Today has kind been a me me me emotional rollercoaster. So first I was extremely sarcastic making fun of myself with book titles. Then I am bawling talking about letting go of my fairy tale and processing loss and letting go. And then I am talking pretty flowers and how much God changed me through all this and then...And then I am shouting of my love from the rooftops again. So much energy on my history!
Churning and churning in the quest and the story and beating the shit out of a dead horse! Yes it's good I can love! That's super amazing but I am a broken record on repeat. Like I cannot get over how amazing love is with just my head, lol!
How about thinking what this process can bring to my future! Like how I am shaped by this and what can I take into my next adventure? How can I stop being amazed by all this and find something else to be passionate about?
I do want to get my PhD in psychology. Kinda. I kinda want to learn more about spiritual awakening rather than the basic chemical shit.
I need to do something soon. That job as a peer mentor didn't come through and although I like both my jobs I want more out of life. I've been out of the hospital for over a year and mostly symptom free dealing in reality lol mostly!
I need a goal. Not a man goal...A real goal. A focus. I saw that someone read my post from my 36th birthday. I was real passionate about mental healthcare reform back then. What about a master's in public health? I really want to move to Bozeman. I need a new scene. I want to meet new sober people. And just be the new healthy me there and live that and never ever identify myself as a lady stalker. I wanna walk away from that image and embrace and forgive myself for loving someone too much.
I know they say in meetings that location changes never work. I really want Seattle, but my kids would only be two hours away from Bozeman! I will hear from voc rehab on the 20th of April whether they will help me or not.
I need to just breathe. Just soak up being happy and free and fully me. The possibilities are endless. Life is good. And I can always remember and hold in value how much it took for me to recover. And not just from alcoholism, but from an addiction to a man. So what I love him for it. So what. So what. So what.
I've come so far! Sometimes I can't even believe what I have overcome and how God made me! I am a strong independent beautiful woman with lots to offer this world. Fully capable of doing anything I set my mind to. Trying to forget things I cannot change.
Gonna move and leave it all behind.
Churning and churning in the quest and the story and beating the shit out of a dead horse! Yes it's good I can love! That's super amazing but I am a broken record on repeat. Like I cannot get over how amazing love is with just my head, lol!
How about thinking what this process can bring to my future! Like how I am shaped by this and what can I take into my next adventure? How can I stop being amazed by all this and find something else to be passionate about?
I do want to get my PhD in psychology. Kinda. I kinda want to learn more about spiritual awakening rather than the basic chemical shit.
I need to do something soon. That job as a peer mentor didn't come through and although I like both my jobs I want more out of life. I've been out of the hospital for over a year and mostly symptom free dealing in reality lol mostly!
I need a goal. Not a man goal...A real goal. A focus. I saw that someone read my post from my 36th birthday. I was real passionate about mental healthcare reform back then. What about a master's in public health? I really want to move to Bozeman. I need a new scene. I want to meet new sober people. And just be the new healthy me there and live that and never ever identify myself as a lady stalker. I wanna walk away from that image and embrace and forgive myself for loving someone too much.
I know they say in meetings that location changes never work. I really want Seattle, but my kids would only be two hours away from Bozeman! I will hear from voc rehab on the 20th of April whether they will help me or not.
I need to just breathe. Just soak up being happy and free and fully me. The possibilities are endless. Life is good. And I can always remember and hold in value how much it took for me to recover. And not just from alcoholism, but from an addiction to a man. So what I love him for it. So what. So what. So what.
I've come so far! Sometimes I can't even believe what I have overcome and how God made me! I am a strong independent beautiful woman with lots to offer this world. Fully capable of doing anything I set my mind to. Trying to forget things I cannot change.
Gonna move and leave it all behind.
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