowing Adam exacerbated, nay I say, "spiritually extracted" and perpetuated my psychosis. Like twenty now in five years, lol. FUN TIMES. That's pretty much why I know it isn't just random and serves a spiritual purpose! Four in 16 years versus 20 some in five years? I think something got plugged in lol.
And my dream was about something I was thinking of months ago. Criminal expungement.
I wonder how many other women wanted to be doctors growing up? Or lawyers, or police officers...or even judges. I wonder how many criminals would turn their lives around...go to school or have incentive to work, and become functioning members of society if given the chance? If they could make all that effort worth it? I had every door pretty much slam in my face once I became a felon...and I have seven years of education. Alot of people would turn it around. Trust me I know...because I have heard so many stories of woe and regret...in and out of the doors and they give up. Whats the point? I tweeted the president an idea in May...it was to make Billings a pilot project for recovery. Monitor persons with criminal records for sobriety for five years...while putting them to work or help them go to school.
I think if my felony was permanent and even if I had a doctorate I still wouldn't be able to get jobs I wanted. To explain my reason for a felony for the rest of my life? Plus I coudn't get Voc Rehab to invest in my education..."they are helping the sickest first." A little girl dream of being a doctor is stupid I guess. But I just think if someone said to an addict. "We are going to monitor your recovery, make it very hard on you and give you granola bars...coffee cards and a certificate that you made it...then you are going to go back out in the world with a fresh start knowing you can set your mind to be whatever you want...but you are still a felon." Your time spent isn't time, this is a life time sentence of rejection and shame for your behavior and illness of addiction. Bonus* "created in itself by the system."
So I am gonna come up with a little proposal...just my ideas on how this would work and what it would look like for just our city. IMA freak, ya know...like seriously have no sway whatsoever in this world besides the way I look and can talk to professional people....thats a rare gift. And my life experience of course...I am speaking about my Black Ink plan at a Talking Circle next week...things are happening. Lol but I always but things are "ALWAYS HAPPENING" for me! I am a caboose trying to push a train...and then I look again and they detached me! Oh well, I keep having faith! And I am not afraid to challenge President Trump to a dual called "Let's Not Start a Civil War...Let's Just Actually Boost Our Economy...Change Systems...Give the Cops a Fricken Break...Make Drugs Less Enticing...Dismantle for Profit Healthcare...Decrease Suicide...YOU KNOW...RECOVERY!
Keep the Faith
I was a very good girl growing up. Got mixed up in bad shit every now and then, but I had the privilege of opportunity until I became a felon at 34. What I had really going for me before that was a good reputation in the community after some volunteer service. The city was my oyster...and I had great references that are all gone from my life now. I was also interviewed hired as a director of a non profit to implement a re-entry program for females offenders! I had the job for a week went to a conference to learn about some program from Ohio? I think...and then I was three credits shy of my bachelors (you need 130? I had 176 credits lol, but needed one stupid philosophy class) IRONY ALL AROUND.
For some reason now God has placed me in a world of criminals and "not so good deed doers." I thought of the way it is here in America. Not good. Too much crime and poverty and broken systems. And if I can be "status" destroyed and dejected from the cultural platform of being considered part of a "do good" committee that I facilitated because I have a mental illness, wow what happens to others? I fully feel that is my calling and purpose to express the failures in our systems and maybe, why oh why I might be on this planet! Gosh darnit their may be a reason! And here I sit all up in the system...but in five months, I can tell my story as retro! I am not a felon...but this is how felons are treated, this is how it made me feel...and this is why I advocate for reform!
And you know what I know about people in charge in this town, is they like to hear the "overcoming" stories and how you did it...many do not like to hear about the "struggle." Because the struggle is overwhelming and too massive to bear witness. Or they just think it is being taken care of, or that all those people in need are just "lazy?" Everyone has problems!!! BUT...let's hear how you survived your life being destroyed by falling in love and texting too much!
And I don't know that I would still be in love with Adam? Can't say for sure. I think all me getting in massive trouble, did was attach me to the storyline...of what went down. Sure I had the psychosis about him being my soul mate...but if he had just been meh "I feel sorry for her...she's crazy didn''t mean to scare me...I won't punish her for it." "Meh" I wouldn't be who I am today, lol. I wouldn't be a writer and I prolly would not give a fuk about the people I do now. I would be a happily married drone bot and prolly working as a case manager or something. Cause I also know that knowing Adam exacerbated, nay I say, "spiritually extracted" and perpetuated my psychosis. Like twenty now in five years, lol. FUN TIMES. That's pretty much why I know it isn't just random and serves a spiritual purpose! Four in 16 years versus 20 some in five years? I think something got plugged in lol.
And my dream was about something I was thinking of months ago. Criminal expungement.
I wonder how many other women wanted to be doctors growing up? Or lawyers, or police officers...or even judges. I wonder how many criminals would turn their lives around...go to school or have incentive to work, and become functioning members of society if given the chance? If they could make all that effort worth it? I had every door pretty much slam in my face once I became a felon...and I have seven years of education. Alot of people would turn it around. Trust me I know...because I have heard so many stories of woe and regret...in and out of the doors and they give up. Whats the point? I tweeted the president an idea in May...it was to make Billings a pilot project for recovery. Monitor persons with criminal records for sobriety for five years...while putting them to work or help them go to school.
I think if my felony was permanent and even if I had a doctorate I still wouldn't be able to get jobs I wanted. To explain my reason for a felony for the rest of my life? Plus I coudn't get Voc Rehab to invest in my education..."they are helping the sickest first." A little girl dream of being a doctor is stupid I guess. But I just think if someone said to an addict. "We are going to monitor your recovery, make it very hard on you and give you granola bars...coffee cards and a certificate that you made it...then you are going to go back out in the world with a fresh start knowing you can set your mind to be whatever you want...but you are still a felon." Your time spent isn't time, this is a life time sentence of rejection and shame for your behavior and illness of addiction. Bonus* "created in itself by the system."
So I am gonna come up with a little proposal...just my ideas on how this would work and what it would look like for just our city. IMA freak, ya know...like seriously have no sway whatsoever in this world besides the way I look and can talk to professional people....thats a rare gift. And my life experience of course...I am speaking about my Black Ink plan at a Talking Circle next week...things are happening. Lol but I always but things are "ALWAYS HAPPENING" for me! I am a caboose trying to push a train...and then I look again and they detached me! Oh well, I keep having faith! And I am not afraid to challenge President Trump to a dual called "Let's Not Start a Civil War...Let's Just Actually Boost Our Economy...Change Systems...Give the Cops a Fricken Break...Make Drugs Less Enticing...Dismantle for Profit Healthcare...Decrease Suicide...YOU KNOW...RECOVERY!
Keep the Faith
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