Dang not only did that Abilify mess up my facial muscles it was seriously messing with my clarity. I have one day free of that med and I have had a full day without a nap...I've gotten all my bills organized and folded laundry that had been sitting there for weeks. I feel clear in one day! I feel positive and not angry at the world! And I can breathe and I have no anxiety...was out in public...got something set up that I have been wanting for seven years...AND I am not mad at the world! Phew!!!
WOW this feels good. I was in such confusion and maybe thats just part of coming out of the psychosis process? To think that something that is supposed to help you actually makes it worse? Possibly sending me into some sort of oppositional frenzy, until I was willing to die to prove a point MANY people could prove. Hmmmm. I was getting pretty political, and maybe I am political and passionate, but that shit was raising my blood pressure for sure...I can actually feel a release in my temples that has been there for over a month. I was so frustrated in confusion and I needed today so bad!
For sure that is crazy shit! Pretty sure I still believe every word I said about lack of services and fukt systems and such, and will continue to be passionate, but angry and hatin on the world is not my style. Probably would have shaved my head in Sinead O'Rebellion if I seriously hadn't of popped out of that in one day OMG??? But glad my hair is still on! Dang for real...I am also glad I lived through that...way fricken worse than a happy psychosis, way worse.
Is this deliverance? Or are my happy chemicals that were being suppressed flooding my brain in such a manner that I will be in heaven by the weekend? No I don't feel manic...I feel sane! IN this moment I don't feel like taking on the world, and at the same time know I am valuable whether I get money or not...tomorrow or never, I guess. It will be what it will be, and I know I matter...especially to my kids.
There is a little fear here...just of spreading my wings and all the things that could go wrong. I wrote an advance psychiatric directive plan for that...just in case shit goes bad. I am not going into it just that I am asking to not be taken to the hospital ever again.
Wow ya all...I just wanna be me. And that shit is shit. Drugs are so powerful...we should all be more cautious with the Machine's power.
Glad to be chill and breathing easy tonight! Loveyasall.
WOW this feels good. I was in such confusion and maybe thats just part of coming out of the psychosis process? To think that something that is supposed to help you actually makes it worse? Possibly sending me into some sort of oppositional frenzy, until I was willing to die to prove a point MANY people could prove. Hmmmm. I was getting pretty political, and maybe I am political and passionate, but that shit was raising my blood pressure for sure...I can actually feel a release in my temples that has been there for over a month. I was so frustrated in confusion and I needed today so bad!
For sure that is crazy shit! Pretty sure I still believe every word I said about lack of services and fukt systems and such, and will continue to be passionate, but angry and hatin on the world is not my style. Probably would have shaved my head in Sinead O'Rebellion if I seriously hadn't of popped out of that in one day OMG??? But glad my hair is still on! Dang for real...I am also glad I lived through that...way fricken worse than a happy psychosis, way worse.
Is this deliverance? Or are my happy chemicals that were being suppressed flooding my brain in such a manner that I will be in heaven by the weekend? No I don't feel manic...I feel sane! IN this moment I don't feel like taking on the world, and at the same time know I am valuable whether I get money or not...tomorrow or never, I guess. It will be what it will be, and I know I matter...especially to my kids.
There is a little fear here...just of spreading my wings and all the things that could go wrong. I wrote an advance psychiatric directive plan for that...just in case shit goes bad. I am not going into it just that I am asking to not be taken to the hospital ever again.
Wow ya all...I just wanna be me. And that shit is shit. Drugs are so powerful...we should all be more cautious with the Machine's power.
Glad to be chill and breathing easy tonight! Loveyasall.
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