Do you know that when you Google information specifically about mental health or detox from meds...you come up with "addiction services" and there is not really much separation in what the needs may be individually. I know there are alot of dual diagnosed but why have it all combined? There is a bumper sticker created here in Billings by the Mental Health Advisory Board that I used to be part of (need to go back) It reads like this in bright yellow and black. "Caution treatment for mental illness can cause recovery." It makes me shudder...I have never thought it was a good way to put it.
Using words like "treatment" and "recovery" are synonymous with addictions. Entitling other people without illness to believe that if they only managed just right a person can quit or "recover" from mental illness...maybe even stop injecting it into their anticubitis? This assumes that all or most people with mental illness can just fall right in place with the addictions treatment and blend quite well. Well not me! Putting a caution symbol on a mentally ill person and calling it promoting awareness? Ima wear a caution tape dress for Halloween, lol...but I don't want to be reminded by a sticker on my car? Like "look the fuk out for me I am mental and unsafe" ( I am a good driver except when off roading in the Garden of Eden.)
And also am I recovered in the standards of the program? Hell no! Its all about appearances and holding it together sober...I do shit like throw apples at brick walls when they wont let me use a restroom. Shocking! So for five fricken years I have been doing this, and I don't "appear" recovered. So what standards are we using to call someone recovered? Recovered would look different for everyone. I don't drink or use drugs...yet I am trafficked into a program of abstinence, because that one size fits all approach seems to be like a god. In How it Works it says "There are some too that have grave emotional and mental disorders, many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest." And then our illnesses are considered out side issues! And I am hella freaking honest!
And then I try with Mental Health Center and I am literally told I don't need a case manager at all? That would come in real nice right about now! And I was stuck downtown and went to the HUB and had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that like saved my life...and I got told by a someone who sees me at meetings, pretty much that I didn't belong there? So where do I go? Where do I go to hang out outside of meetings? That was in my business plan. Maybe I just trapped in a middle world tangle of who I used to be, and who I have become, and its confusing and lonely to be a single woman without a clique of other humans to spend time with, I think mostly its because people won't take the time to get to know me...because I lead with my chin lol. Or PS maybe it is because I do crazy shit? Let's not analyze that all day folks!
Anyway I am gonna split...gotta figure out how to get to my interview at the hotel...no gas. I've been doing pretty well with the poverty extreme and really super pumped that I havn't smoked a pack a day! And not having cravings because I use the vape and it helps!!! I always have to remember to bring food and drinks from home because I have not done shit about losing my wallet, I think off the back of my car after fueling up. Kinda burnt out on anything to do with my wallet...my last 20 dollars was in there, so I hope whoever found it needed it more than me! Duoh!
Comments