I was giggling at this turn of events. Me...ya I cannot even handle weed! LOL. I smoked my junior year in high school and I think I might of being hearing slightly more going on than the other kids! I was so freaked! I am like you guys are having fun? The whole world is watching us right now...damn that's a lot of pressure, and dude its like all of eternity as well, haha! Miranda, you're just paranoid! I feel my hair growing all over my body, and I think I have wet myself! But you only took one hit, Miranda! Let's just say that I wasn't a very cool stoner, unless I purchased. Dang that's funny. And I tried three times after high school...same deal! One time I could hear my cat Zander's soul talking to me, and the radio was highlighting what they were seeing going on in my world.
Pain pills prescribed for my back. Didn't like those either. Thank you Jesus! And meth was just ok. Dabbled after ultrasound school. Gifts freely given are taken for granted. And I have never tried acid or shrooms and obviously do not need them to have trips! And now? Well I was all thinking about the nose twitching on my porcelain doll, and how I do not get scared any more! I was just like "that's cool Jake, now show my how that butterfly flies!" I don't have paranoia or fear of the supernatural! And I hate ingesting scary movies.
I wonder if I have been desensitized by my gruesome nightmares? But I do not usually have so many visual hallucinations as I have had this time...and when its a beautiful message sent to me it is not scary...it makes me so happy! What I do have fear about is the rest of the world around me. Doubt is awful. And I have been processing so many new thoughts lately that my emotions can't keep up. Its not stable at all. One minute I have a army of germs hoisting me high, and mind you their generations of Sham Sons are today's convicts...and then I flip back into Flatt, and I am like a felon can't take care of me, and I need a rich man or a psych major to live with me. I am cool...now I am freaked...now I am needy...now I am not! Yes this is a very difficult time for me...and I think there is a reason I feel so alone in Flatt and so understood and loved in Concord.
That in and out splice helps me understand my dual realities. I heard today that I was "trapped" between two worlds...I replied I hate the word "trapped" and the voice saying how about "You are connecting two worlds, is that better?" This feels important, but there is part of me that is in fear of getting lost in the oblivion...like going to far down the rabbit hole...is that possible? Alice was only dreaming, right? I think I would be rescued, and in prayer today I just said can you make this all happen sooner rather than later...cause I am getting tired out! I mean final Cross-Over for everybody??? And I've got this tangible world with my kids in it, that screams at me to take my pills and act normal...and the other world says "let it buck sister...You're amazing, brilliant, talented and funny...gorgeous, nice legs, nice tan etc. And the body I am in in Flatt? Well its all beat up and broken down. And my status in Flatt? Well to Flatt thinking about souls all the way back to eternity is not a common topic...sorry just too busy for all that!
I thought today how everytime I go to heaven I think it is so real, and then damn it is not! Coming back is so confusing! Stop playing games with my heart!!! I have always loved a good challenge and risen to the occasion but damn ya' all are stressing me out to the max!!! Glad it is not all up to me...and if this is covert operation its done out of the bag...and I am all about writing this story like the best damn ignored reporter you ever did see...and if its not popular now...I will just think "maybe someday" for as long as it takes! Let's have a couple of beers on me in paradise! Paradise on earth...flip Genesis with Revelations and we have a winner!!! The beginning was the end. The end is the beginning. Conception. A blink of an eye. Soul pairs. And that's just what I believe! And thank God I can believe whatever I want to believe! God bless America!!! No I mean really, bless us!
Sometimes you must follow a yellow brick road through some weird shit. Shawshank Redemption...remember where did they end up in that movie? A black man bagging groceries, helped a white man get to paradise! Not the other way around. Adam was black! Now just quit calling me "creepy" and "crazy" those are not nice ways to talk about a lady! I am a muthafukn believer that's all.
And who is Gollum? Read that book too...how far will he go down to find the ring? And everybody wants that damn ring...Well anywho going to take my meds now. Once again its been wonderful to be in my cyber world alone tonight. My life is pretty kickass!
Pain pills prescribed for my back. Didn't like those either. Thank you Jesus! And meth was just ok. Dabbled after ultrasound school. Gifts freely given are taken for granted. And I have never tried acid or shrooms and obviously do not need them to have trips! And now? Well I was all thinking about the nose twitching on my porcelain doll, and how I do not get scared any more! I was just like "that's cool Jake, now show my how that butterfly flies!" I don't have paranoia or fear of the supernatural! And I hate ingesting scary movies.
I wonder if I have been desensitized by my gruesome nightmares? But I do not usually have so many visual hallucinations as I have had this time...and when its a beautiful message sent to me it is not scary...it makes me so happy! What I do have fear about is the rest of the world around me. Doubt is awful. And I have been processing so many new thoughts lately that my emotions can't keep up. Its not stable at all. One minute I have a army of germs hoisting me high, and mind you their generations of Sham Sons are today's convicts...and then I flip back into Flatt, and I am like a felon can't take care of me, and I need a rich man or a psych major to live with me. I am cool...now I am freaked...now I am needy...now I am not! Yes this is a very difficult time for me...and I think there is a reason I feel so alone in Flatt and so understood and loved in Concord.
That in and out splice helps me understand my dual realities. I heard today that I was "trapped" between two worlds...I replied I hate the word "trapped" and the voice saying how about "You are connecting two worlds, is that better?" This feels important, but there is part of me that is in fear of getting lost in the oblivion...like going to far down the rabbit hole...is that possible? Alice was only dreaming, right? I think I would be rescued, and in prayer today I just said can you make this all happen sooner rather than later...cause I am getting tired out! I mean final Cross-Over for everybody??? And I've got this tangible world with my kids in it, that screams at me to take my pills and act normal...and the other world says "let it buck sister...You're amazing, brilliant, talented and funny...gorgeous, nice legs, nice tan etc. And the body I am in in Flatt? Well its all beat up and broken down. And my status in Flatt? Well to Flatt thinking about souls all the way back to eternity is not a common topic...sorry just too busy for all that!
I thought today how everytime I go to heaven I think it is so real, and then damn it is not! Coming back is so confusing! Stop playing games with my heart!!! I have always loved a good challenge and risen to the occasion but damn ya' all are stressing me out to the max!!! Glad it is not all up to me...and if this is covert operation its done out of the bag...and I am all about writing this story like the best damn ignored reporter you ever did see...and if its not popular now...I will just think "maybe someday" for as long as it takes! Let's have a couple of beers on me in paradise! Paradise on earth...flip Genesis with Revelations and we have a winner!!! The beginning was the end. The end is the beginning. Conception. A blink of an eye. Soul pairs. And that's just what I believe! And thank God I can believe whatever I want to believe! God bless America!!! No I mean really, bless us!
Sometimes you must follow a yellow brick road through some weird shit. Shawshank Redemption...remember where did they end up in that movie? A black man bagging groceries, helped a white man get to paradise! Not the other way around. Adam was black! Now just quit calling me "creepy" and "crazy" those are not nice ways to talk about a lady! I am a muthafukn believer that's all.
And who is Gollum? Read that book too...how far will he go down to find the ring? And everybody wants that damn ring...Well anywho going to take my meds now. Once again its been wonderful to be in my cyber world alone tonight. My life is pretty kickass!
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