Hey Little One




So not really a good day...got chewed out for my boys behavior by my mom and dad.  Also got an earful for forgetting their stuff in my car, from my ex. I've got a cross bow in my back seat.  At one point I totally needed to be Jennifer Lawrence in the Hunger Games but yeah that never happened...no I don't know how to use it lol.  I will get it out to my boys asap.  Don't mock me Mocking Jay wanna be!

So also worked on destroying my ideas for a dual group. I guess I have a hard enough time being accepted at all,..so why would my own ideas for a group be ideal?  WTF would I know about it right?  Its just my perspective and the geniuses on these matters of recovery in the year 2017 understood the future and what it needed in the 30's...so who am I to question that!!!  If the wheel aint broke leave it on and drive it until its flat. No spare in the trunk, just ride the shit out of that shit!  Maybe you will reach your destination...maybe you won't!  Maybe you talk yourself in circles for years until you just feel like running your three wheeled ghetto mobile into a tree.  Maybe?

Or maybe you step up and recognize hey I see that fukn tree...and my three wheeled car has good breaks, and then you throw that shit into reverse and say hey wait!  I don't want to die and this?  This is not my prescription! I mean not my script.  I mean "everybodies" here and all. But rarely have I failed!  My capacity is honest? So let's not make failure an option.  Don't call them all failures, or can'ts or losers, repeater offenders...never gonna make it.  Too fukt up.  Too stupid.  Too whatever.  And take your car to fukn tire shop and get all four new tires...not used.  

So yeah I am being negative. I left the meeting before it started "cause raven curly hair on steroids kid" kinda took me back at the coffee station...cause he said "hi how are you" about foot away from my face and suddenly my legs went jello. LOL. Ima a dork but he so reminds me of Adam...pretty sure if Adam ended up a foot from my face I would prolly either pass the fuk out, or vomit...both super sexy if you ask me!  I think this kid is prolly like 22  just a guess.  And me I am a whopping 39!  Shit how has this happened?

I think that I have never been scared of an age my whole life...but I do feel scared to be 39?  I am not all that mature to be this old!  And like would want to have not a life crisis every few days and shit.  Wheel me in Agnes I am done for! And I got a bazillion birthday wishes from people I don't know today! But I am seriously so single minded on what I want want want...that I am really not nice to dudes.  And that right there folks is my tree in front of me...and its like one of those huge Redwood ones that you can literally drive a car straight on through.   And the forest is so thick...but I just want to keep driving my car full speed towards that tree...not through it, not around it...but I want to scale that impossible tree. That massive asshole of a tree. I want to sit on top of that tree. And I want to wear the bark off that tree like panties... panties made out of bark...lol. That sounds about as comfortable as my reputation!

Okay that's enough now. LOL...I guess my birthday is ok. LOL that one really got me.  My babies are tired and ready for bed...night night!

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