The GPS has been on 11 months. It has never been necessary as I have never been angry at Adam, and he has never been in danger. But yes I did text him 7 times when I was spiritually higher than a kite, which violated the restraining order...something my gauge of right and wrong would not have allowed in reality. I am glad that it was just seven times because I was at various levels of that high for 3 months, that was July through October last year. The GPS was put on in December for a texted picture, which included a trip to jail with bond at $35,000. They figured each text in August to be worth $5000. The GPS costs $400 per month and if the law actually paid attention to this story and what happened to me for the first time in my life (first time to heaven!), maybe they would realize that I am not a danger, not even of a drive by leg humping, or anything. Out of my own growth and respect I don't go near him, and the GPS is not why.
So here are the reasons I grew to love this little black blinking part of my body, besides the gangsta limp, lol.
1. Status. Yes people do see me as a potential murderer...thank you Lorraina Bobbit and all the other mental murderers everywhere. Sorry not me! Thanks for playing...and no Mrs. Susan I very much resent you saying I could have killed him...princesses in heaven do not kill their prince magical lovers! lol Dude took my nightmares away and helped me heal...why oh why would I want him dead, or even a scratch. Yeah and if anyone scratches him, or picks on him, or calls him names, for being scared about all this I will get feisty! And me feisty is hilarious...I have trouble feeling or showing anger, and I don't know how to fight verbally or physically. Maybe never really needed to be like that, not sure! So yeah it will be a glare, and "don't do that"...and then stomping away, haha! I have heard Adam called every name in the book and it pisses me off! I stick up for him, and people tell me not too...Ye be warned because I can punch a stationary bag now! My gloves are pink. Don't call me names or him either, or I might schedule a time for coffee, so we can discuss your aggression and behavior and then ask Jesus to come into your heart! Okay there is my stalker status!
2. People glaring and gawking at me. So that actually was all part of my ascent into becoming a badass. Me who had to know what everyone thought, so I could know what to think of myself. I got some skin and I rocked that bitch everywhere I went. Wore lots of sexy dresses! And let people stare and comment. And I am a better person for taking some shit, and learning not to be so sensitive! And its a great conversation piece when I so choose to share!
3. Found a man friend for the first time in my life that has no physical expectations of me, that wants to pay for all this non sense I cannot afford. He hired a lawyer too, not that he could get me out of the felonies, which I think is really weird. Its because the laws in this state about insanity haven't been changed since the 1970s, I think I will work on that too. I wonder if said man is trying to buy my heart and being patient. I haven't hung out with any other guy for over a year...but I see this one like a dad.
4. If a man sees your GPS and is still attracted to you...game over. Enough said?
5. Making fun of songs. Fergie's new Tell em Where I am at. Shes in London, now Jamaica now France, thats fabulous! Bitch I am on Broadwater! Check it. And now I am going to be located at the second hand-store! And guess what if I really want to shock you, Ima buy some groceries. And even when I am completely nuts I have never gone near the man, and do you really think a GPS could save him from my passionate kisses, especially if I catch him out of bounds, lol. Totally kidding. Because I have to drop everything and run away like a frightened little girl...shucks I really cant walk up to him and stick my tongue in his mouth, gosh freakin darnit! What if I just stick out my tongue to show him exactly what kind of action he is missing, before I run away screaming "have mercy, for gosh sake please have mercy, end the freaking battle already...are you sure you don't like me just a little??? Like really really sure? Like you said a lifetime, but are you sure?" And this is definitely happening in Walmart and they are used to wackadoodles,...so then after screaming all that the best I can, because I don't really have a screaming decibel in my voice, I would crumble into the fetal position on the floor and start hysterically crying, I would do this in the lingerie department, so maybe we could work it out, and buy something real hot for $7.49 in red...or something??? I am relentless...but funny no?
6. Explaining it delicately to the innocent of this world...well see there was this guy and I went out of reality...Oh my God what did you do to him? Um I have.....serious texting issues...I did not "have him at hello!" Oh Adam...
7. Ima be famous. And not because I am a stalker and I was writing a book the whole time. But because I am a Halfling...like half mental and half hilarious, half gifted and half moron, half weird man-woman, half successful, half disabled, half wanna be, and half rockstar. Too many bipolar halves of me I just need to rock makeup on half my face with a side pony...maybe paint some stars on my cheeks Like Rainbow Bright, and get the other side to frown and cry. FUDGE! Or maybe it will be because I stalked a man when I was psychotic and married him in heaven??? And then came back to relax, and kick back, during a legal nightmare...all while learning how to live without booze for the first time, damn I really am totally hip, huh? Like a Hipster...
8. My recovery story is fabulous and who knows what would have happened if i didn't fall in love and become femme fatale? How interesting is that? I hope my story helps other women!
9. You cant go swimming...began to trust my boys by themselves at water-parks. You have to prop your leg when bathing...and there is no way to shave around a GPS! This allowed me to be more comfortable with never caring to shave my legs for a year, well not often! TMI I don't care!
10.My crime is unique and strange that it really sets me apart from other criminals and in ode to Michael Jacksons song Smooth Criminal, Mr. Adam there was nothing smooth about it. I am now the opposite of smooth...and feel sexy as ever! I don't need beer to be Crazy Sexy Cool. Yeah see I am goofy sexy...the kind of girl that will trip and fall her face while attempting to be sexy. At least I am good for a laugh!
Bonus! The best part is I can purposely scare men away, by pointing at my ankle and going off on my story...oh no really it was just texting. It works fast, efficiently and I just say well no sorry not dating, and if they persist and most will, I say um, this thing on my ankle is not to monitor me for alcohol, because I AM SO SOBER, I make my eyes big and that look is freaky in itself!!! And I never mention the bonus December boobie pic, because that might not be scary to most...because I agree with pretty much everyone else that my boobs are high achievers, intelligent, well balanced and if I had them at college age maybe they would have gotten me into Harvard?
So here are the reasons I grew to love this little black blinking part of my body, besides the gangsta limp, lol.
1. Status. Yes people do see me as a potential murderer...thank you Lorraina Bobbit and all the other mental murderers everywhere. Sorry not me! Thanks for playing...and no Mrs. Susan I very much resent you saying I could have killed him...princesses in heaven do not kill their prince magical lovers! lol Dude took my nightmares away and helped me heal...why oh why would I want him dead, or even a scratch. Yeah and if anyone scratches him, or picks on him, or calls him names, for being scared about all this I will get feisty! And me feisty is hilarious...I have trouble feeling or showing anger, and I don't know how to fight verbally or physically. Maybe never really needed to be like that, not sure! So yeah it will be a glare, and "don't do that"...and then stomping away, haha! I have heard Adam called every name in the book and it pisses me off! I stick up for him, and people tell me not too...Ye be warned because I can punch a stationary bag now! My gloves are pink. Don't call me names or him either, or I might schedule a time for coffee, so we can discuss your aggression and behavior and then ask Jesus to come into your heart! Okay there is my stalker status!
2. People glaring and gawking at me. So that actually was all part of my ascent into becoming a badass. Me who had to know what everyone thought, so I could know what to think of myself. I got some skin and I rocked that bitch everywhere I went. Wore lots of sexy dresses! And let people stare and comment. And I am a better person for taking some shit, and learning not to be so sensitive! And its a great conversation piece when I so choose to share!
3. Found a man friend for the first time in my life that has no physical expectations of me, that wants to pay for all this non sense I cannot afford. He hired a lawyer too, not that he could get me out of the felonies, which I think is really weird. Its because the laws in this state about insanity haven't been changed since the 1970s, I think I will work on that too. I wonder if said man is trying to buy my heart and being patient. I haven't hung out with any other guy for over a year...but I see this one like a dad.
4. If a man sees your GPS and is still attracted to you...game over. Enough said?
5. Making fun of songs. Fergie's new Tell em Where I am at. Shes in London, now Jamaica now France, thats fabulous! Bitch I am on Broadwater! Check it. And now I am going to be located at the second hand-store! And guess what if I really want to shock you, Ima buy some groceries. And even when I am completely nuts I have never gone near the man, and do you really think a GPS could save him from my passionate kisses, especially if I catch him out of bounds, lol. Totally kidding. Because I have to drop everything and run away like a frightened little girl...shucks I really cant walk up to him and stick my tongue in his mouth, gosh freakin darnit! What if I just stick out my tongue to show him exactly what kind of action he is missing, before I run away screaming "have mercy, for gosh sake please have mercy, end the freaking battle already...are you sure you don't like me just a little??? Like really really sure? Like you said a lifetime, but are you sure?" And this is definitely happening in Walmart and they are used to wackadoodles,...so then after screaming all that the best I can, because I don't really have a screaming decibel in my voice, I would crumble into the fetal position on the floor and start hysterically crying, I would do this in the lingerie department, so maybe we could work it out, and buy something real hot for $7.49 in red...or something??? I am relentless...but funny no?
6. Explaining it delicately to the innocent of this world...well see there was this guy and I went out of reality...Oh my God what did you do to him? Um I have.....serious texting issues...I did not "have him at hello!" Oh Adam...
7. Ima be famous. And not because I am a stalker and I was writing a book the whole time. But because I am a Halfling...like half mental and half hilarious, half gifted and half moron, half weird man-woman, half successful, half disabled, half wanna be, and half rockstar. Too many bipolar halves of me I just need to rock makeup on half my face with a side pony...maybe paint some stars on my cheeks Like Rainbow Bright, and get the other side to frown and cry. FUDGE! Or maybe it will be because I stalked a man when I was psychotic and married him in heaven??? And then came back to relax, and kick back, during a legal nightmare...all while learning how to live without booze for the first time, damn I really am totally hip, huh? Like a Hipster...
8. My recovery story is fabulous and who knows what would have happened if i didn't fall in love and become femme fatale? How interesting is that? I hope my story helps other women!
9. You cant go swimming...began to trust my boys by themselves at water-parks. You have to prop your leg when bathing...and there is no way to shave around a GPS! This allowed me to be more comfortable with never caring to shave my legs for a year, well not often! TMI I don't care!
10.My crime is unique and strange that it really sets me apart from other criminals and in ode to Michael Jacksons song Smooth Criminal, Mr. Adam there was nothing smooth about it. I am now the opposite of smooth...and feel sexy as ever! I don't need beer to be Crazy Sexy Cool. Yeah see I am goofy sexy...the kind of girl that will trip and fall her face while attempting to be sexy. At least I am good for a laugh!
Bonus! The best part is I can purposely scare men away, by pointing at my ankle and going off on my story...oh no really it was just texting. It works fast, efficiently and I just say well no sorry not dating, and if they persist and most will, I say um, this thing on my ankle is not to monitor me for alcohol, because I AM SO SOBER, I make my eyes big and that look is freaky in itself!!! And I never mention the bonus December boobie pic, because that might not be scary to most...because I agree with pretty much everyone else that my boobs are high achievers, intelligent, well balanced and if I had them at college age maybe they would have gotten me into Harvard?
