A friend tonight told me not to think I am terminally unique. Well? Terminally I guess is the key word...cause I am def unique and incredibly weird! But no need to die over it. Equally weird is my hero. I think its why he set me off...cause I do not know how what happened, happened. Like two years ago when started writing to him, how could I have known all that would be? All up in this psychological thriller/romance, and no I cant just be ordinary. This feels big to me. There must be levels and layers I cant see right now, but its on the verge of monumentous. But maybe just to me, because I know about the levels and layers...and it is exciting to me.
Have you ever gone completely against the grain? Stood out? Believed in something absolutely no one else believes in? I swear its my first time...fukn weird for me. Seriously always had to fit in and now there is no way I can! When you go insane on social media and proclaim you have found your soul mate on facebook...well thats hard to live down, and I aint one to crawl and hide in the corner, obviously because I have a blog and keep talking about it! I guess because the magnitude of the things that went through my head are just so big and odd and scary and too much for a one hour therapy session...guess I got sumtin to say...kept all the psychosis stories secret my whole life, and I just dont even understand how the story went from hell to heaven, or why Adam, or why people arent too interested in such odditities of psychology, and circling around me wanting to know the details of my experiences. In my opinion its wicked cool...but I think people are bland, afraid of flavor unless it is in a movie that they can detach from. They just want me to be healthy and fit in a little box. And it seems no one is interested in things out of the ordinary, I feel muzzled in this little town, hide little girl...you are too much. Shhh dont talk about that! So really blogging has helped me alot.
Shouldnt all sorts of Gods children be pleasing? I mean, I dont feel as I should be unacceptable, as is? In fact I think I am incredible, and if that makes me incredibly weird terminally unique, than so be it. I am what I am and that is all that I am. Unfortunently my meds separate me from my spirit and God, at least I cant feel his presence anymore. Makes me bland...listless...tired...average...simple, and yet with memories of other places I have been. I haveS not told half of what there is to tell, well because I want you to read my book. I have been working on the second one too!
My friend and I agree that we are 90/10 people. 90 percent normal...with that 10 percent that frightens others. Its a fringe zone in society.
Next case in point. "I dont talk much." Afraid to go out in public? No good with women? Sounds right up my alley, sounds like all my fault? I did all that? Just me? No prior history of being a fukn weirdo? Damn its like we were made for each other, blind, blind...blind as a bat. Cause and effect. So obvious it makes laugh. Good luck in the search. Farewell my handsome prince, weird is the new sexy, but only to a chosen few. Your own skin is way fukn better than hiding out...have I got a story to tell or what?
Have you ever gone completely against the grain? Stood out? Believed in something absolutely no one else believes in? I swear its my first time...fukn weird for me. Seriously always had to fit in and now there is no way I can! When you go insane on social media and proclaim you have found your soul mate on facebook...well thats hard to live down, and I aint one to crawl and hide in the corner, obviously because I have a blog and keep talking about it! I guess because the magnitude of the things that went through my head are just so big and odd and scary and too much for a one hour therapy session...guess I got sumtin to say...kept all the psychosis stories secret my whole life, and I just dont even understand how the story went from hell to heaven, or why Adam, or why people arent too interested in such odditities of psychology, and circling around me wanting to know the details of my experiences. In my opinion its wicked cool...but I think people are bland, afraid of flavor unless it is in a movie that they can detach from. They just want me to be healthy and fit in a little box. And it seems no one is interested in things out of the ordinary, I feel muzzled in this little town, hide little girl...you are too much. Shhh dont talk about that! So really blogging has helped me alot.
Shouldnt all sorts of Gods children be pleasing? I mean, I dont feel as I should be unacceptable, as is? In fact I think I am incredible, and if that makes me incredibly weird terminally unique, than so be it. I am what I am and that is all that I am. Unfortunently my meds separate me from my spirit and God, at least I cant feel his presence anymore. Makes me bland...listless...tired...average...simple, and yet with memories of other places I have been. I haveS not told half of what there is to tell, well because I want you to read my book. I have been working on the second one too!
My friend and I agree that we are 90/10 people. 90 percent normal...with that 10 percent that frightens others. Its a fringe zone in society.
Next case in point. "I dont talk much." Afraid to go out in public? No good with women? Sounds right up my alley, sounds like all my fault? I did all that? Just me? No prior history of being a fukn weirdo? Damn its like we were made for each other, blind, blind...blind as a bat. Cause and effect. So obvious it makes laugh. Good luck in the search. Farewell my handsome prince, weird is the new sexy, but only to a chosen few. Your own skin is way fukn better than hiding out...have I got a story to tell or what?
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