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The Pace of life

October 02, 2017

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I'm not gonna write all about how this makes me feel or scares me for my son. He is asking a girl out today.. Just gonna send up a prayer and play this song for both of them.

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Where is my muse?

When to come to my mind would be now. Somewhere in this dark and dreary world is my sunshine. Alone alot. Tired alot. Nothing on my mind...where is my muse? Hes gone. There is nothing left to say or write or dream I am old and ready to move on to the next life. I cannot kill myself though. This life has been hard. The ups and downs of it. I am ready for your return Jesus, the waiting part is the hardest. I want to see Jacob. My main man. Someone stole my book "Cheerleaders and Straightjackets." At least they found it interesting! Where are the days where I can come up with talented writing and want to sit here for hours and type??? Why in the world did I lost sight of all that? And when did I become such a slacker? Ive been on disability `11 years now. Its catching up with me. I feel ancient and ready to die. No I am not suicidal I just feel played out. I need to grab hold of something tangible to this realm and go for it. I need a way to make money to sur

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So there I was all wrapped up in moonlight. Unafraid and finding rest in the fresh sand dunes of Sacrifice Cliff. I was naked under the stars and by far one of the most thrilling nights of my life!!! Id been hanging out with homeless people. Some from all over the world. They had been keeping up with me step for step on even my psychosis and it tripped my lid!!! All the trading and bartering. So that day id taken an older gentleman to the river. As we walked into the woods towards the river everything got really beautiful. A side note of not so side...is that I had left my glasses at home. I knew that day was gonna be live and often I ruin or throw my glasses to the bottoms of lakes!!! Because wait a minute when I am in my heavenlies I can see!!! Its a full blown miracle the way those bluffs with trees turned into natives watching over me, as I floated down the Yellowstone River that warm September day in 2022. So the guy to be unnamed said he was 21 when I asked his age. He looked 60

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Never, ever, ever say you feel like "just dying" when you are in jail. Just don't...trust me on this. Even if you are just casually commenting on the situation at hand...don't do it!!! Especially if a guard is close by! I am warning you just keep these thoughts to yourself! They strip you naked and make you wear this disgusting foam thing called a "turtle suit" and throw you in a holding cell! I was in there waiting for psych for eight hours. They do not give you anything to calm you down either??? the fuk you say? My first time in jail I was in psychosis channeling my past from conception to present day and I decided that I was Pearl and my mother was Hester Prynne and my birth father gave us the "Welfare Scarlett Letter!" I even got a letter "A" and I was gonna iron it on my birthday dress for my one year! OMG!!! I hadn't really slept in about six days when I was brought in. I had done my fourth step and was processing t

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Just as I have thought, the psychosis sounds like a cocoon. So the place I set my mind… Is out of this world. And even as I read the past few weeks over, I recognize that I only make sense to myself at that time. And if I were to try to go back and completely understand what I was experiencing during those times, I don't know if I would be able to. I do know all is a similar, linear storyline to me...and it is also scary to be in that place. I kept waking up to the end of the world...I was excited! I was relieved...and then it was not so. I don't know if I am a prophet...I don't know if I am the first or last one to know of hidden treasure, I just know I have this all inside me for a reason. I don't know the reason yet. But I am sure certain people would like to manufacture my psychosis with drugs...although it comes to me unknown in origin. Maybe I am possessed...but I did wake up and read the bible. Maybe I am just a spokesmodel of sorts that identifies with ani

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