GPS "Systems"

Funny thing is...we all know each other somehow in a very real eye to eye way.  Its just a matter of what side of the table it is you sit on.  I knew a Ginger-haired man with a Ginger haired lady...and two itty bitty Ginger-haired children.  So they could have been the Jones'...he could have been this way or that way, cause they were all pretty beautiful looking.  But the Ginger haired man is dead.  And so the story goes like this. I came...I believed...I tried...I failed...I died.  And to hear "some have to die so others can live?" Well why are we so gene rationally cursed in the first place?  Why had his life been made so hard?  Would he, could he or wouldn't have he chosen different if he had been allowed some room to move forward in his growth?  Something about American Dreams comes to mind...something makes me think he once was a child too, and where were his opportunities now?  Now that he had messed up so bad?  No that he had two beautiful children?  And a criminal record...with not many chances of excelling past his reputation.  Pretty much all teenagers try drugs and alcohol...who will live to be an addict?  Your guess was as good as my mom's.

I know because I was really bad really backwards I guess. I have good morals I am honest, I was raised right and I still have done stupid shit here and there. I got to be 15 again when I was 33 or so...I guess I got a felony stalking charge because my hormones raged and I had an obsession for someone specific when there were a hundred other cats interested in me.  And  then?  Well I was psychotic and never in the way I had been before...it was a new way to me.  And in my altered state for a month I was told that the man was my soul mate and I believed it.  And I texted seven times and became a felon. BUT I already had earned my American Dream.  I had already worked in the medical field and in government and had a plethora of great references around the city...and one by one as different doors would slam  in my face...other ones would open...."lower" ones.  And I say that with the purest form of gratitude because as the doors slammed hurt so much, the love poured in at the same time, and I will never forget that or take it for granted!

I want to make a point that classification is something that isn't always felt or known to the person.  Some do not know any different.  Until you can really "feel" it happening over and over and over...until I internalized it so deeply that I was no longer "us" I was "them."  And I became resentful.  I even felt this from churches...and I was raised a Christian. Being judgmental was something that was stripped from me...and I so I am not naive to it, as I was when I was in it.  And I don't judge them...they live in worlds of status.  A fake world I am glad to not live in anymore.

Who do I see across from me at this table?   When I met this friend she was putting a $400 a month GPS around my ankle to keep me from going into Adam's neighborhood. I cussed at the cost and the man next to her, and he said "do you want to be a felon?"  Cause we only pay for "felon's" GPS Systems. "Ok...no" I was still awaiting all my bullshit after having two misdemeanors for two texts after a restraining order. I did become a felon for five texts and a photo...and yes I paid the $400 per month for an entire year.  I once said like "WTF? Are you kidding me?"  I was told "no one is allowed talk like that around here." And I did not ever say the F' word in that office again.  I was getting taught some "respect" for a system that is so broken, it makes my eyes bleed with curiosity. How the masses raised up in it deal with it like its kind a "job" to be systematized??? Like I have two sons...will it be their role to play?  It makes me look deeper into the pain in my own broken dreams and say "was that me?" "how does this happen?"  and "why."  Is it our poverty systems that we get lied to about?  The American Dream?  Is it what is forced upon on by these systems.  IT IS THE STRUGGLE...it is tears and fights with my own children about my status...and who I am and why I can't afford things.

And it was me asking my parents why we couldn't afford things. And me feeling determined to not be poor!  Well if I cant make it with seven years of college as a felon, then why is my coffee mate today who wanted me to help her with her Doctorate dissertation talking about a Prison GED proposal?... And why more GED education should be in prisons and then studying the vocational outcomes? I am like if it mattered about education why the hell can't they take online college?  Why can't they be doctors by the time they come out?  Well because they are bad people???  FOREVER!!!  Just kill em and send them to hell then...anyway!  But wait...they bring in money for spending of "the peoples" money!  DUOH!  THOSE LOSERS costing tax payer money???  Weird is right.  Some yes...need to stay in...but they serve their sentences into another sentence...and I write alot of sentences...so...anyway that's my drift.

Stupid waste of our human population...our freakin economic manpower....our very own moral as a country!...leading to apocalyptic meltdown take over by the Upper class.  Real upper class...like 1 percent of the US population owning or destroying all us "cursed people!!!"  Anyway thought maybe people would be more than happy to pee in cups for a few years if it actually meant anything but a pat on the back and coin (btw these coins won't buy shit in apocolypse)?  Just guessing here?  But I am freakin lunatic anyhow and no one should pay any mind to me...I clean houses.  Yep thats what I gotta do here in my Magic City!


So didn't see any grants yet that would support my idea.  My friend said today to have two separate blogs a "professional" and "personal." Fuk right?  I am straight out the bag telling you I get down on some insane crazy shit, and what that is like for me....then right back at just being all regular talking about the "crazy" ideas I get from visiting other planes of reality!  I'm gonna stop there...

nope ...yep a rant again!  I was gonna do like a professional looking proposal and it was and EMOTIVE RANT....oh well shit happens like peeing in cups for two years and not even getting the amount of days you peed counted towards a double felony sentence for texting...

22 months of "at your service" in a treatment court if you don't graduate equals 6 months served off your 5 year felony sentence? I may be mental and a I may be slow at math???  BUT yeah...no one will help my business that will help hundreds+...by making an example out of why the hell we need to change!

And my idea for criminality and incarcerated bad boys and girls?  Five years monitiored recovery post release...coupled with peer mentoring and vocational opportunities....hell maybe they could be done with college before they are out of prison? Is this back wars?  I just don't want this legacy past on to my kids.  And I am like who the fuk would, right??? We all be proven sobriety and told it is the best way? And for who?  For money to be made on systems that is why?  Not because its the Land of Opportunity any more!

Dreams can come back!  Let me tell you I got sober and I am all about wanting to be a doctor again...I never really care what kind of doctor much...just the esteem people! "The Quan." The I can pass most any kind of test and I am a dilligent-freaky-gifted-memory student!  Maybe sociologist, lol.  Or a "writing" DOKTOR! MWWWAHHAHAHAH!  I just want a damn certificate that says "I may be mentally ill, but I could do your job too!"  Is that sick and wrong?  Well I am one disabled felon at your service America! And I do not qualify for Voc Rehab...monitor my urine and breath for five years and let me prove it! I don't care I wanna be somebody when I grow up!!!


Make a Wish Foundation call me I am a little girl from the 80's!






BYE FROM THE BLACK HOUSE! See me never on CNN..

 lol.













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