Well sometimes dreams can trick you. I woke up in tears and I swear it will be the last time. Life is so freaking unfair! I had a dream I was trying to get to Adam. And there of course we're so many obstacles. Like I am walking through his yard and this perimeter in yellow pops up that he rigged to catch me and then he comes roaring up in a fancy lifted sparkly blue Chevy hops out and says you can't be here with spotlights on me! And then this old lady hops out and frickin shoots me in the stomach and it's his gf, or his sister? Or I think I am finding him and faces change and he goes "surprise" this is who I really am and the next thing I know a vampire chick is eating chunks off me.
I sit in a living room and wait for him cause he says he's gonna be there and I sit for hours. I sneak through this house and hear two girls whispering about me "guess what she did..." And it's a creepy house...per Adam of course! And I knock on a door and he peaks out like he was gonna deny me again. And then he comes out looking like the God I have made him, all cut and beautiful like my pirate, and I hug him with the best damn hug ever imaginable and then I just start crying with relief.
That's when I wake up. It was so damn real. And I wake up and immediately real tears start pouring. Cause I just think that life is so unfair. I have fifty million dudes coming after me on FB every day. They are all gross and over sexual with me, and they are not my fictitious man. It's so dissapointing to say the least to have created someone to love in my mind to love out of memories and a body, soul I kissed... what have you and have all these empty brainless wannabees try to compete with Adam.
And I think it is not fair that I have this attraction to someone who is scared of me! And all these other dudes don't seem to be scared so I try to scare them. I list off all my negatives without hesitation...I don't want them to like me because it seems these men think I am some kind of icon. Like a Marilyn Monroe to use as a poke like something pin up to poke. And I try to explain how much more there is to me...and it all just feels so painfully empty and glum that I don't even want to try. Like all of them! It feels altered that is all they would want or think of me and I am not having it! The last guy I even tried to date was the same way...just makes me want to puke!
So if I have to have an imaginary life where I get hugs from Adam in my dreams...so be it. I'm kinda in a down phase and the meds have taken over and I'm just dull. I can't write my book...I'm lazy...do pretty much nothing. You know how other people prefer me to be in this life. I wish there was a happy medium where I could be happy too...buts it's either this or wrecking cars and talking to Jake...going to the hospital or facken getting caught searching ghost towns for my pirate! So what the fuk I sleep all the time...it's how people like it.
And I guess if I get dreams where I hug a beautiful man pirate healthy hottie then it's gonna be ok! I hope me hugging him all over in my dream didn't scare him! I just imagine his night terrors...oh God the crazy lady was doing voodoo on me hugging the shit out of me again. Loves too much that fricken weirdo!
So if you are one of those wackadoodle men who wants to make me common and treat me like a stupid rag doll made me for sex...stay the fuk away! I will ruin your world lol. I'm not average and I'm not looking for average...I literally write books about dudes that make me love them. So quit coming at me with your stupid juvenile bullshit ideals on what's pleasing to a female with a universe sized heart!
Amen.
I sit in a living room and wait for him cause he says he's gonna be there and I sit for hours. I sneak through this house and hear two girls whispering about me "guess what she did..." And it's a creepy house...per Adam of course! And I knock on a door and he peaks out like he was gonna deny me again. And then he comes out looking like the God I have made him, all cut and beautiful like my pirate, and I hug him with the best damn hug ever imaginable and then I just start crying with relief.
That's when I wake up. It was so damn real. And I wake up and immediately real tears start pouring. Cause I just think that life is so unfair. I have fifty million dudes coming after me on FB every day. They are all gross and over sexual with me, and they are not my fictitious man. It's so dissapointing to say the least to have created someone to love in my mind to love out of memories and a body, soul I kissed... what have you and have all these empty brainless wannabees try to compete with Adam.
And I think it is not fair that I have this attraction to someone who is scared of me! And all these other dudes don't seem to be scared so I try to scare them. I list off all my negatives without hesitation...I don't want them to like me because it seems these men think I am some kind of icon. Like a Marilyn Monroe to use as a poke like something pin up to poke. And I try to explain how much more there is to me...and it all just feels so painfully empty and glum that I don't even want to try. Like all of them! It feels altered that is all they would want or think of me and I am not having it! The last guy I even tried to date was the same way...just makes me want to puke!
So if I have to have an imaginary life where I get hugs from Adam in my dreams...so be it. I'm kinda in a down phase and the meds have taken over and I'm just dull. I can't write my book...I'm lazy...do pretty much nothing. You know how other people prefer me to be in this life. I wish there was a happy medium where I could be happy too...buts it's either this or wrecking cars and talking to Jake...going to the hospital or facken getting caught searching ghost towns for my pirate! So what the fuk I sleep all the time...it's how people like it.
And I guess if I get dreams where I hug a beautiful man pirate healthy hottie then it's gonna be ok! I hope me hugging him all over in my dream didn't scare him! I just imagine his night terrors...oh God the crazy lady was doing voodoo on me hugging the shit out of me again. Loves too much that fricken weirdo!
So if you are one of those wackadoodle men who wants to make me common and treat me like a stupid rag doll made me for sex...stay the fuk away! I will ruin your world lol. I'm not average and I'm not looking for average...I literally write books about dudes that make me love them. So quit coming at me with your stupid juvenile bullshit ideals on what's pleasing to a female with a universe sized heart!
Amen.
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