So I obviously struggle with follow through. I make good decisions like quitting smoking and it lasts six days. I did so good for six whole days but then I let myself have one and it was over. That's black and white thinking...Ah I fukt up might as well throw in the towel completely!
And then I am all like I don't want my blog to be about a stalker anymore. Good solid choice and emotions to process, right? Is this addict behavior? Cray behavior? Or human behavior? Dunno. But it is frustrating! My mind does what it does and my heart does what it does and there is a conflict!
I'm glad I've done therapy plus meetings...It really was a good thing. But seemingly I have a problem applying what I've learned rather than just talk about it. I always had that issue with school too. That's why I am much better at school then working. Well I don't know if that's the whole reason...But school doesn't fire you!
I want to do better. I have such good intentions paving my road to a straight jacket! Or a bullet in my head...Or yesterday I thought maybe a train cause I heard a graphic commercial about how trains kill. Or that assassin that was supposed to be here last week? I romanticize my own death, but I also have kids and so I wouldn't want to do that to them, no matter what I go through. It would ruin them. So no more talk of leaving Flatt!
Plus I am gall dang pretty healthy mentally. If I could get a grip on the love thing I would be peachy! Edgar Allen Poe had Lenore...I'm definitely not the first person this has all happened to! I find that comforting in a way.
Not gonna drink today. Thanks for listening.
And then I am all like I don't want my blog to be about a stalker anymore. Good solid choice and emotions to process, right? Is this addict behavior? Cray behavior? Or human behavior? Dunno. But it is frustrating! My mind does what it does and my heart does what it does and there is a conflict!
I'm glad I've done therapy plus meetings...It really was a good thing. But seemingly I have a problem applying what I've learned rather than just talk about it. I always had that issue with school too. That's why I am much better at school then working. Well I don't know if that's the whole reason...But school doesn't fire you!
I want to do better. I have such good intentions paving my road to a straight jacket! Or a bullet in my head...Or yesterday I thought maybe a train cause I heard a graphic commercial about how trains kill. Or that assassin that was supposed to be here last week? I romanticize my own death, but I also have kids and so I wouldn't want to do that to them, no matter what I go through. It would ruin them. So no more talk of leaving Flatt!
Plus I am gall dang pretty healthy mentally. If I could get a grip on the love thing I would be peachy! Edgar Allen Poe had Lenore...I'm definitely not the first person this has all happened to! I find that comforting in a way.
Not gonna drink today. Thanks for listening.
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