Seriously like just still in shock that my spiritual Awakening from a man is equated to blowing heads off! I mean the magnitude of what has happened to me with him is like the Gforce for the first trip to the moon and like way freaking unbelievable...assinine process in humiliation and for me an intriguing story that I am almost willing to write about and muse my entire existence in it's earth shattering glory well into books and books and the only one that truly gets it is me...cause I am the one with the psychology and depth of experience?
Do you think if dude is still so terrified of me how my chemical romance would hold up in court? Like hearing that opinion of what I have been through with this landed on me with such a thud! It makes me want to call him sissy pants names...and an ignorant baby...that all that can be taken from the phenomena is a fear factor!???
And then I am all accepting to be alone and write and being eccentric maybe be a script writer etc...be single cause like I am never gonna get over this soulmate shit it's too real to me? I am all yeah that's the ticket I am never gonna love again! Never gonna top all this...and then I did the bravest thing in like a year! I talked to a dude that was like immediately "I find "crazy" beautiful and intriguing!" Maybe that's what I need? Maybe some one does exist to handle me? Maybe there is a way to break free from my ongoing experience of connection and maybe even if my writing fell to dud status and walk away from a dude's only coping mechanism with what happens to me is calling me a killer?
I've only talked to this other guy for a day...I guess something about thinking about being alone the rest of my life triggered the bravery to at least talk and be open to the idea. Um I just want to say that I am thrilled by his infatuation with my "crazy beautiful" and his abs which rival Adam's lol.
I'm like in a reassessment of life mode! I know that if Adam doesn't read my blog he at least catches wind of it... I know I'm weird as shit with my love and story of why that has spanned my lifetime...but to call me out as that fukn terrifyingly to him seriously just made me instabawl...it's hard to being so fukn scary to someone you love! It's not a life option I would wish on anybody. That big just slap on the face that no matter how I try to explain it it is just way too much to process.
And it's just this huge love and admiration that falls on a ignorant ungrateful heart. And I maybe need to stop wasting such care like that. I just don't understand my connection so deep and he's that stupid and mean to call me a killer and just play up on the whole scene like he doesn't even understand my love brail! Im seriously love 101 Helen Keller for four fukn years now!..oh God five years!
I remember him saying he didn't want to mess with my head! WTF! WTF! He was so sweet WTF? Oh gosh that was a good cry! Sometimes tears are just good...dude I'm a figure this out some way some how! Love is the oddest duck ever happen to me and it's been more than publicly drug through the mud! Like fukn way hardened criminal...and I can't say that anyone really has the intellect to understand me on this anymore...because it was all in my freaking psychoses this soul connection and I can't Richter scale going to heaven to other humans I just can't!
Anyway I want to stop being a bawl baby in the moment now my nose is getting snotty lol! Ciao babes...maybe next I will have some goods news about dude I am talking to...he only lives in Arkansas not too far lol!!!
Do you think if dude is still so terrified of me how my chemical romance would hold up in court? Like hearing that opinion of what I have been through with this landed on me with such a thud! It makes me want to call him sissy pants names...and an ignorant baby...that all that can be taken from the phenomena is a fear factor!???
And then I am all accepting to be alone and write and being eccentric maybe be a script writer etc...be single cause like I am never gonna get over this soulmate shit it's too real to me? I am all yeah that's the ticket I am never gonna love again! Never gonna top all this...and then I did the bravest thing in like a year! I talked to a dude that was like immediately "I find "crazy" beautiful and intriguing!" Maybe that's what I need? Maybe some one does exist to handle me? Maybe there is a way to break free from my ongoing experience of connection and maybe even if my writing fell to dud status and walk away from a dude's only coping mechanism with what happens to me is calling me a killer?
I've only talked to this other guy for a day...I guess something about thinking about being alone the rest of my life triggered the bravery to at least talk and be open to the idea. Um I just want to say that I am thrilled by his infatuation with my "crazy beautiful" and his abs which rival Adam's lol.
I'm like in a reassessment of life mode! I know that if Adam doesn't read my blog he at least catches wind of it... I know I'm weird as shit with my love and story of why that has spanned my lifetime...but to call me out as that fukn terrifyingly to him seriously just made me instabawl...it's hard to being so fukn scary to someone you love! It's not a life option I would wish on anybody. That big just slap on the face that no matter how I try to explain it it is just way too much to process.
And it's just this huge love and admiration that falls on a ignorant ungrateful heart. And I maybe need to stop wasting such care like that. I just don't understand my connection so deep and he's that stupid and mean to call me a killer and just play up on the whole scene like he doesn't even understand my love brail! Im seriously love 101 Helen Keller for four fukn years now!..oh God five years!
I remember him saying he didn't want to mess with my head! WTF! WTF! He was so sweet WTF? Oh gosh that was a good cry! Sometimes tears are just good...dude I'm a figure this out some way some how! Love is the oddest duck ever happen to me and it's been more than publicly drug through the mud! Like fukn way hardened criminal...and I can't say that anyone really has the intellect to understand me on this anymore...because it was all in my freaking psychoses this soul connection and I can't Richter scale going to heaven to other humans I just can't!
Anyway I want to stop being a bawl baby in the moment now my nose is getting snotty lol! Ciao babes...maybe next I will have some goods news about dude I am talking to...he only lives in Arkansas not too far lol!!!
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