So I spent some time in my car with my dear mother today. She asked what type of writing I have acclimated to, and she didn't say "acclimated." She reads my blogs, and so I answered that my writing is "Abstract Poetic," and I don't even know if that is a real type of writing??? But that is what I called it. I write fluent to my own head, and it simply flows through me the way it appears, and I don't change much once it is put down. Like I don't fiddle around with it, or obsess on what would sound best, I just use the word that pops into my head. So she says that most people won't understand what I write and that in some of my blogs, I just sound crazy! LOL...I said "well mom, haven't we come to terms that I am in fact, slightly off my rocker???" She says though "I know you as a well person...most of the time, and people are going to think you are just crazy." She said "why can't you write about what its like to have a mental illness in plain language?" I said how boring would that be?
Okay having said that my entire first book, is in pretty plain language. Easy to read and no abstract poetry. I think it kicks ass that in two years my writing has expanded into some other format, without attempt to make it so...it just has. So I told my mother I would write something plain about mental illness. My mental illness specifically...I don't know who else has one like mine, because we are possibly forced to hide such things.
Here goes.
Imagine walking into a room, and much like a movie scene, you feel you are center stage. The people around you are all actors and actresses. All the people around you are staged, and this has happened instantaneously, while minutes before you were just fine knowing you were walking into the Dermatology department to have cancer stitches removed. So in an instant as if the weight of the world were set on your shoulders, your every move matters. Every person's movement is signal or cue for what you are suppose to do next and you have to follow sequences. You know there are no camera's, and yet you feel that all the world is watching. And not just the world, but all the souls of eternity. This makes you feel somewhat important and it is terrifying. Suddenly you feel as if you have done something wrong, and then peoples' words in the room are directed toward you and they are calling you, evil and other bad things. Everything happening in that room is about you. So then confusion sets in, what is real and what is not, because this happens to ME very randomly, and without any warning. This is what I call crossing over...medication does not stop this. And if I fail to recognize that I have "tuned" in the altered conscientiousness, then I can spiral into a completely altered universe and misperceive everyone's intentions, as trying to trap me in hell as the last soul without a partner...the most evil soul to ever walk the earth, yay that's ME! All until I went to heaven in 2013...but that is in my first book and I don't want to leak that.
So this usually always happens the second day on a job. I guess God gives me the first day to see the scene in one reality. This happened to me many times while I was working in the Radiology field. The crossover is about saving souls, and soul pairing and since I finally paired with someone in one realm...whether is was good here or not, I can now stop it, and control it, and frankly understand when it is happening...where in the past, the twist of sensory was so trapping I almost always crossed over and had to go to the hospital. I would go years at a time without these experiences, but when I did completely crossover my altered reality, included such amazing twists that felt so real to me, and it was typically terrifying. I have mentioned that the MHC judge, was Obama in disguise and I was on trial for the creation of abortion last summer? right? I also hallucinated little green army men falling from the sky in parachutes, landing on my bedroom floor, as sperm, that grew into worms, that crawled up my sheets...freaky! That all plays into "reigning men." As healthy seed was falling back to earth, because abortion is what is making our generations so sick. We kill, and and there fore sent back sick. Half men, half women and all sorts of other birth defects and disorders...mainly mental and neurological these days. Don't you notice ramped autism, spectrum of illnesses all in our children. Not to mention babies born with tumors...I believe this is because of the way we are treating souls which begin at conception.
Well there you have a bit, and if I didn't have people chomping at my bit to get a "real job" while I am dealing with all this shit, maybe they would think it was cool that I was different! If I hear to go work at fast food one more time from people 1/100 as educated as I am...I may ask them to go be an actress in Holloweird...because I would be better at that scene, than I would trying to prevent crossovers in Mc'D,s. Since I already think I have a universe of eyes on me half the time, playing both worlds gets exhausting. And if they call me "self absorbed" one more time? Selfish? I don't know how to stop this, or make it go away...why don't you try it???
Thank God it is not all the time. Thank God I know both worlds and am not trapped in one...because how then could I explain it in your reality?
And that concludes the first segment of plain writing "WHAT'S IT LIKE?"
Okay having said that my entire first book, is in pretty plain language. Easy to read and no abstract poetry. I think it kicks ass that in two years my writing has expanded into some other format, without attempt to make it so...it just has. So I told my mother I would write something plain about mental illness. My mental illness specifically...I don't know who else has one like mine, because we are possibly forced to hide such things.
Here goes.
Imagine walking into a room, and much like a movie scene, you feel you are center stage. The people around you are all actors and actresses. All the people around you are staged, and this has happened instantaneously, while minutes before you were just fine knowing you were walking into the Dermatology department to have cancer stitches removed. So in an instant as if the weight of the world were set on your shoulders, your every move matters. Every person's movement is signal or cue for what you are suppose to do next and you have to follow sequences. You know there are no camera's, and yet you feel that all the world is watching. And not just the world, but all the souls of eternity. This makes you feel somewhat important and it is terrifying. Suddenly you feel as if you have done something wrong, and then peoples' words in the room are directed toward you and they are calling you, evil and other bad things. Everything happening in that room is about you. So then confusion sets in, what is real and what is not, because this happens to ME very randomly, and without any warning. This is what I call crossing over...medication does not stop this. And if I fail to recognize that I have "tuned" in the altered conscientiousness, then I can spiral into a completely altered universe and misperceive everyone's intentions, as trying to trap me in hell as the last soul without a partner...the most evil soul to ever walk the earth, yay that's ME! All until I went to heaven in 2013...but that is in my first book and I don't want to leak that.
So this usually always happens the second day on a job. I guess God gives me the first day to see the scene in one reality. This happened to me many times while I was working in the Radiology field. The crossover is about saving souls, and soul pairing and since I finally paired with someone in one realm...whether is was good here or not, I can now stop it, and control it, and frankly understand when it is happening...where in the past, the twist of sensory was so trapping I almost always crossed over and had to go to the hospital. I would go years at a time without these experiences, but when I did completely crossover my altered reality, included such amazing twists that felt so real to me, and it was typically terrifying. I have mentioned that the MHC judge, was Obama in disguise and I was on trial for the creation of abortion last summer? right? I also hallucinated little green army men falling from the sky in parachutes, landing on my bedroom floor, as sperm, that grew into worms, that crawled up my sheets...freaky! That all plays into "reigning men." As healthy seed was falling back to earth, because abortion is what is making our generations so sick. We kill, and and there fore sent back sick. Half men, half women and all sorts of other birth defects and disorders...mainly mental and neurological these days. Don't you notice ramped autism, spectrum of illnesses all in our children. Not to mention babies born with tumors...I believe this is because of the way we are treating souls which begin at conception.
Well there you have a bit, and if I didn't have people chomping at my bit to get a "real job" while I am dealing with all this shit, maybe they would think it was cool that I was different! If I hear to go work at fast food one more time from people 1/100 as educated as I am...I may ask them to go be an actress in Holloweird...because I would be better at that scene, than I would trying to prevent crossovers in Mc'D,s. Since I already think I have a universe of eyes on me half the time, playing both worlds gets exhausting. And if they call me "self absorbed" one more time? Selfish? I don't know how to stop this, or make it go away...why don't you try it???
Thank God it is not all the time. Thank God I know both worlds and am not trapped in one...because how then could I explain it in your reality?
And that concludes the first segment of plain writing "WHAT'S IT LIKE?"