Hmm I was just calling my last post "desperate sounding" and then I was really like who the funk even cares what it "sounds" like at this point? I mean really my shit is so out of bounds "not normal" for what I go through is like unheard of, eyebrow raising people laughing or running, so it's way fukn obvious I ain't gonna fit into "normal" parameters. And yes I would still like to spend a week with Adam to have some closure and figure out if it was all psychological fantasy cause I can't get one radar on him being the dude of my dreams from other people and frankly that I can't get other people to verify his greatness doesn't matter a nickel to me. He means to me what he means to me.
I wonder what the ramifications to my psychology would be if I spent a week with him and now found him disturbing or gross? Would this help me? Or hurt me? I'm kinda grabbing at straws here after five years of shaking an empty piggy bank of love. I mean my love is enough to propel a moonlight rocket ship and love is patient and kind and not supposedly selfish...but when it doesn't go away with time and frickin "legal cues" like what in the actual hell? It's way too real in my head and I would be safer to just love a ghost that can't sign legal docs, and not run around saying how scary I am! I'm not scared of spirits and maybe that's just scary! Idk???
Yeah I guess there is a desperate feeling of wanting something in Flatt to sway my way...I'm simply a little Bethsheba like to David and inviting him to my lair..."like come hither and you most def will like what kind of monster you've made out of me!" I'm just saying I'm a hell of alot cooler as an adult then I ever dreamed I would be! With depth and spirituality that I would hope would bring his inspirational life changing ass to tears.
I guess I just don't understand the way of it...how God could bring someone into my life that short amount of time and then I never get to see him again. Guess it happens but so damn weird! I've chaired two meetings on "acceptance" lately. And like damn I accept he's just gonna walk right through that door a "little late" and there won't be enough air for us both to breathe in this room....there's not enough air in this city. And damn did I ever say that straight right in front of a bunch of people that have known my feelings for five fukn years and said everything they possibly could to get me to change my mind...and I am just saying that Disney princesses do not change their mind based on what other people think...and then they win. They fukn win huh? A true heart wins...an underdog wins. A woman with a dollhouse wins. Just saying.
So I am just saying sounding desperate is of no matter to me and so what if I come up with fantastical plans to help everyone across the board. If I want to imagine we could sizzle and light shit up in my apartment for a week and rekindle what was once there (or so I thought)...only five years later? Sincerely why can't I imagine that? That's not off base lol? Not anymore off base than I have been before!
Just a good idea for a snowstorm...just saying.
I wonder what the ramifications to my psychology would be if I spent a week with him and now found him disturbing or gross? Would this help me? Or hurt me? I'm kinda grabbing at straws here after five years of shaking an empty piggy bank of love. I mean my love is enough to propel a moonlight rocket ship and love is patient and kind and not supposedly selfish...but when it doesn't go away with time and frickin "legal cues" like what in the actual hell? It's way too real in my head and I would be safer to just love a ghost that can't sign legal docs, and not run around saying how scary I am! I'm not scared of spirits and maybe that's just scary! Idk???
Yeah I guess there is a desperate feeling of wanting something in Flatt to sway my way...I'm simply a little Bethsheba like to David and inviting him to my lair..."like come hither and you most def will like what kind of monster you've made out of me!" I'm just saying I'm a hell of alot cooler as an adult then I ever dreamed I would be! With depth and spirituality that I would hope would bring his inspirational life changing ass to tears.
I guess I just don't understand the way of it...how God could bring someone into my life that short amount of time and then I never get to see him again. Guess it happens but so damn weird! I've chaired two meetings on "acceptance" lately. And like damn I accept he's just gonna walk right through that door a "little late" and there won't be enough air for us both to breathe in this room....there's not enough air in this city. And damn did I ever say that straight right in front of a bunch of people that have known my feelings for five fukn years and said everything they possibly could to get me to change my mind...and I am just saying that Disney princesses do not change their mind based on what other people think...and then they win. They fukn win huh? A true heart wins...an underdog wins. A woman with a dollhouse wins. Just saying.
So I am just saying sounding desperate is of no matter to me and so what if I come up with fantastical plans to help everyone across the board. If I want to imagine we could sizzle and light shit up in my apartment for a week and rekindle what was once there (or so I thought)...only five years later? Sincerely why can't I imagine that? That's not off base lol? Not anymore off base than I have been before!
Just a good idea for a snowstorm...just saying.
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