"Little Shack"

EEEEkkkkkk I worried a historical landmark had been destroyed today!  LOL.  I answered an ad for a computer...she told me her address and I thought nothing of it.  So I am driving down the street and I am like wait this looks strangely familiar.  Hmmm...OMG!  This is where Adam's old little shack was...hadn't been near it in four years.  I know he doesn't live there so I know it is safe...but I look to the left and there is construction right where I thought it was...like everything torn down.

Talk about panic.  I am like "no they can't do that!'  Not that little house...no!!!  So I go look at the computer and it is a no go...and I went down the alley..."Phew" it is still there.  New siding I think...looks nicer...but yes, I plan on making that shack famous and owning it and having overnight picnics there...you know because I am just that weird.

Here's a clip about that shack from Book two:  Explaining early sobriety, attraction and the treatment court happens in the 2nd and 3rd chapter for an update because thats all in my first book a "prequel" if any wants to read. I really want my second book to be more about the things I have seen in visions and dreams which shape my perspective on the world, and how traipsing in and out of reality affects a person in Flatt and ConCord.

After dinner he wanted to show me his leather work. You know how you make designs in leather, and he does it beautifully. Well he was going to make me a leather belt with my name on it. He needed to measure my waist. He knelt down on one knee...and used a metal tape measure. “Ai yai yai.”..something happened in that moment to me. Something magical...something like the whole little shack swirling around me and being lifted off the ground. He was simply kneeling there measuring my waist with a metal tape measure, and that's like almost “stupid???” And yet, I was physically electrified this simple scene. Turned on...freaked out! It was a new sensational experience to me, liked something that had been turned “OFF” in me all my life had suddenly been slammed into the “ON” position. And so I immediately thought “I need to go, now!” “Hope the belt turns out cool, OK bye!” “Gotta go.” And I bolted out of his house...Wow.   

So there is one scene in the shack...see if it becomes a movie, then we need that shack!!!  LOL.  Anyway I can realize that my writing and fantasies and memories could in fact be completely outrageous and like who the fuk cares?  And why is it a big deal to have new sensations in your mid thirties and feel electricity...literally freaking sparks. I know.  Maybe you don't, maybe no one does...I am psycho and believe in magic and souls and this is what I am into for now...and 2500 dudes on FB didn't sway my mind! I am a real loyal freak...except the "dead" competition right? ha.

I dated Dragon for almost three years.  THANK GOD.  But I always believed my psychosis, but frankly just like for 16 years ignored it.  With how rapid and how undeniable these experiences have become in my life...it is not something I can ignore and act like doesn't happen...and frankly I would die, if I tried to ignore the freakin magnitude of this shit/gift!  Whatever you want to call it, I don't think I can minimize it or hide it behind a business suit ever again!  OMG.


And people can say you shouldn't believe your psychosis.  Well try having psychosis for twenty years and tell me if what you're gonna believe about all the shit you see "somewhere else."  Just because it isn't real to you (Mom) doesn't mean there is no possibility that its not real "somewhere" and a journey I am suppose to be on for a reason!

I guess I am just saying this all happened.  And to me it is so freakin unreal!!!  Like big.  Like super strange, big phenomenal, supernatural etc.  And I am so super excited to be on a second book!  I got my laptop out of pawn today...I guess people either A) think my writing is ridiculous and a waste of breath not worth helping with.or B)  that they think my struggle is the entertaining part C) or don't want to Go Fund Me a Computer because they know me STRONG LIKE BULL and can pull off books on a laptop that is now being sold for parts (says the pawn shop)  LOL.  ah shit I am going VIRAL...no thats just ads popping up while I am typing, and interrupting my pure genious!  lol too much. I don't spells genious rite.

I digress, so for whatever reason my new 2500 male FB friends that think I am so (beautiful, sexy,cool) but have no interest in reading what I am about or helping fund my dreams...I agree I was very ignorant to believe that would help me? But please somebody tell me why shouldn't it of helped me?  Oh yeah I am cursed!  How the fuk can I forget how cursed I am??? But maybe all 2500 did pop in on my blog and be like whoa this chick "hot" but "mess" and she cray cray over some dude named Adam and he don't want her and she's so into him,  so she must be real cray cray...oh and she plays games with a ghost named Jake?  Drinks poison water and pretends to be an actress in the ER? Oh she super ridiculously insane.  And I will just say I am 50/50 want to roll the dice?  Its so funny how that all turned out!  And I know my writing isn't for everyone...nor the intensity/strangeness of the things that happen to me.  Trust me I realize that "Miranda Dye" is just her own particular flavor...remember those Sour Lemon Warheads when you had your first one ever?  Ya maybe me!!!  But I am sweet in the center baby!!!  Just take your time!!!

No NAMI job and I am relieved.  It said like "secretary" work and the next thing you know "you would be the face of NAMI." No thanks cause you are way too status quo...and I am boat rocker, lol.  NOPE.  Not the one for me!

So I am looking into how to apply for freelancing jobs. Yep gonna attempt to stop my introspection for a damn minute and write what other people want me to write.  It makes me hurt a lil on this lil girl inside of me that wrote for the college paper AND the high school paper...that I can't get local writing jobs.

HEY...guess what!  I will be getting off paper in February! No felony record! My old PO said 2020 because I was still having to go to the hospital???  wha? for real?  Probation doesn't cure what I got lol? Nope Nope. So I got a new PO and he said Februrary 2018.  Damn I hope I have some money to travel!  I saw this travel writing gig...they pay you to travel, they pay you to write...and I just fricken teared up again because that would be so cool...but what would I do in a foreign country if I started looking for Jake?  Ya know?  Mommy wouldn't be there!  So IDK.  Sounds maybe dangerous to but I almost applied.

Anyway I am really grateful that Adam didnt press charges on me for Kick Rocks night, cause I am so close to being done.  I don't really understand how things are so real to me?  How I can believe we are a ghost town?  Insanity makes too much sense to me! Its def hard to explain when I am not in it though...thats why I like to write it. I can never much speak about it at all...without people looking away, losing interest, being totally confused and making faces... or me stumbling over myself.

That is why I write!!!

Thats long enough for today!  BYE!

PS.  No extra money this month.  The lady at OPA didn't know what she was saying.  I am still giving my boys a party at KOA and then I don't know what I am gonna do!  Wish me luck...or something not cursed.

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