Day 25. Yes dude a little strange! I got problems...I got issues. "You never listen to us. We need you to listen to us." But I know when I listen I end up like a Zombie listening for weeks...have to go to psych. So I cannot assume these voices are my friends. But unless I am asleep or conversing with someone else...they are there like a noise in my head that I can't quite make out, except here and there. They keep trying to make me figure something out...and just like my nightmares for 20 some years, I can't figure it out.
This may sound scary, but I am ok with it. I am just trying to defeat the noise. Imagine if this was all being shouted at me and it was blocked by a med? That would be a full on attack on me, but I would never know it, and tra lala...go on about my day like a robot. Because I feel there is a reason bigger than "one reality" this happens to people. Such bullshit has been ruminated that this is my left side of my brain talking to my right....but I don't hear it is my head, I hear it at a distance, or like right behind me in the case of smoking out on Jane's porch the other night.
What I do hear from the noise is extremely mean to me. Like the negative things that I sometimes think about me...or how others think about me, or the negativity about Adam, amplified. As in they can read my fears and insecurities and pounce on them. It is a direct battle because they know what is in my mind and mock it. This is annoying, but not sucking me in as if you think of this happening to me as an 18 year old.
Man you would think this would happen to someone who has done alot of drugs? My third eye is blown the fuk open for some reason! Reason that may be??? Well they say I have to die to be real...um and I know I don't get to take my own life got that promise tattooed on my left wrist.
I am not sharing this to scare anybody...just being real what people go through. And I don't think I am hearing demons. I am hearing souls in a dimension that is desperate. If I listen I will be a Zombie...catatonic with fear needing to be hospitalized. That's how it was four times before I went to heaven in 2013. That's why I always refer to that year because the tables flipped, and every wrong was made right. I saw my spirit reel, I saw my scars dissapear and everyone that had ever left me comes back. This while all strapped down with a needle being shoved in my leg...yes I see alot of amazing things about my soul. Also that day I had visions of a marriage. But I didn't know if it was Adam or Jake.
So strange. And I am just gonna go about my life with the noise. Maybe its just part of me that I want to deal with. I don't know how or why humans have found medicines to block spiritual things...so I see a purpose in hearing alot greater for me than blocking it and feeding the machine.
This may sound scary, but I am ok with it. I am just trying to defeat the noise. Imagine if this was all being shouted at me and it was blocked by a med? That would be a full on attack on me, but I would never know it, and tra lala...go on about my day like a robot. Because I feel there is a reason bigger than "one reality" this happens to people. Such bullshit has been ruminated that this is my left side of my brain talking to my right....but I don't hear it is my head, I hear it at a distance, or like right behind me in the case of smoking out on Jane's porch the other night.
What I do hear from the noise is extremely mean to me. Like the negative things that I sometimes think about me...or how others think about me, or the negativity about Adam, amplified. As in they can read my fears and insecurities and pounce on them. It is a direct battle because they know what is in my mind and mock it. This is annoying, but not sucking me in as if you think of this happening to me as an 18 year old.
Man you would think this would happen to someone who has done alot of drugs? My third eye is blown the fuk open for some reason! Reason that may be??? Well they say I have to die to be real...um and I know I don't get to take my own life got that promise tattooed on my left wrist.
I am not sharing this to scare anybody...just being real what people go through. And I don't think I am hearing demons. I am hearing souls in a dimension that is desperate. If I listen I will be a Zombie...catatonic with fear needing to be hospitalized. That's how it was four times before I went to heaven in 2013. That's why I always refer to that year because the tables flipped, and every wrong was made right. I saw my spirit reel, I saw my scars dissapear and everyone that had ever left me comes back. This while all strapped down with a needle being shoved in my leg...yes I see alot of amazing things about my soul. Also that day I had visions of a marriage. But I didn't know if it was Adam or Jake.
So strange. And I am just gonna go about my life with the noise. Maybe its just part of me that I want to deal with. I don't know how or why humans have found medicines to block spiritual things...so I see a purpose in hearing alot greater for me than blocking it and feeding the machine.
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