Well I am looking down the barrel of three weeks with no money. The car insurance didn't come through for three weeks and then I didn't meet my deductible, I had my car fixed last week and used up all my money. I was so pissed I threw a chair. Out of character not psychotic, yes. I kind of know I am not employable in most situations, so I look through all the things I used to do, and also think how can they pay housekeepers 8.50 an hour and how long would it take me to get resentful and pissed about it? I normally do very well with the money I have and rebuilt my credit, but this last trip to heaven set me back in a bad way.
I don't know what to do...I know I have to make my own way with all this...but part of me just wants to panhandle for now. Make sign like "Former AmeriCorps VISTA for the City- Gone psycho hose beast disabled felon...or something of that nature. My mom just suggested "went to heaven for a couple weeks and gave all my money away..." I guess would also promote my writing. Yeah I was giving 20's to homeless people...pretty darn sweet of me, if ya ask me!
I am getting angry at the situation...because it is so real and then I come back to what? Zero understanding and an upside down bank account...broke down car...no food...etc! That's pretty typical shit right there. Doesn't mean I am used to it. Doesn't mean I know how to cope without money for three weeks while still owing a car payment and the court and a traffic warrant...and Target card payment. There goes my credit.
Kind of not fair. I got some rage in a cage tonight. I should either A) stay home and pout or B) go to a meeting and try not to blow up on someone...or C) go be a hooker.
I wouldn't even know my fair going rate...so better just go to a meeting and use up my assets in life, which is a fourth a tank of gas...and yeah that's it... a fourth a tank of gas. Oh and I have a laptop and access to food. So that's tits! I'm going to try not to mooch cigs cause thinking about being able to do that to get the pain to stop, just makes the pain worse and me crazy. If I look at it like I am trying to quit and not "forced" to quit the world may be a less bitchy place!
Will I ever regret my trips to heaven? NEVER EVER EVER!!! So if I look at it from that blessed angle...Ima be ok! God provides...but I prayed today and said God HELP ME! He said "I AM" which he always does, but then I said...I mean financially help me...I am specifically asking for green bills right now! And I am no bank robber! And then I am like ah fuk what is he trying to teach me now??? What is gonna be the great epiphany? I already did two weeks no money or car last month and now three weeks? I guess really that's what they mean by starving artist, only for me its usually like a day or two not weeks!!!
I will keep you posted! Cause I am gonna be home all the time! YAY maybe get inspired to work on the book again!
I don't know what to do...I know I have to make my own way with all this...but part of me just wants to panhandle for now. Make sign like "Former AmeriCorps VISTA for the City- Gone psycho hose beast disabled felon...or something of that nature. My mom just suggested "went to heaven for a couple weeks and gave all my money away..." I guess would also promote my writing. Yeah I was giving 20's to homeless people...pretty darn sweet of me, if ya ask me!
I am getting angry at the situation...because it is so real and then I come back to what? Zero understanding and an upside down bank account...broke down car...no food...etc! That's pretty typical shit right there. Doesn't mean I am used to it. Doesn't mean I know how to cope without money for three weeks while still owing a car payment and the court and a traffic warrant...and Target card payment. There goes my credit.
Kind of not fair. I got some rage in a cage tonight. I should either A) stay home and pout or B) go to a meeting and try not to blow up on someone...or C) go be a hooker.
I wouldn't even know my fair going rate...so better just go to a meeting and use up my assets in life, which is a fourth a tank of gas...and yeah that's it... a fourth a tank of gas. Oh and I have a laptop and access to food. So that's tits! I'm going to try not to mooch cigs cause thinking about being able to do that to get the pain to stop, just makes the pain worse and me crazy. If I look at it like I am trying to quit and not "forced" to quit the world may be a less bitchy place!
Will I ever regret my trips to heaven? NEVER EVER EVER!!! So if I look at it from that blessed angle...Ima be ok! God provides...but I prayed today and said God HELP ME! He said "I AM" which he always does, but then I said...I mean financially help me...I am specifically asking for green bills right now! And I am no bank robber! And then I am like ah fuk what is he trying to teach me now??? What is gonna be the great epiphany? I already did two weeks no money or car last month and now three weeks? I guess really that's what they mean by starving artist, only for me its usually like a day or two not weeks!!!
I will keep you posted! Cause I am gonna be home all the time! YAY maybe get inspired to work on the book again!
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