Conditionally Human

Well shit I've been freaking out alot about emotions I thought were subsided and "therapized" and "exercised" out of me.  I'm human. Fuk it anyway.  Damn I really am very human.  I like to be happy so sue me.  I've gone through so much shit and pain over this that I don't even understand why there is still love there?  Doesn't make logical sense in the least.  I guess people like things that harm them...I dont think it's as simple as an addiction though.  It's not like oh yeah wow that's all it ever was and now I know and now I can just move on.  Lots of people try to rationalize this to me...Tell me it's not love.  Try to convince me he's awful and evil.  I can't believe that.  I'm just a crazy girl that's all. The stupidest smart woman ever.  The kind that watched Beauty and The Beast as a child.  And all those other Disney sagas.  I like to see the good in everything.  So much good has come out of this battle for me...And I just want to be ok. And breathe.  And chill and not need anyone including a prince charming of my own design.

I guess I hope my blogs help other people that are humans...Mental or not you can recover from just about anything.  You can be happy and fulfilled just by living your own story.  And I guess I hope my honesty with what I go through makes you want to be brave too. I just wanted to be bare and really be me for the first time in my life.  I always hid...Whether it was behind alcohol or achievement...I was never me until I started writing. And I started writing because I started Loving. Be you all!

And eat your vegetables!