Matthew 18:18 "Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth with be loosed in heaven."
So when you think about what you wouldn't want in heaven what do you think of? I know that when I am in heaven I am doing things on earth to bind and loose. And I was doing it with my hair and a hair tie...and braids and cords. Up, down...knots, braids and buns. I am really glad I stopped dyeing it...because I have so many colors in it...like a coat of many colors! Silver, white, blonde, red, brown and I had seen black in it...just strands. But now I look and the black is gone!
Another thing that is weird to me is sometimes I can look at my teeth and think wow they are pretty white for being a smoker since high school! Thanks. And other times I look and they are really yellow like a smoker and coffee drinkers would be! Is this a hallucination? I don't know!
The way I see my body changes and that may be from meds because it seems I can get fat like overnight...especially on my belly. That's probably from meds because I do not overeat...but one day I am like I look good just the way I am, and feel ok with the way it is I am voluptuous, and then the next time I look I go...that is disgusting! I guess that may be pretty normal and I threw out my scale but I know that the meds I am on are making my belly worse.
Yesterday I knew I should eat but didn't have an appetite so I was like just eat a piece of bread. Then the bread turned into the body of Christ. And I was laying in my bed eating it. He said accept your body...I am like...you mean MY BODY? Yes your body...then I said I don't like my body! Just accept your body! Accept everything about your body! Now accept MY body...everything except YOUR body...and I was like wow what is Jesus trying to tell me here! I said I was confused and He said don't be confused...just accept! Except your body! I was like damn that was far out! Cause I know that this body is going BYE BYE!!!
Also the way I see myself in general fluctuates daily...sometimes all day long and that makes me wonder if I am crossing in and out of my realms faster...one time when I was psychotic at Dragon's...I thought when I go into the house, I am in one realm and when I go out I am in the other! I think this is why sometimes I think that people are not who they appear to be.
And then I remember writing Blinded and that I don't think what I am being told about illnesses is true! And how when I go to heaven a hospital is like a museum! And this is all my perspective on the very same Billings, MT. Its not like a transport off the scene...all the same people I just see them different...in and out...in and out! The "Ourglass."
And it is also how I feel understood by pretty much everyone and we are all on the same mission sometimes, and other times people are looking at me funny...so whatever I am doing I generally try to blend and not be too weird in either realm. And lol I say generally! I almost got carried away at Family Service, yesterday a little social service place that helps people with food and clothes and utilities and such...everyone was in there traded stuff I swear. Everyone knows what were are doing and I was like thinking of the holocaust and how they made people strip off their clothes and leave them. And now its this big constantly churning circle of trading poor for wealth. Argh. I can't explain it very well right now...just trading. And in certain moments I think that everyone knows what is happening. The thrift store part is called "Family Treasures..." so you know!
When I would go to hell, I would always think I was the last to figure everything out. Like I was the most stupid person to ever walk the earth. Maybe I was? But God doesn't like the weird "stupid" or "retard" and I can't believe I recently used that word on my blog for someone who is probably a King in the other realm. No excuse for that bitchy attitude! I pick up on vibes easily and I had always been nice to this man, you know give him a Kleenex for his slobber...ask him how he is everyday. And yes he is not pretty on the eyes, but who says my eyes are correct, anyway? And then he doesn't do my bidding that day and I get all bitchy. Like I am a queen in this realm and he is my slave and must do what I say, or else. I think I might have been ok had I felt safe physically, but he was a horrible driver...and isn't that what it is all about? Feeling safe physically? But I have put myself in plenty of unsafe situations physically and didn't turn into a raging bitch. So with that being said I was off the hook calling him that. I am sorry!
Wondering if I was a human like Helen Keller in a past life...not saying "I know this." Just saying my soul knows way more than this life. So if I think everyone has been everything and when I go to hell I am told I am the lowest germ in the bottom of hell and that I am left behind in hell...then mostly recently I go to hell, and I am like a princess for a Germ Army and we are escaping the lock down...um I like heaven better! Its so cool how the whole psychosis story linked from 18 and that they are like two weeks taken out of my life...and I get to write all this!
I mention the germ thing two years ago before it actually happened! Yep the lowest Germ in hell and they came to get me! OMG!!!! NO WORD IN ENGLISH FOR HOW AMAZING! YAHWEH! But now I want it to stop being a psychoses and happen for good!I am a Germ on a Jew! Maybe from a pair of red shoes with rubies on it!
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!
So when you think about what you wouldn't want in heaven what do you think of? I know that when I am in heaven I am doing things on earth to bind and loose. And I was doing it with my hair and a hair tie...and braids and cords. Up, down...knots, braids and buns. I am really glad I stopped dyeing it...because I have so many colors in it...like a coat of many colors! Silver, white, blonde, red, brown and I had seen black in it...just strands. But now I look and the black is gone!
Another thing that is weird to me is sometimes I can look at my teeth and think wow they are pretty white for being a smoker since high school! Thanks. And other times I look and they are really yellow like a smoker and coffee drinkers would be! Is this a hallucination? I don't know!
The way I see my body changes and that may be from meds because it seems I can get fat like overnight...especially on my belly. That's probably from meds because I do not overeat...but one day I am like I look good just the way I am, and feel ok with the way it is I am voluptuous, and then the next time I look I go...that is disgusting! I guess that may be pretty normal and I threw out my scale but I know that the meds I am on are making my belly worse.
Yesterday I knew I should eat but didn't have an appetite so I was like just eat a piece of bread. Then the bread turned into the body of Christ. And I was laying in my bed eating it. He said accept your body...I am like...you mean MY BODY? Yes your body...then I said I don't like my body! Just accept your body! Accept everything about your body! Now accept MY body...everything except YOUR body...and I was like wow what is Jesus trying to tell me here! I said I was confused and He said don't be confused...just accept! Except your body! I was like damn that was far out! Cause I know that this body is going BYE BYE!!!
Also the way I see myself in general fluctuates daily...sometimes all day long and that makes me wonder if I am crossing in and out of my realms faster...one time when I was psychotic at Dragon's...I thought when I go into the house, I am in one realm and when I go out I am in the other! I think this is why sometimes I think that people are not who they appear to be.
And then I remember writing Blinded and that I don't think what I am being told about illnesses is true! And how when I go to heaven a hospital is like a museum! And this is all my perspective on the very same Billings, MT. Its not like a transport off the scene...all the same people I just see them different...in and out...in and out! The "Ourglass."
And it is also how I feel understood by pretty much everyone and we are all on the same mission sometimes, and other times people are looking at me funny...so whatever I am doing I generally try to blend and not be too weird in either realm. And lol I say generally! I almost got carried away at Family Service, yesterday a little social service place that helps people with food and clothes and utilities and such...everyone was in there traded stuff I swear. Everyone knows what were are doing and I was like thinking of the holocaust and how they made people strip off their clothes and leave them. And now its this big constantly churning circle of trading poor for wealth. Argh. I can't explain it very well right now...just trading. And in certain moments I think that everyone knows what is happening. The thrift store part is called "Family Treasures..." so you know!
When I would go to hell, I would always think I was the last to figure everything out. Like I was the most stupid person to ever walk the earth. Maybe I was? But God doesn't like the weird "stupid" or "retard" and I can't believe I recently used that word on my blog for someone who is probably a King in the other realm. No excuse for that bitchy attitude! I pick up on vibes easily and I had always been nice to this man, you know give him a Kleenex for his slobber...ask him how he is everyday. And yes he is not pretty on the eyes, but who says my eyes are correct, anyway? And then he doesn't do my bidding that day and I get all bitchy. Like I am a queen in this realm and he is my slave and must do what I say, or else. I think I might have been ok had I felt safe physically, but he was a horrible driver...and isn't that what it is all about? Feeling safe physically? But I have put myself in plenty of unsafe situations physically and didn't turn into a raging bitch. So with that being said I was off the hook calling him that. I am sorry!
Wondering if I was a human like Helen Keller in a past life...not saying "I know this." Just saying my soul knows way more than this life. So if I think everyone has been everything and when I go to hell I am told I am the lowest germ in the bottom of hell and that I am left behind in hell...then mostly recently I go to hell, and I am like a princess for a Germ Army and we are escaping the lock down...um I like heaven better! Its so cool how the whole psychosis story linked from 18 and that they are like two weeks taken out of my life...and I get to write all this!
I mention the germ thing two years ago before it actually happened! Yep the lowest Germ in hell and they came to get me! OMG!!!! NO WORD IN ENGLISH FOR HOW AMAZING! YAHWEH! But now I want it to stop being a psychoses and happen for good!I am a Germ on a Jew! Maybe from a pair of red shoes with rubies on it!
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!
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