I remember laying in my bed after the psychotic grand Mal seizure when I was pregnant with Evan. I was talking to God. I didn't understand what happened to me and I believe the seizure happened from fear not a chemical imbalance like they said. I cried out to God. Why me? Why is this happening? I heard him say "Consider it a gift.". That was about seven years ago. And I have gone through hell with this "gift" since then.
But I am really starting to think it is! There is actually a documentary that came through my email about psychosis being spiritual awakening and that people that have it are shamans! Wicked cool! I don't know what life is gonna be like as a shaman lol??? The sound of it certainly beats the hell out of being "mentally ill." I've cried out a thousand times that it is spiritual not mental but science says chemical imbalance. That's such horseshit. But it is true that meds shut off the spiritual part of me. Quite a bit, not just psychosis but also connectivity to something greater. When I am medicated I rarely notice the beauty in things or God shocks. I just go about my daily very freaking bland.
Someone suggested herbal remedies to me last night. Maybe. I don't know now what I am supposed to do? Should I still try to go to school? Because they are not gonna teach me about the spiritual they are gonna teach chemical. There is this website called bipolarorwakingup.com I checked it out years ago but not for some time. Maybe if I looked into that again I would remember I am not the only one. I kinda feel super special sometimes as well as disconnected...My world feels very small and it is not!
So consider it a gift! What kind of the things could I do with this gift? Hold up signs on street corners? Let people know the ends is near? Haha! I think I will just write books still. I have one I started a couple years ago in a writing workshop right now. I am getting some great feedback on it! It's about two realms, ConCord and Flatt and stars Adam and Eve in the garden linked to present day Adam and Eve. People can crossover realms and Billings is the epicenter of crossovers. I have six chapters so far!
But I am really starting to think it is! There is actually a documentary that came through my email about psychosis being spiritual awakening and that people that have it are shamans! Wicked cool! I don't know what life is gonna be like as a shaman lol??? The sound of it certainly beats the hell out of being "mentally ill." I've cried out a thousand times that it is spiritual not mental but science says chemical imbalance. That's such horseshit. But it is true that meds shut off the spiritual part of me. Quite a bit, not just psychosis but also connectivity to something greater. When I am medicated I rarely notice the beauty in things or God shocks. I just go about my daily very freaking bland.
Someone suggested herbal remedies to me last night. Maybe. I don't know now what I am supposed to do? Should I still try to go to school? Because they are not gonna teach me about the spiritual they are gonna teach chemical. There is this website called bipolarorwakingup.com I checked it out years ago but not for some time. Maybe if I looked into that again I would remember I am not the only one. I kinda feel super special sometimes as well as disconnected...My world feels very small and it is not!
So consider it a gift! What kind of the things could I do with this gift? Hold up signs on street corners? Let people know the ends is near? Haha! I think I will just write books still. I have one I started a couple years ago in a writing workshop right now. I am getting some great feedback on it! It's about two realms, ConCord and Flatt and stars Adam and Eve in the garden linked to present day Adam and Eve. People can crossover realms and Billings is the epicenter of crossovers. I have six chapters so far!
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