Dragon: "Are you crying? I am trying to sleep."
Me: "No." And sobbing uncontrollably into my pillow, lol.
Worked up.
I am in the capital of Montana right now with my Dragon, and we are going to a Mental Health Advocacy conference today. I really didn't think about this trip much all week because I was busy, but of course the day before I went into serious mental masturbation freak out mode.
Here is a list of my days freak out!
What to wear the one day conference, you only get one day to dress the right way for the day? Casual dressy? Casual professional? A fukn ball gown? umm so I packed them all!
What kind of day will it be? Will I be the lonely lost looking girl?
"Meeting" over 100 strangers.
My personality choice of the day?
How my boys turned out...one was breastfed the other not!
Lowe's shopping for Dragon's house with Dragon's mom for two hours...and sensory induced freak out followed by a Dragon lecture.
Getting my children to a birthday party in Billings, that I possibly couldn't coordinate a ride for them from the Big Horn.
Major blood sugar crash post Lowe's...decided that I needed to go back on Metformin which controls eating and blood sugar and shit...
Waking up at 6 am running around ALL Day for Dragon's house, then driving four hours at night to land at a fancy restaurant, and be too tired to crack crab and have a crabby silent dinner with Dragon.
Hurt Dragon's feelings at dinner. Dragon assuming that he was going to the conference part with me, when I assumed he would rather go do other shit. Dramatic interlude.
Dragon hurt my feelings at dinner... "You have to start over in your career." HUH??? FUKC that!
So tired that I almost nodded out at a fancy resturaunt.
Completely turn attitude around...get to HO JO...its kind of gross. Get ready for be in about 4 minutes flat, fall into bed and then can't sleep.
Feel effects of new anti-psychotic med on my heart rhythm...every night I have taken InVega, I feel my heart flutter and flop in my chest for only a minute or so.
This flutter and flopping leads to me envisioning Dragon waking up next to me and I am dead! He of course gets arrested as it looks foul play! "I am innocent!!!" he cries!
I think of my kids, and even that can't keep me from fantasy of death being the answer to all my problems!
InVega I am scared of this conference tomorrow, because sometimes I get nervous and embarrass myself! Please God let InVega kill me!!!
What a fuking pity pot guilt trip.
Oh and my back has been killing me!
And hence pushed the crying button.
Dragon jumps up flips on the light! No NO NO...just let me sob into my pillow, boyfriend! It will be alright! Don't make me explain my morbid head trip to you tonight! So I said! I am tired, and tired of being well and sick,and then well and sick again, and there is always always something going wrong with either my body, mind or life! How do I ever manage to stay happy and healthy feeling! So he turns on the tv...well its a CSI type thing about schitzo eye doctor who tries to cure schizophrenia, by multiple eye surgeries to disrupt visual hallucinations...and Mwaaaahhhhaaaaahahaha they really thought he was just after the medicaid money, but he really thought he could figure out a way to change the lens of the eyeball, okay so I dried up my tears and blew my nose. Snuggled to my bf and he said nope trying to sleep, I slightly pouted, but respect he can't fall asleep with me snuggling! And about 10 seconds or so later...I was out! Its the Invega it knocks me out.
Well here I am in the morning...Dragon is innocent! LOL...he is still sleeping, I am going to go jump on the bed now, lol! See bouncy, bouncy, bounce back! I am A OK!
Me: "No." And sobbing uncontrollably into my pillow, lol.
Worked up.
I am in the capital of Montana right now with my Dragon, and we are going to a Mental Health Advocacy conference today. I really didn't think about this trip much all week because I was busy, but of course the day before I went into serious mental masturbation freak out mode.
Here is a list of my days freak out!
What to wear the one day conference, you only get one day to dress the right way for the day? Casual dressy? Casual professional? A fukn ball gown? umm so I packed them all!
What kind of day will it be? Will I be the lonely lost looking girl?
"Meeting" over 100 strangers.
My personality choice of the day?
How my boys turned out...one was breastfed the other not!
Lowe's shopping for Dragon's house with Dragon's mom for two hours...and sensory induced freak out followed by a Dragon lecture.
Getting my children to a birthday party in Billings, that I possibly couldn't coordinate a ride for them from the Big Horn.
Major blood sugar crash post Lowe's...decided that I needed to go back on Metformin which controls eating and blood sugar and shit...
Waking up at 6 am running around ALL Day for Dragon's house, then driving four hours at night to land at a fancy restaurant, and be too tired to crack crab and have a crabby silent dinner with Dragon.
Hurt Dragon's feelings at dinner. Dragon assuming that he was going to the conference part with me, when I assumed he would rather go do other shit. Dramatic interlude.
Dragon hurt my feelings at dinner... "You have to start over in your career." HUH??? FUKC that!
So tired that I almost nodded out at a fancy resturaunt.
Completely turn attitude around...get to HO JO...its kind of gross. Get ready for be in about 4 minutes flat, fall into bed and then can't sleep.
Feel effects of new anti-psychotic med on my heart rhythm...every night I have taken InVega, I feel my heart flutter and flop in my chest for only a minute or so.
This flutter and flopping leads to me envisioning Dragon waking up next to me and I am dead! He of course gets arrested as it looks foul play! "I am innocent!!!" he cries!
I think of my kids, and even that can't keep me from fantasy of death being the answer to all my problems!
InVega I am scared of this conference tomorrow, because sometimes I get nervous and embarrass myself! Please God let InVega kill me!!!
What a fuking pity pot guilt trip.
Oh and my back has been killing me!
And hence pushed the crying button.
Dragon jumps up flips on the light! No NO NO...just let me sob into my pillow, boyfriend! It will be alright! Don't make me explain my morbid head trip to you tonight! So I said! I am tired, and tired of being well and sick,and then well and sick again, and there is always always something going wrong with either my body, mind or life! How do I ever manage to stay happy and healthy feeling! So he turns on the tv...well its a CSI type thing about schitzo eye doctor who tries to cure schizophrenia, by multiple eye surgeries to disrupt visual hallucinations...and Mwaaaahhhhaaaaahahaha they really thought he was just after the medicaid money, but he really thought he could figure out a way to change the lens of the eyeball, okay so I dried up my tears and blew my nose. Snuggled to my bf and he said nope trying to sleep, I slightly pouted, but respect he can't fall asleep with me snuggling! And about 10 seconds or so later...I was out! Its the Invega it knocks me out.
Well here I am in the morning...Dragon is innocent! LOL...he is still sleeping, I am going to go jump on the bed now, lol! See bouncy, bouncy, bounce back! I am A OK!