Ok there are alot articles on how anti psychotics are terrible for you and actually perpetuate illness. You can google as well as I can. I think what did me in was when my mother said I had no other choice than to keep taking meds and going to the hospital. That did not sit pretty for me at all! You mean you are telling me because my mind works different and I get to experience beautiful places...heaven on earth...that it needs to be taken away from me? No other choice? Ya got to know that I flip between worlds and it is getting more difficult to come back to Flatt...I am flat out sick of the system here! Don't tell me I have no choice about my own damn mind, body and soul! Seriously! As far as I can tell meds don't work, and my soul is over taking anything they might be doing and so I will shove 20 years of being a medical labrat up their wazoos.
Because there are no other options in the area, I wrote to Dr. Phil. Please give me an option Dr.Phil...Ok so I believe that psychosis is enlightenment and that I've seen past lives I have had. I also believe my psychosis is about something far greater than what I see as tangible in the present. I know God's got me, and I have been patient, but the oppostional forces in my life do make me believe that spiritually I play in the Big Leagues. I do not know how to even express the magnitude of things I have seen and heard in psychosis. I am an interesting creature for sure!
Day Seven: Its been a week since I bought any cigarettes! Yes I bum a couple at meetings, but the vape is somewhat working. In Flatt I have been sleeping alot I think my brain is healing...I've had double vision past two days and the tardive dysknesia in my face is still there. Have not hallucinated today and I applied for housekeeping at a hotel. Well I am hearing a disturbance going in another realm, but I cannot make out what they are saying and I am trying not to listen. I think this is just something I have to work through and know that I hear sometimes...and not be afraid because it is not without meaning. I think that when you stop a psychosis with psychotropics it is blocking the healing and it is associated with trauma. I think being with Adam healed alot of the trauma or at least it gave me a shattered ego like a big open can of worms lol. That had to be dealt with. well legally geez! But I had never had much counsel on my can of worms and facing it all head on was what made me grow.
I am not the same person. Way deeper for sure lol! Confused as fuk though honestly! And on a wheel of repeat. The 17th was my program birthday date for 3 years. I have five years going at this hard and its been almost 5 years since I texted Adam in psychosis. He had five years sober when I when we dated.
That it is a linear story line separated by sometimes five years of health at a time just makes me know its something worth working out in my soul and not masking. One article said people that are self aware and mature about how they deal with interferences can heal, and since I think it is spiritual and not a chemical, I have stopped being scared when I see things.
I heard an old favorite of mine today which was more meaningful to me than ever before...Amy Lee of Evanescence...I think that this song is what happened to me in 2013. And I put a couple of articles below about healing from psychosis. I want to finish my book and then STOP channeling my love for Adam. I am off paper in February and then I can go live elsewhere...I think I would like to rebuild my identity and reputation and go to school again...i thought about it and I don't think Billings is gonna ever give me that chance. IDK but I am always cooking up some ideas and never give up even though I get my ass kicked in Flatt over and over and over! There is a reason for everything and I know this to be true.
http://apt.rcpsych.org/content/15/3/221
http://www.hearthsidehealing.com/holistic-approach-to-psychosis/
Because there are no other options in the area, I wrote to Dr. Phil. Please give me an option Dr.Phil...Ok so I believe that psychosis is enlightenment and that I've seen past lives I have had. I also believe my psychosis is about something far greater than what I see as tangible in the present. I know God's got me, and I have been patient, but the oppostional forces in my life do make me believe that spiritually I play in the Big Leagues. I do not know how to even express the magnitude of things I have seen and heard in psychosis. I am an interesting creature for sure!
Day Seven: Its been a week since I bought any cigarettes! Yes I bum a couple at meetings, but the vape is somewhat working. In Flatt I have been sleeping alot I think my brain is healing...I've had double vision past two days and the tardive dysknesia in my face is still there. Have not hallucinated today and I applied for housekeeping at a hotel. Well I am hearing a disturbance going in another realm, but I cannot make out what they are saying and I am trying not to listen. I think this is just something I have to work through and know that I hear sometimes...and not be afraid because it is not without meaning. I think that when you stop a psychosis with psychotropics it is blocking the healing and it is associated with trauma. I think being with Adam healed alot of the trauma or at least it gave me a shattered ego like a big open can of worms lol. That had to be dealt with. well legally geez! But I had never had much counsel on my can of worms and facing it all head on was what made me grow.
I am not the same person. Way deeper for sure lol! Confused as fuk though honestly! And on a wheel of repeat. The 17th was my program birthday date for 3 years. I have five years going at this hard and its been almost 5 years since I texted Adam in psychosis. He had five years sober when I when we dated.
That it is a linear story line separated by sometimes five years of health at a time just makes me know its something worth working out in my soul and not masking. One article said people that are self aware and mature about how they deal with interferences can heal, and since I think it is spiritual and not a chemical, I have stopped being scared when I see things.
I heard an old favorite of mine today which was more meaningful to me than ever before...Amy Lee of Evanescence...I think that this song is what happened to me in 2013. And I put a couple of articles below about healing from psychosis. I want to finish my book and then STOP channeling my love for Adam. I am off paper in February and then I can go live elsewhere...I think I would like to rebuild my identity and reputation and go to school again...i thought about it and I don't think Billings is gonna ever give me that chance. IDK but I am always cooking up some ideas and never give up even though I get my ass kicked in Flatt over and over and over! There is a reason for everything and I know this to be true.
http://apt.rcpsych.org/content/15/3/221
http://www.hearthsidehealing.com/holistic-approach-to-psychosis/
Comments