Extra baggage, I know.
Super Bipolar and today...
Well I got four hours of sleep.
Negative clouds on me as I look for a safe and quiet place to live.
I just have to accept these unsafe conditions and noise.
All my shit can turn to shit with the flip of my lid.
Today is another quarterly graduation for the treatment court,
I've watched plenty of drug and DUI offenders skip right past me.
Like the entire court.
Maybe somehow it will help if they recognize my real diagnoses?
What the heck? I mean I like to finish things, but this is getting beyond torture.
And they won't even recognize my sobriety? I mean really?
I am gloom and doom this morning.
I feel sorry for my kids.
I feel sorry that I fell in love.
No wait I don't at all...
Just feel sorry for things I don't understand.
I know God is BIG, because all that has happened is so strange.
And the things that happen in my mind are supernatural and so confusing and strange!
I am fukn exhausted.
I need something like really good to happen in my life soon.
I am tired of saying oh this is teaching me something and pain brings growth.
Spin it all into gold, I say, and use it for Gods glory.
But I am exhausted of feeling pain and dissapointment.
I am exhausted of seeing two worlds.
I try to see it as a gift, and today I just can't.
How the heck did God let me fall that deep in love?
And make me believe in it so much?
I trust there is a reason, but the price is weary my soul.
Everyone tells me...
But I like little foolish child I believe in my fairytale and that love is supposed to win.
But the reality is the person I love treated me like a bag of shit...
To be dismissed because I am different.
Well I don't know what I am going to do with this...and I really wish I could separate my character Adam from a man whom I hear is indifferent about what has happened between us.
I have walked through Fire proving my worth even as a person labeled disabled by our society...tried to do something big and change our stars...
Like tell a human you love them over and over and how special they are to you...and have it not be enough.
What a fukn stubborn idiot!
I mean I really am!
There, there is my cup of cope for the morning what a shit bag way to start the day.
Super Bipolar and today...
Well I got four hours of sleep.
Negative clouds on me as I look for a safe and quiet place to live.
I just have to accept these unsafe conditions and noise.
All my shit can turn to shit with the flip of my lid.
Today is another quarterly graduation for the treatment court,
I've watched plenty of drug and DUI offenders skip right past me.
Like the entire court.
Maybe somehow it will help if they recognize my real diagnoses?
What the heck? I mean I like to finish things, but this is getting beyond torture.
And they won't even recognize my sobriety? I mean really?
I am gloom and doom this morning.
I feel sorry for my kids.
I feel sorry that I fell in love.
No wait I don't at all...
Just feel sorry for things I don't understand.
I know God is BIG, because all that has happened is so strange.
And the things that happen in my mind are supernatural and so confusing and strange!
I am fukn exhausted.
I need something like really good to happen in my life soon.
I am tired of saying oh this is teaching me something and pain brings growth.
Spin it all into gold, I say, and use it for Gods glory.
But I am exhausted of feeling pain and dissapointment.
I am exhausted of seeing two worlds.
I try to see it as a gift, and today I just can't.
How the heck did God let me fall that deep in love?
And make me believe in it so much?
I trust there is a reason, but the price is weary my soul.
Everyone tells me...
But I like little foolish child I believe in my fairytale and that love is supposed to win.
But the reality is the person I love treated me like a bag of shit...
To be dismissed because I am different.
Well I don't know what I am going to do with this...and I really wish I could separate my character Adam from a man whom I hear is indifferent about what has happened between us.
I have walked through Fire proving my worth even as a person labeled disabled by our society...tried to do something big and change our stars...
Like tell a human you love them over and over and how special they are to you...and have it not be enough.
What a fukn stubborn idiot!
I mean I really am!
There, there is my cup of cope for the morning what a shit bag way to start the day.