I am just so fed up by this process. I am so fed up with how stupid this world is. I am sick of parallel universes because I cannot be successful in both! I get turned down yet again from an online magazine saying my story is neither about psychology or mental health? I feel lied to. I feel that I know too much and this plain life in Flatt is pointless. I feel sick of people's differing opinions about who I am that are so dynamically and radically opposites. I am sick of people telling me I am genius and at the same time a worthless pos to society.
Basically I am sick of living in confusion when I have seen everything laid out for me since the dawn of time and I know I am special and gifted and people's simple lives and the things they focus on and talk about drive me absolutely bonkers. Because the things I want to talk about are considered "too much" or facken insanity when I know some damn truth about the world and I am just so frustrated with how long this is taking God! And I am so tired and I am hearing whispers of voices and I am getting impatient with this! Please set it all right! I have nothing but weakness perceived in Flatt...I bitch about things that don't even register as real all over FB and people give feedback about their conception of reality and it may be kind hearted but it just punches me in the stomach over and over that I am weird for who I am so totally different like some kind of alien. Then in the same breath it's like you're just like everyone else? Do you know how confusing that gets for me God? Im sure you know but to have people's eyes get big pretty much every time you talk about the things that you have been through in this life and act all astounded to the point they change the conversation and sometimes stop talking to you completely...but then you are not rare at all there's billions of people like you but you've never met one! Of course some similar but never the same twist on it.
And I like listen to people promote on FB and get to advocate...and I am like that's it? That's all that happens to you? That's your version of the same diagnosis I got? Are you kidding me or just not being as open as me? And then I am like my town doesn't really even see me as advocate material and I am told I am too radical with my beliefs and I am like how in the hell am I so radical if there are billions of people out there hallucinating snakes in their hair and shit?
I am supremely frustrated with my poverty and I am just trying to equalize how powerful I feel on the other side versus how crushed my ego feels every time I get someone that contradicts everything I believe about who I am...every time I feel solid in it I get another look or flippant comment or that I am not ok the way YOU made me.
It's definitely a dual reality and I know it's for a reason and sometimes it feels like a big game and great big adventure that I would never want to miss and sometime I want something I do I Flatt to echo what happens in Concord. And I guess that's kind a the way that I believe EVERYONE is gonna be in the same reality at the same time...and that's how I know I am important in all this is because I remember this plan.
I'm sick of the Flatt pain, and corruption and I am sick of the entertainment industry making shows about fake shit and fake lives. I guess I am sick of not feeling important or at least not being able to prove my value monetarily struggling in Flatt for seven years and every time I think something is happening for me it isn't. Such a pattern and I guess I will know when the final crossover happens because I will be understood and famous in both realms and there is no let down from that and I find out I was only ever a hospital worker playing a role in the Game of Life!
And I am sick of no one having solid answers for my questions if who I am is so common in this world!!! If you're gonna facken give me ugly labels at least be able to explain it to me! This is so hard and I know it's like my job and destiny and that God equips me for it...but damn I just feel very alone in my beliefs...oh wait a minute the next time I go to Concord everyone will understand me! Right. Flip flop worlds. Different day, different world. And nope no movie deals as of yet. And yep looking like another month with no money. And yep people just give their common advice about working places I couldn't handle and they don't understand why I can't handle it and assume I'm making excuses. So whatever this life is God ...whatever I get to see and whatever it truly means please just speed up the process cause I am sick of my agitation over things that "nobody" understands when "everybody" is just like me! Duoh!
Basically I am sick of living in confusion when I have seen everything laid out for me since the dawn of time and I know I am special and gifted and people's simple lives and the things they focus on and talk about drive me absolutely bonkers. Because the things I want to talk about are considered "too much" or facken insanity when I know some damn truth about the world and I am just so frustrated with how long this is taking God! And I am so tired and I am hearing whispers of voices and I am getting impatient with this! Please set it all right! I have nothing but weakness perceived in Flatt...I bitch about things that don't even register as real all over FB and people give feedback about their conception of reality and it may be kind hearted but it just punches me in the stomach over and over that I am weird for who I am so totally different like some kind of alien. Then in the same breath it's like you're just like everyone else? Do you know how confusing that gets for me God? Im sure you know but to have people's eyes get big pretty much every time you talk about the things that you have been through in this life and act all astounded to the point they change the conversation and sometimes stop talking to you completely...but then you are not rare at all there's billions of people like you but you've never met one! Of course some similar but never the same twist on it.
And I like listen to people promote on FB and get to advocate...and I am like that's it? That's all that happens to you? That's your version of the same diagnosis I got? Are you kidding me or just not being as open as me? And then I am like my town doesn't really even see me as advocate material and I am told I am too radical with my beliefs and I am like how in the hell am I so radical if there are billions of people out there hallucinating snakes in their hair and shit?
I am supremely frustrated with my poverty and I am just trying to equalize how powerful I feel on the other side versus how crushed my ego feels every time I get someone that contradicts everything I believe about who I am...every time I feel solid in it I get another look or flippant comment or that I am not ok the way YOU made me.
It's definitely a dual reality and I know it's for a reason and sometimes it feels like a big game and great big adventure that I would never want to miss and sometime I want something I do I Flatt to echo what happens in Concord. And I guess that's kind a the way that I believe EVERYONE is gonna be in the same reality at the same time...and that's how I know I am important in all this is because I remember this plan.
I'm sick of the Flatt pain, and corruption and I am sick of the entertainment industry making shows about fake shit and fake lives. I guess I am sick of not feeling important or at least not being able to prove my value monetarily struggling in Flatt for seven years and every time I think something is happening for me it isn't. Such a pattern and I guess I will know when the final crossover happens because I will be understood and famous in both realms and there is no let down from that and I find out I was only ever a hospital worker playing a role in the Game of Life!
And I am sick of no one having solid answers for my questions if who I am is so common in this world!!! If you're gonna facken give me ugly labels at least be able to explain it to me! This is so hard and I know it's like my job and destiny and that God equips me for it...but damn I just feel very alone in my beliefs...oh wait a minute the next time I go to Concord everyone will understand me! Right. Flip flop worlds. Different day, different world. And nope no movie deals as of yet. And yep looking like another month with no money. And yep people just give their common advice about working places I couldn't handle and they don't understand why I can't handle it and assume I'm making excuses. So whatever this life is God ...whatever I get to see and whatever it truly means please just speed up the process cause I am sick of my agitation over things that "nobody" understands when "everybody" is just like me! Duoh!
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