I think its really weird how when things go well for me it is really beautiful and everything is smooth sailing, like I am blessed and my fingertips are magic. Not so the last few weeks. I just about started screaming when I came home and my fancy shmancy built in air condition won't turn on...and I had just went to the bank and they had my card reported lost/stolen, but did not order the new one, which I asked them to do and have been waiting to get money so I can check my mail and get food stamp card out. I've been waiting for two weeks. Then I go to get my mail box key replaced and they need the lease agreement and $45 to replace my key!
The past few weeks its like if anything could go wrong it has and it is the complete opposite of when I am up. Blessed and cursed! When I am manic its like the supernatural steps in and puts things in my path in a logical order and I feel really gifted. Nothing is too big for me and it is just so weird how now every time I turn around its another issue for me...another obstacle in the way. I see that must just be how my mind clicks in other stages where life was a breeze and easy for me. I wonder if now I can remember for myself...when you feel confident and like things are going well for you for a couple months...you'll soon have an army of little men at your bidding! LOL.
I was pretty upset explaining my ego in the meeting today. Its rough thinking you are important and making a difference, when you really don't. I talked about when I worked for the city and how everyone praised me and I could have had any job I wanted. I also had the thought about what my mom said to me is I acted like I was better than the judge in treatment court. I had talked with all kinds of city officials and important people on a regular basis. I was one of them until I had a mental illness...and I guess that's why I am so chapped! Like I helped 100's of people with mental illness and addictions, but then when I had my own I was forgotten. It makes sense that I am like really what the fuk? A gal after me in the meeting said she had never been successful but and so she didn't have too far to fall and I thought about my ego being bruised, and decided that it rightly is, but I wouldn't change my experience in the real world. And that I wouldn't be who I am today concerned with what I am if I had stayed with the "in" crowd. Ya know? I would be living a mute pointless existence probably married to a lawyer with anger issues and me still drinking to be the life of the party with some fake ass bitches that want to sell me makeup and jewelry....oh and the things that don't work that make you skinnier...almost forgot that! Plus they would want to compete on everything...who's got the better whatever....house, travel plans,kids, yard. I'm out the matrix bitches and I got the biggest balls, lol!
I wonder sometimes if our destinies are all mapped out? Our steps numbered...who we are gonna be and why? I think its a conspiracy really...the whole United States....the world. And I think so many people are just in the dark. I think this because of have studied my own city at length...how it operates...government, business...social systems. I also took sociology as a prerequisite for ultrasound school, and I almost switched majors I found it so interesting. That can't be the America I know? I was 22. Learned about systems and classifications. I had studied the Holocaust as a twelve year old. I always went above and beyond on my reports...genius that I am. And these are all the types of things that lead up to a New Order.
I remember when I had my mouth swabbed for loving a man once! When you become a felon they put your DNA on file. And my "sperm movie" kind of showed me how they use DNA. Trust me their is a supreme race on this planet, that utilizes this information. Playing God with the advent of technology. I think that the cure for diseases, cancer, parkinsons, dementia, mental illness can all be found in our DNA. And when I say "our" I mean the ones that are in the systems being controlled by the Drug War. And of course how much money is made on pharmaceuticals? Fuk I worked in a hospital...I've seen this machine! They utilize poverty systems and our health as a way of control. They have built this empire, and when I go to heaven a hospital is like a museum. There is no need for hospitals where I go...no money to be made! I take their snake oil meds. I take two...I don't want to at all, I despise this system! But as my mother says this is the society I live in and that is my option. And they make me fat and infertile...awesome! What is the benefit of making females infertile in an entire population? Or what is the profit to make one overweight? Was this not the type of things Hitler was doing experiments for??? Selective breeding for a supreme race. In my book this has been hidden in a "cell" for the spiritual descendants of Adam and Eve. And since it is my book and my psychosis that remembers that and I don't know why...I am just gonna write my book like it is true and real, and explain it to myself!!! Because I don't know why I have those memories. Here is my first chapter!
There it is my first chapter...I seriously need to work on some more chapters...I am in the process of formulating ideas. I need to think more of the "Game of Life," but I do know it involves DNA and the Holocaust!!! As well as how the internet collects data on people...build it and they will come!
The past few weeks its like if anything could go wrong it has and it is the complete opposite of when I am up. Blessed and cursed! When I am manic its like the supernatural steps in and puts things in my path in a logical order and I feel really gifted. Nothing is too big for me and it is just so weird how now every time I turn around its another issue for me...another obstacle in the way. I see that must just be how my mind clicks in other stages where life was a breeze and easy for me. I wonder if now I can remember for myself...when you feel confident and like things are going well for you for a couple months...you'll soon have an army of little men at your bidding! LOL.
I was pretty upset explaining my ego in the meeting today. Its rough thinking you are important and making a difference, when you really don't. I talked about when I worked for the city and how everyone praised me and I could have had any job I wanted. I also had the thought about what my mom said to me is I acted like I was better than the judge in treatment court. I had talked with all kinds of city officials and important people on a regular basis. I was one of them until I had a mental illness...and I guess that's why I am so chapped! Like I helped 100's of people with mental illness and addictions, but then when I had my own I was forgotten. It makes sense that I am like really what the fuk? A gal after me in the meeting said she had never been successful but and so she didn't have too far to fall and I thought about my ego being bruised, and decided that it rightly is, but I wouldn't change my experience in the real world. And that I wouldn't be who I am today concerned with what I am if I had stayed with the "in" crowd. Ya know? I would be living a mute pointless existence probably married to a lawyer with anger issues and me still drinking to be the life of the party with some fake ass bitches that want to sell me makeup and jewelry....oh and the things that don't work that make you skinnier...almost forgot that! Plus they would want to compete on everything...who's got the better whatever....house, travel plans,kids, yard. I'm out the matrix bitches and I got the biggest balls, lol!
I wonder sometimes if our destinies are all mapped out? Our steps numbered...who we are gonna be and why? I think its a conspiracy really...the whole United States....the world. And I think so many people are just in the dark. I think this because of have studied my own city at length...how it operates...government, business...social systems. I also took sociology as a prerequisite for ultrasound school, and I almost switched majors I found it so interesting. That can't be the America I know? I was 22. Learned about systems and classifications. I had studied the Holocaust as a twelve year old. I always went above and beyond on my reports...genius that I am. And these are all the types of things that lead up to a New Order.
I remember when I had my mouth swabbed for loving a man once! When you become a felon they put your DNA on file. And my "sperm movie" kind of showed me how they use DNA. Trust me their is a supreme race on this planet, that utilizes this information. Playing God with the advent of technology. I think that the cure for diseases, cancer, parkinsons, dementia, mental illness can all be found in our DNA. And when I say "our" I mean the ones that are in the systems being controlled by the Drug War. And of course how much money is made on pharmaceuticals? Fuk I worked in a hospital...I've seen this machine! They utilize poverty systems and our health as a way of control. They have built this empire, and when I go to heaven a hospital is like a museum. There is no need for hospitals where I go...no money to be made! I take their snake oil meds. I take two...I don't want to at all, I despise this system! But as my mother says this is the society I live in and that is my option. And they make me fat and infertile...awesome! What is the benefit of making females infertile in an entire population? Or what is the profit to make one overweight? Was this not the type of things Hitler was doing experiments for??? Selective breeding for a supreme race. In my book this has been hidden in a "cell" for the spiritual descendants of Adam and Eve. And since it is my book and my psychosis that remembers that and I don't know why...I am just gonna write my book like it is true and real, and explain it to myself!!! Because I don't know why I have those memories. Here is my first chapter!
Chapter
1
God’s
Will
Adam is in the Garden. “Father?” This plan you have for us to bring home all
souls safely? How many souls will there
be? This seems a big task for the first
and the last. This is all so unclear.”
“FOLLOW MY WILL…HE IS IN YOU…and I
AM is in HIM. My Will is in small cell...”
“Oh, Father tell me this, how will
I ever meet this Eve you talk about in a small cell?
“Take rest Adam…You will meet Eve
in the morning, and you will have a lifetime dream at night, and when you awake
it will be last times, you will find MY Will in a prison cell.”
“So how long will this take God,
and what is a sell?”
“The circle of life is but a
blink, and the sale is at a market.” And God winked, at Adam.
“Oh, be fruitful and reproduce…and
sell cells at a "mark" it…” Adam was
genetically pure, and spiritually called sketchitfindit . He was God’s plan for mankind. As Adam drifted off, God gave him a tattoo on
his left ribcage, it said “Steigen fur den Mond.” And then as quickly as he had made Adam a
German Soldier…he set little Eve down in the grass in the garden…she had grown
up there from embryonic stage safe in his hands, to the age of 15, before Adam
even awoke back to the garden.
Eve’s spirit was one with nature,
in the Garden of Eden and God gave her a native tongue to all languages, that
would give breath on the earth. With delight he talented her mind with all good
knowledge from the beginning to the end. He let her swim in pools overflowing
with life, so she would connect to all, for at that time even the molecules of
water represented human souls. Two hydrogen, and God’s breathe of life in
oxygen. Eve knew of birth and death, and
understood life cycles, and growth. She was made to be Trifecta. This meant her
mind saw in three dimensions. This also created a splice in her genetic code,
that would always be able to remember, important information at the right
moment. During the time she was growing up without knowing of her mate, her beauty
surpassed anything in the world that God had created thus far. All she had to
do to make the flowers and trees grow was hum…hmmmmmmmmm. She knew nothing of Adam, and as she blossomed,
as a rose with no thorns, dancing and full of laughter, Adam had been falling
in love with her, in his dreams.
The dreams he liked best, had all been
of Eve, and the garden paradise which was their home. He had seen God breathe
life into his mate, by taking out his left rib.
“Nishmat Chayyim.” He saw her
dancing about the garden and laughing at the beauty of stars, and swimming in
oceans, riding the backs of dolphins.
Eve had had a wonderful childhood growing up with God, in the Garden…as
had Adam. He could never get near her in the dreams though, also he could not
understand her languages. It was her laughter that made him love. He realized that
God had sketched them twins, but completely polar opposites; in all ways. Adam had dark skin, black. And Eve’s skin was white as snow. She had long flowing curly red hair, and
green eyes, and the rosiest red lips. It
was their DNA that held all life,
for generations to be born. For traits
they were also built opposite, in the garden they were complete equals with
varying talents, all that pleased God.
When they finally met walking near
a waterfall, it was as if they had known each other for all eternity. They walked and held hands and smiled at each
other a lot, but Adam still could not understand her words. Physically their differences were astounding
and stirred up great passion between them. The purpose of this union was to
bring a memory so powerful that it could not be unshaken from Eve, the one that
carries remembrance. And eventually because Eve was matched to Adam so
perfectly she could read his spiritual sketchit. Because Eve was able to
understand Adam’s every posture and blink, because she had connected with every
type of being on the earth, they began to be able to communicate in such a
profound way, it were as if they were building what would be an empire. She began to share her womanly knowledge with
Adam, and Adam showed her all the things he had learned to do, while he had
grown as a man, laboring in the garden.
So the two young ones frolicked
and “fooled around” in the garden for
many years, possibly hundreds. They knew
every inch of one another. One day they met under a tree. Because they both knew everything about
everything, that God had told them, they had an overwhelming sense of
superiority. “So it’s a game, Adam! I am so smart at games! It is over, in a minute! God said a blink, and you will miss it!” Eve exclaimed. “But don’t you think if we
knew about the evil too, we would be better at the game??? “Hey,
ADAM ! Let’s carve our names into this tree!” Eve talked way more than Adam, and that
frankly was because God had given her more knowledge…but Adam loved to learn
new things from his woman.
“Eve…this is the EVIL tree! God said the Game of Life was about the
knowledge in this tree…carving our names in it?” “Woman you are crazy!”
“Adam, God said; “don’t eat from
this tree”…he didn’t say we couldn’t claim it and mark it! You are such a wuss! Seriously, this is not a big deal.”
“You push all limits don’t
you?” Adam trying to take authority, but
was kind of into Eve’s idea anyway, to
just let God know that the tree didn’t frighten him…and it was about the love
he felt for Eve, if they bonded to the tree, then they would be more like God,
and God’s secrets about the Game of Life, would be theirs too.
So the two set two carving up the
tree, it was a huge carving of a circle…the names Adam and Eve, and leaf
growing up on the right side. “Well”
thought Eve “we are genius!” “We didn’t
eat Off the Leaf!” Adam smiled…and then
he remembered God’s Will and the small cell.
And how of the time he had slept, and not been able to touch Eve. “Eve, when is the last time you have
slept?”
“Um Adam…I don’t know what you
mean by the word “slept?” Although they
had been together for an eternity, they had no concept of time. For during this time there had always been
light, and as the carving of the symbol in the tree strengthened, darkness came
over the Garden for the first time.
And thunder rolled. They felt fear and it was a new emotion. “But, God We didn’t eat it off the leaf!” They were making excuses for messing with the
tree…hmmmmmm is the sound of sand in the glass as time passes through
time. Hmmmmm, is also sound that Eve
makes, to help living things thrive. But now in the dark clouds, shaking and
trembling, holding each other so very close, Eve ever so slowly, fell asleep
for this first time, and she forgot about Adam, but only for what seemed a
minute. Adam held her close, and there they slept for thousands of years,
surrounded by an entire Universe of Paradise …and
God set the clock. Love’s Timer, and it
ticks…to this day. And thus began day
and night, and thus began the Game of Life.
So in laughter, so filled with joy
God tossed an apple, and a snake into the Paradise Valley, as if he were
rolling dice. And the snake and the
apple ended up right near Bozeman, Montana. And the reason God was laughed is because He
is I AM, the Alpha and Omega, and most folks in these parts just call him, “WILL.” And because God knows the whole story from
beginning to end, this should only take a minute, trust me. And if you can’t trust me, Trust Will. And when I say “me,” I mean the one who is
telling this story. And I don’t even know who I am yet for sure. Call me “Mandy” I presume.
There it is my first chapter...I seriously need to work on some more chapters...I am in the process of formulating ideas. I need to think more of the "Game of Life," but I do know it involves DNA and the Holocaust!!! As well as how the internet collects data on people...build it and they will come!
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