The Flatt Line

I am hearing....negativity. My battle and they are yelling...without reason. I know from my dreams all this torture.  The only thing I can think of is my soul has some sort of past debt.  I remembered something I wrote in 2013.  I luckily found it in an email. Its really written before I understood I visit different dimensions.  I went to a nooner..and the reading said something about a prison in your mind.  I say mine is a prism. A tower.  A creation of solitude that I will only be rescued by...who I choose to rescued by...dead or living. And a pendulum between worlds personified by yes, more isolation, the narrowing marrow of fate...betwixed my heart into paralysis, muffled by the trumpet of hate.

No I definently did not say all that shit in a meeting,;p  but out of all I said in my share, what the group picked up on is that "Miranda cares too much what people think of her!" And they all lectured me about it! I guess I did say I know alot of people don't like me?  But um I am little beyond even be able to care what people think?  I mean how could I totally be all about sharing my life and still so worried about people's opinions? God gave me this life, and its mine to live...and caring so much about what people think was for the old me.  DUDES...I don't think you can even fathom what I go through, so no opinions really phase me!  There is like one human on the planet that I care about about his opinion....and sad as it is I am in my tower, awaiting some character built by my psychosis.

Here is some writing from December 2013

She was taken to the center of the high court, a crowd was gathered as she was to be born again. She walked tall, and a delicate crown sat upon her head, much like the other maidens in the room. She was a fierce competitor though, and the room grew silent as she was about to make her choice. The decision to be made was about who she would be on earth. It mattered now, as it is written, the first shall be the last, and the last shall be the first. Everyone was completely still, she knelt before the King.

“This is the last battle,” the King said. “It is important you choose your place wisely.” “Where will you fight?” “Remember what you earn here for how you spend your time on earth, before you make your choice.”

She didn’t wait to answer for fear the courage would leave her. “I will be last,”she said as one tear glistened down her face. This was a great honor in this realm, but she knew the pain it brought on earth. She had been last before, and the weight bound on earth meant a lifetime of certain torture and misery, she was burned at the stake. She pushed back the memory and stood before the King.

“Remember that the battle is here. You will not know who you are there until you are unified. No man will love you or claim you. You will only find peace in walking alone. You will face trial and torment but for every pain on earth you are gaining victory here. As the last on earth, you shall be the first here. And It is your job to make sure everyone gets back safely. You will have to find the last man before the end of the battle. Each one saves one.

She nodded. The guards took her back to her chambers where she awaited her birth, she knew she would have no memories of this realm. She had no idea what to expect on earth this time…it was always changing. She would be born new, with only her dreams to guide her on earth. She closed her eyes, took deep breaths, letting fear subside. She knew as soon as she was dreaming her spirit would be on earth. Let the battle begin.

She is surrounded by water, seemingly drowning. She kicks and pushes. She can still hear the King…”remember you’re a princess. Don’t forget who your father is!’ She knows that when you are born you forget everything, but she yells back, “Yes, Father, I understand.” I am ready for this. I trust you.” Break the water! I am ready!

She kicks hard with vigor, enthusiasm. This is the last time she will be strong, but she trusts and the water breaks. She hears the others waiting for their turn in the realm…they are coming behind her. She won’t be alone, but she knows she will feel alone. She hears a scream, she hears her mother’s voice for the first time. Her mother is afraid too. The realm is cheering in the background, telling her to be strong…but they are fading. She is starting to forget. She pushes and struggles. She is crowning. And she is born. She screams.

Suddenly where there was once peace inside her, is unrest. Fear, demonic strongholds, generational curses and sin are felt for the first time. It is painful to take on that seed. The Father Wounds are all carried on this baby girl. The seed is in her genetics, and are not apparent in her physicality. She is a beautiful baby with big blue eyes, healthy. Her mother is young. The mother holds her to her unknowing what is hidden in this child. There will be a reprieve for her daughter, but only for a short while. There is no memory of the realm. A newborn, named Eve.

The realm cheered, this was the beginning of the battle. They would all go down in order one by one. Last to first. High ranks in the realm took the lower earthly bounds with pride. It was a badge of courage to take on the difficult lives on earth. They knew they were subjecting themselves to pain untold, but there they were the mightiest of warriors. Every stripe on earth made them victors there. None knew what to expect but they knew each one saves one and they all got to come back…together…and this was the last time! These souls had been battling for ions and it was time to finally get to be with their mate for eternity. As they were born to earth, they lay dreaming in the realm. When they would awake in the realm, it would be time to fight. But this would be the last time. When the battle was over they would all get to be born in the realm and grow up as children. They would finally be with their mates they had been searching for. To grow up a child in the realm means peace, harmony, beauty and all the blessings of the King. These souls had not been children for so long, and it was the ultimate ending to a long long war. To come back as children means no more pain, no more fighting, but to run in open fields of wildflowers and an eternity of laughter. It meant experiencing abounding true love for the rest of time.

Azraela awoke to the sound of the sirens of a million screaming birds. The new war, the last war had begun. She began to put on her armor. She tightened the belt of truth around her waist. Over her head she pulled down the breastplate of righteousness. She wore her own helmet of salvation and took up her shield of faith. She had been fighting so long she trusted all these for battle. She had just witnessed her soul being born on earth and she knew the enemy would do everything to possess her there.

“Ain’t it the good life?” She hollered as she rolled up in a brand new car! And she laughed and spun out her wheels and roared right past Eve. Eve was a nervous girl. Her big blue eyes made her look scared even when she wasn’t, but she actually was quite a bit. She never quite fit in, but hey this was the first day of her freshman year, and every year she knew she could do better than the last. And she had made cheerleader! Somehow nerves and all the coaches thought that Eve, a straight A student, had what it took to be in front of a crowd. So she was wearing the outfit, and had her hair curled just so. She thought she looked cute, but as she walked in all the boys in her class just laughed at her. She should have just stuck to her books, but oh well guys like cheerleaders. She had never been the one guys would look at, just tease. To her that meant they hated her and she was no good. She didn’t think she was pretty either. “Just high school, let’s do this, she thought.”

His face hit the dirt. Not again he thought. He was the last, but he didn’t know it. He lived in a big city and all his family were drug dealers. He didn’t want to be like them, but there was really no other way…its just what he knew. He was getting beat up at the moment. He was skinny and not much for fighting and the bullys knew he always had pot on him. And his brother would kick his ass for that too. First day of high school, no less. He could just hear his brother now…”Adam why do you always have to be such a loner!” It was over he picked himself up and dusted himself off. “Just high school, let’s do this,” he thought.

“What the hell Adam?” Adam’s brother knocked over his bowl of cereal. They were out of milk, so he had put water in it. Adam’s older brother Charlie was always angry. Their parents took off with a biker gang a few years before and left all the kids to fend for themselves. “Why did you eat all the cereal?” Charlie hit Adam in the head. Adam was seven.