So there is no way my recovery story beats and nor do I dare compete with one year heroin junkie banger in a room full of heroine junkie bangers. And remember AA is a subculture and yes all new types of people I have met. My story to a room full of treatment people is probably good but not as out standing as my friends. I do love her and I am not jealous, I think it is amazing how she glows and I feel like that new song all about that base was about her debut out of jail as a healthy person. Her body is rocking and she was wearing a shirt I gave her tonight and it looked so good, I needed her to take it off and give it back to me. Not that I minded it looked amazing on her...it just reminded me it looked amazing on me! I hope its not wrong of me...I am sure this is just normal friend feelings haha.
Back to the meeting. Probably 40 people at the westend and I have trouble breathing lately anyway, you know with my possible brain damage hypochondriac freak somethings wanting to kill me phobias. Possibly Adam...maybe the apocalypse but certainly immenent tragedy bestows me because I have migraines and mix my words around? yeah I dont know if anyones buying but at least my psychologist is concerned. So there I am tender as a fudgecycle dripping in the June sun with more sobriety than any other woman in the room. I wait til 845 and go after my friend who's backstory is so unbelievable to my sheltered world where one hit of pot spits me into other realms. And yes I smoked tons of it in high school...hence zombie cheerleader! Anywho I am like yeah I was shy and a loner type and got spun out on popularity sky rockets my freshman year...because I wore a hot little skirt, but I didnt know who I was. Yada yada yawn cheerleader...I know they stopped listening when I mentioned cheerleader. Anyway despite that I think they didnt relate at all because I am not hardcore, I think I tell a very amazing 1 step story, that is not too graphic, not to witchy spooky, I dont mention demons or the front seat. I have a simple way to express my recovery...I did it! Like no way...I didnt over load...I am so proud of myself. I do have a gage! I have boundaries! OMG I need to call Adam and tell him...he wanted me to read the book and I started it several times...but I just need to tell him right now lol. That would be so the most ironic call...because you shoved me off my pink cloud and smacked me up side the head via the the legal system, I can protect myself, respect myself and I have boundaries on my fricken mouth in public...obviously not on my blog. But this is something to leap for joy about! Ima a bout to flip on some Kelly Clarkson and have a dance party with myself!!!
And yes I said I was gonna write a book but I have no computer now. Its totally blitz and was missing keys anyway. My nice one has been held for evidence by investigators since December. I like to imagine them with tissue as they read through it...ah what a beautiful heartwarming story! Simply because I was so in love and happy with all the so called "dirt" on that laptop. And no it didnt get twisted or sick ever I was working my ass off to get better and telling him about it. I was never afraid of them finding anything disturbing. Yes I was like more into talking about sex than ever, but sex is human and frankly I am pretty innocent about it so there! I had stopped writing after the heaven psychosis...And then months later when I had processed it and accepted it I wrote about it in February and then prayed about it and made that public this summer...just to as to show what happens to me and I did it because it makes me feel less alone. So I hope I can actually get my laptop back...I do want to work on another book. I have some editing to do on PiraTess because when I was all spiritual this summer I started adding insights into last years writing as to add depth and increase interest to the reader, into what is psychotic thinking. It is like enlightenment I guess and its like the universe connects and everything streamlines and you feel like you understand your inner self beyond the flesh...okay anyway have to read that again but dont fricken feel like looking at the thing for like at least a year, I am sick of it! New book!
Back to the meeting. Probably 40 people at the westend and I have trouble breathing lately anyway, you know with my possible brain damage hypochondriac freak somethings wanting to kill me phobias. Possibly Adam...maybe the apocalypse but certainly immenent tragedy bestows me because I have migraines and mix my words around? yeah I dont know if anyones buying but at least my psychologist is concerned. So there I am tender as a fudgecycle dripping in the June sun with more sobriety than any other woman in the room. I wait til 845 and go after my friend who's backstory is so unbelievable to my sheltered world where one hit of pot spits me into other realms. And yes I smoked tons of it in high school...hence zombie cheerleader! Anywho I am like yeah I was shy and a loner type and got spun out on popularity sky rockets my freshman year...because I wore a hot little skirt, but I didnt know who I was. Yada yada yawn cheerleader...I know they stopped listening when I mentioned cheerleader. Anyway despite that I think they didnt relate at all because I am not hardcore, I think I tell a very amazing 1 step story, that is not too graphic, not to witchy spooky, I dont mention demons or the front seat. I have a simple way to express my recovery...I did it! Like no way...I didnt over load...I am so proud of myself. I do have a gage! I have boundaries! OMG I need to call Adam and tell him...he wanted me to read the book and I started it several times...but I just need to tell him right now lol. That would be so the most ironic call...because you shoved me off my pink cloud and smacked me up side the head via the the legal system, I can protect myself, respect myself and I have boundaries on my fricken mouth in public...obviously not on my blog. But this is something to leap for joy about! Ima a bout to flip on some Kelly Clarkson and have a dance party with myself!!!
And yes I said I was gonna write a book but I have no computer now. Its totally blitz and was missing keys anyway. My nice one has been held for evidence by investigators since December. I like to imagine them with tissue as they read through it...ah what a beautiful heartwarming story! Simply because I was so in love and happy with all the so called "dirt" on that laptop. And no it didnt get twisted or sick ever I was working my ass off to get better and telling him about it. I was never afraid of them finding anything disturbing. Yes I was like more into talking about sex than ever, but sex is human and frankly I am pretty innocent about it so there! I had stopped writing after the heaven psychosis...And then months later when I had processed it and accepted it I wrote about it in February and then prayed about it and made that public this summer...just to as to show what happens to me and I did it because it makes me feel less alone. So I hope I can actually get my laptop back...I do want to work on another book. I have some editing to do on PiraTess because when I was all spiritual this summer I started adding insights into last years writing as to add depth and increase interest to the reader, into what is psychotic thinking. It is like enlightenment I guess and its like the universe connects and everything streamlines and you feel like you understand your inner self beyond the flesh...okay anyway have to read that again but dont fricken feel like looking at the thing for like at least a year, I am sick of it! New book!
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