From Miranda with love...
I wish I had a way to tell you I was cool in prison? But I just wasn't, and prison wasn't cool. I've been really medicated and had episodes anyway...huge full blown naked in intake hallucinating psychotic episodes...
I still got that heart beat you know? But the concept that I'm going to be a writer that gets discovered has left me. I don't feel so famous... frivolous or fancy. I feel plain. My hair almost all fell out from meds. I'm almost 42???
I just want to be well for my kids. I am in a halfway house 🏡. Too legit to quit! I still have love for Adam but it's lost the fantasy part because I realized it was based on lust.
My therapist gave me home work on deciphering love, lust, and affection and I thought...if he was bald and lost his abs would I feel the same because it's based off good feeler memories...of the hugging nature and starry eyes and ponytail...yada yada we've heard this? But it's been seven years and I am not as hott either so touche'.
All I am saying is prison sucked. It's not worth it. And if you're wondering why I went to prison for a probation violation...me too???
It's cause I'm mental. Not because I violated the restraining order. I didnt. I actually violated because I was trying to get into the hospital during a psychosis and they had me for trespass.
Eighteen months. Holy shit! Why God! I have ten journals full though! Read a ton of books. Studied Buddhism. AA. Yoga. Parenting classes...etc. I'd like to say I worked out a ton but the most I mustered was walking on the treadmill and stretching. I weigh 26 pounds less than I did when I went in...so...food was actually good in there! Not like jail where I did spend 6 months of the 18.
Believe me that I made myself laugh wandering the track alone...just my mind as a solo artist. I'm not clickish I guess. Women were nice enough. Played volleyball was very good at it still... basketball too. Made so many shots Teri called me Kobe! No looky!
Thought of FB jokes. Stuff to say when I got out that would make it funny. Well fuk that. Not after 18 months! Nothing funny about girls wondering what you got to do to make stalking a felony???
Well that's a long ass story...but I just say seven texts and a boob shot outta do it.
Funk I gotta go to bed!!!
Good night ya all!