Cansir Sticks Aren't Lucky...

I am so just absolutely hating myself that I won't quit smoking.  My book is glaring at me that I talked about it and tried the entire time, as it was one of my Back to 15 goals.  So what the heck I am all this Spiritual Goddess hand maiden to the creator, and I can't stop the addiction.  And I am not physically addicted and how I know is I never craved or had withdrawals in jail or psyche.  So literally it is a head trip, and to know that makes it worse. I've been smoking for 20 years and it is just nasty.  I was able to quit for three weeks and my skin absolutely started glowing and I was radiating health almost immediately. Like my skin flushed with healthy cells, and I thought looking shiny alone in itself was a prize enough...but no.  Fudge it, seriously I think I could if I wasn't around smokers constantly...because I have no qualms about being a mooch for them, which makes me feel like a crack horror.  Literally loathe myself for this habit.  Its weakness and I don't want it.  When I wasn't smoking those three weeks I felt so proud and so confident and healthy.  I looked at people smoking and thought they looked gross.  I was all about it.  I don't know why I can't want that more than a leather face.  This is really the last thing that I hate about myself.  What in Tar Nation?  Cereal lustly! Lucky Charms are my fav!


I wish I had my "Lucky" back.  That's my "witches' black cat."  He was so cool, he had long black hair and no tail, as a manx.  And the strangest orange spot of fur that looked like it was spray painted on. I let the little stinker outside too much though. He disappeared when I was in the hospital, maybe he missed me and set out on a journey. Zander my orange tabby was always safe outside, I had him for thirteen years...a pirate stole my cats I am pretty sure. I am a crazy cat lady with no cats. Boo.