Well I got my homework done for Big Sky EDA tomorrow. Its whatever. I don't know what I am supposed to be doing with this life...if its not one thing its another and the directions I go in always end in defeat in Flatt. I am gonna go to the appointment with no expectations. Even though tons of people have told me its a good idea, they seemingly expect me to pull it off on my own. And a week ago or months ago, yeah sure why not...prove yourself...just do it. You can do this. But I cannot choose Flatt over the spiritual, because that is where my love is...that is where my fire is, and I am already proven there.
Seems people in power want to keep things how they are. I am just gonna have no expectations this time. No fricken excitement...no someone telling me yes, then telling me no. No "I think I have a job," oh wait "you're a felon" or "you're crazy." "too much", ""too little," and so on. If I didn't care about other people going through this struggle, I would think my fire to even try would seriously be pissed on to be put out.
But I am gonna get up tomorrow, because its the second I wake up I can hear...I am gonna put on a nice outfit and a smile. Be an actress. Act as if. I think my bubbly personality is in the back seat unfortunately. Maybe it would be helpful to be receiving outside input right now...comments would be cool whichever way they went. But I get nothing. And I think every time I try to post my plan its like blank? That is so weird!
Anyway those are my doubts of honesty. Seems business making money on the poor is business as usual. I think it is that I threatened to sue the court? And even when I took that out of the plan and tried to come up with other incentive money for people in recovery...its getting ignored coming from me, and someone else on the other side of the popular fence will start up the same exact damn thing.
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Something else that has me going today is how sick and rude some men are! The sick ones think it is cool to show off their junk at first contact like a freakin calling card? Is this what people do these days? Whatever happened to romance, it makes me sad that people act this way towards one another...and definitely in ConCord no one treats women that way. Sex is sacred and not like a freakin porno...its beautiful and loving and whole. Geez I am literally crying how awful Flatt is. This is not the way God wanted for his world...and I just hope and pray it doesn't go on this way much longer.
And then another guy was like "took you damn long enough to respond." And not in a joking way. He had wished me Happy Birthday and I didn't say anything for two days and then said "Thank you." And he freaked out. BLOCK. It's really scary how most of them act towards me. And I just delete them as they message me...or say rude things. Its been a process. And I could go through and delete one by one...but everytime I try to do that it seems too daunting. WHINER!
I just feel sad today...I need someone to make me laugh. I really need a good laugh. Maybe I will call Jennifer.
Here is a random song that I have been liking lately....its da truth.
Rx
Seems people in power want to keep things how they are. I am just gonna have no expectations this time. No fricken excitement...no someone telling me yes, then telling me no. No "I think I have a job," oh wait "you're a felon" or "you're crazy." "too much", ""too little," and so on. If I didn't care about other people going through this struggle, I would think my fire to even try would seriously be pissed on to be put out.
But I am gonna get up tomorrow, because its the second I wake up I can hear...I am gonna put on a nice outfit and a smile. Be an actress. Act as if. I think my bubbly personality is in the back seat unfortunately. Maybe it would be helpful to be receiving outside input right now...comments would be cool whichever way they went. But I get nothing. And I think every time I try to post my plan its like blank? That is so weird!
Anyway those are my doubts of honesty. Seems business making money on the poor is business as usual. I think it is that I threatened to sue the court? And even when I took that out of the plan and tried to come up with other incentive money for people in recovery...its getting ignored coming from me, and someone else on the other side of the popular fence will start up the same exact damn thing.
********************************************************************************
Something else that has me going today is how sick and rude some men are! The sick ones think it is cool to show off their junk at first contact like a freakin calling card? Is this what people do these days? Whatever happened to romance, it makes me sad that people act this way towards one another...and definitely in ConCord no one treats women that way. Sex is sacred and not like a freakin porno...its beautiful and loving and whole. Geez I am literally crying how awful Flatt is. This is not the way God wanted for his world...and I just hope and pray it doesn't go on this way much longer.
And then another guy was like "took you damn long enough to respond." And not in a joking way. He had wished me Happy Birthday and I didn't say anything for two days and then said "Thank you." And he freaked out. BLOCK. It's really scary how most of them act towards me. And I just delete them as they message me...or say rude things. Its been a process. And I could go through and delete one by one...but everytime I try to do that it seems too daunting. WHINER!
I just feel sad today...I need someone to make me laugh. I really need a good laugh. Maybe I will call Jennifer.
Here is a random song that I have been liking lately....its da truth.
Rx
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