Frankly I've been talking alot of mad crazy shit on my blog lately...Maybe in some opinions always...but it's really about to drive me mad. It's cause I have all these questions stirred up in me. What the hell does my crazy mean? It's frustrating and I don't want to give it any more energy than I already have. I can analyze the death out of the things I have seen in psychosis or I can just be like "yeah that happened...What's next?" Because lately I am like what are the implications for my life if I believe my crazy is the spiritual realm and that I can see it???What does one do with that? Jonestown comes to mind??? I don't want to start a cult, lol.
So I am saying to God right now I am at work helping the elderly and disabled and I feel this pressure that these questions is putting on me...And I say just help me serve them dinner and give them their meds and do the dishes without all this pressure! What do you want me to do with all this crazy God? You made me a freaking lunatic and then completly fricken normal again! Why did you show me so much? What the hell and I suppose to do with this?
I don't know which way to go! I want answers but I also want to be a mother to my boys! I want a good life and normal is easier! Nothing deep? I wonder if I could do that??? That would also help in the love department if I didn't feel things deeply. Everything would be so much easier if I were shallow and had no questions about the things I have seen.
Take these pills and shut up please! Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggghhghhhhhhh! I am so frustrated! I need to find someone with answers! My therapist doesn't believe in the spiritual...He is science. I have absolutely no one to talk to! Quite honestly it's scary.
And I am glad I blog about it...But it's been three years and no one has ever reached out to me! I feel like an alien! Please God give me answers!
So I am saying to God right now I am at work helping the elderly and disabled and I feel this pressure that these questions is putting on me...And I say just help me serve them dinner and give them their meds and do the dishes without all this pressure! What do you want me to do with all this crazy God? You made me a freaking lunatic and then completly fricken normal again! Why did you show me so much? What the hell and I suppose to do with this?
I don't know which way to go! I want answers but I also want to be a mother to my boys! I want a good life and normal is easier! Nothing deep? I wonder if I could do that??? That would also help in the love department if I didn't feel things deeply. Everything would be so much easier if I were shallow and had no questions about the things I have seen.
Take these pills and shut up please! Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggghhghhhhhhh! I am so frustrated! I need to find someone with answers! My therapist doesn't believe in the spiritual...He is science. I have absolutely no one to talk to! Quite honestly it's scary.
And I am glad I blog about it...But it's been three years and no one has ever reached out to me! I feel like an alien! Please God give me answers!
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