So I was ready to throw in the towel. Last month I was writing business plans and getting excited about my ideas...and today I talked to a few people about just going to Warm Springs the state hospital. I haven't been out of the area for about six years I think it's time to travel! A much needed vacation! And I thought it would be interesting to get to talk to other crazy people about my crazy ideas. Get more writing material. And the fact of the matter is I believe my psychosis is what is real...now more than ever before and I wanted to test it out in that environment.
Mom said fat chance they are gonna admit me when I am well. And if I was there to document and observe the system and be taken care of because I have no money...that wouldn't be the right reason. I thought about trying to get in on Monday. You have to go through the ER and they pretty much can tell the difference in me whether I am psychotic or not...although typically psychotic I am just pretty witty and spot on...so maybe they don't know I am giving Germ Armies water, and I am compliant so actually I have no clue what they know about what I am doing.
Anyway I had two job leads today. One is packing medical supplies and the other is detailing cars. I know the detailing one pays $12 so that's better than the housekeeping for 8.50. Both are strenuous. I really don't understand how they can pay that little for cleaning? Why is a maids job deemed so unimportant? When in psychosis I marched into the new Hilton and asked a maid if she thought a raise to $20 and hour seemed more fitting...of course she said yes. There is such a "status" thing in our country and wages do not match intensity of work.
Car detailing would be intense for me I would think. But I told the guy that referenced it to me my limitations and he seemed to be ok with it. I would ask for part time to start because I don't want to over do it and then be all flustered that I can't keep up. I will have to fight off looking into things deeper or I am gonna say weird shit to people about ConCord. So anyway if I am gonna be all cool with this Felony Army of Germans hoisting me up, I better believe I can do a job such as this.
The other one packing medical supplies I will have to hear more about.
I will have to watch out for my blood sugar and start eating more. I've not been hungry at all so I don't always remember to eat and I keep getting fatter and fatter all because of meds. They make my blood sugar crash in the worst way, like suddenly I am ravenous with no other clues, other than give me food this instant or I will pass the fuk out! I continue to take them as told, although I am looking into Mind Freedom.org for alternative action and things I might do to discontinue use. I noticed another thing is my hands are jerking more and so is my jaw shifting. I do not like these side effects. If there is anything I have going for me it is the way I look and present myself and now they're trying to take that from me too.
That's ok though...because I know that I am gorgeous on the other side and so is everyone else. No obesity, no one looks unpleasing, so there is no categorizing anyone by looks or saying this one's better than that one. Everyone is exactly fitted to their soul mate so that to one another they can say you are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen...but its definitely not like a swimsuit competition on the other side. And I won't have no damn twitch in my jaw.
So overall I am really like either way with this. I really do feel it might be interesting to see how the state hospital is run. I like the idea of studying it. So we shall see. I don't know what I am gonna do.
Mom said fat chance they are gonna admit me when I am well. And if I was there to document and observe the system and be taken care of because I have no money...that wouldn't be the right reason. I thought about trying to get in on Monday. You have to go through the ER and they pretty much can tell the difference in me whether I am psychotic or not...although typically psychotic I am just pretty witty and spot on...so maybe they don't know I am giving Germ Armies water, and I am compliant so actually I have no clue what they know about what I am doing.
Anyway I had two job leads today. One is packing medical supplies and the other is detailing cars. I know the detailing one pays $12 so that's better than the housekeeping for 8.50. Both are strenuous. I really don't understand how they can pay that little for cleaning? Why is a maids job deemed so unimportant? When in psychosis I marched into the new Hilton and asked a maid if she thought a raise to $20 and hour seemed more fitting...of course she said yes. There is such a "status" thing in our country and wages do not match intensity of work.
Car detailing would be intense for me I would think. But I told the guy that referenced it to me my limitations and he seemed to be ok with it. I would ask for part time to start because I don't want to over do it and then be all flustered that I can't keep up. I will have to fight off looking into things deeper or I am gonna say weird shit to people about ConCord. So anyway if I am gonna be all cool with this Felony Army of Germans hoisting me up, I better believe I can do a job such as this.
The other one packing medical supplies I will have to hear more about.
I will have to watch out for my blood sugar and start eating more. I've not been hungry at all so I don't always remember to eat and I keep getting fatter and fatter all because of meds. They make my blood sugar crash in the worst way, like suddenly I am ravenous with no other clues, other than give me food this instant or I will pass the fuk out! I continue to take them as told, although I am looking into Mind Freedom.org for alternative action and things I might do to discontinue use. I noticed another thing is my hands are jerking more and so is my jaw shifting. I do not like these side effects. If there is anything I have going for me it is the way I look and present myself and now they're trying to take that from me too.
That's ok though...because I know that I am gorgeous on the other side and so is everyone else. No obesity, no one looks unpleasing, so there is no categorizing anyone by looks or saying this one's better than that one. Everyone is exactly fitted to their soul mate so that to one another they can say you are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen...but its definitely not like a swimsuit competition on the other side. And I won't have no damn twitch in my jaw.
So overall I am really like either way with this. I really do feel it might be interesting to see how the state hospital is run. I like the idea of studying it. So we shall see. I don't know what I am gonna do.
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