So Nancy has mentioned that my life is similar to Job's in the bible, a true test of faith. My lip is twitching and my vision is changing....to where my prescription I have had for 28 years has changed.
And I literally feel brain damaged past couple days. And my skin in my mouth is peeling. Oh and my mouth is smacking, yuck I need true loves kiss because I feel like I have been doing meth for years and just now sensing it may be bad for me physically (duoh). I am guessing that it is a withdrawal symptom also, but I can't remember dates or if I have appointments...and I used to be able to keep track of all that. My mind is so used to being on that type of med, it needs to rewire.
I am having nightmares that give me a headache and waking up delirious from the trauma of my dreams. This morning I had to tell myself the date to separate myself from what was happening in my dreams, those moments between sleep and awake. Dreams have been scary on meds for like 20 years...so I am used to this, but not the half way awake in the nightmare. It makes me believe it is real for my life and gives me a heavy headache like my brain is under construction. And I guess if a brain was dependent on anything for that long there is going to be some differences.
So...there I was in a 10 meeting and trippin a little. Chairs were levitating, a magazine picture was moving...then I looked down at my hair and could see it growing, little snakes of hair strands moving towards each other and the biting off the split ends and changing the hair color of that strand. like a weaving pattern, and I also see DNA in this hallucination. I've seen how this is done this before so I just enjoyed watching my hair grow. So I think it grew about 2 inches....with a beautiful wave to it. I get home and I look at it in the mirror and think "Now I can do that mermaid shot." With long hair covering my breastasis. And I would look at it in the mirror and see it longer... And in the morning...no growth. Darn if it wasn't so real to watch!
Anyway it wasn't a hard trip...I did not see the electric snakes like I did at the lake. Although I am scared of snakes...I bit the heads off a two headed snake, in the Garden...and they didn't scare me that day. So seeing my hair growing,,, This is something process able. I can be like yes I saw, that and acknowledge that I am hallucinating and then breathe and focus on something else. And this morning once I got some coffee in me I feel just fine. I don't necessarily like feeling disconnected from my brain waves and being Dumb and Dumber...both. You know like peeing on my friend for warmth on a freezing motorcycle ride...kind of stuff. But I am just going to believe that God wouldn't leave me that way and I did stop the anti psychotic because shit was happening on it all the time anyway. I guess I am just wanting to be brave after 20 years of playing the damn game.
WE shall see how it goes. Nothing like playing and rush and roulette! It's either gonna be a miracle of a lifetime, or I am gonna be a catatonic vegetable in Hell. There could be some shades of grey in all this, but I am simply Black and White...and I want to try something different.
As far as the kittens go...they love me already! Selah is watching me type right now on my lap! They are both super cuddly their middle names are East And West. So Selah West and Elphaba East. I looked up Selah which I knew was in the bible...but even though it is the bible 74 times,it has no definetive meaning, but one guess is that it means "Amen." Another one is "forever" so that;s cool. Of course SheRah is being territorial too, SheRah no likey! So we will see if how this works out....they're six weeks old and it went by so fast that I wasn't expecting the call to come get (one). And I still need to get permission from my landlord. I like them and want them...every good witch needs a black cat or two!
They do not know how to pose for selfies yet, but they are potty trained. I guess I just need more life in my apartment...haha Selah kind of sauntered back to my lap with the swagger of a black panther lol. I think will be so good for me to have them...ah cute now they are batting around my seashell necklace attempting to call the spiritual realm, lol. Selah West has a white beard...Elphaba East has some shades of grey (maybe white) hair that stick up longer than the rest of her black hair all over.... Black and white!
And I literally feel brain damaged past couple days. And my skin in my mouth is peeling. Oh and my mouth is smacking, yuck I need true loves kiss because I feel like I have been doing meth for years and just now sensing it may be bad for me physically (duoh). I am guessing that it is a withdrawal symptom also, but I can't remember dates or if I have appointments...and I used to be able to keep track of all that. My mind is so used to being on that type of med, it needs to rewire.
I am having nightmares that give me a headache and waking up delirious from the trauma of my dreams. This morning I had to tell myself the date to separate myself from what was happening in my dreams, those moments between sleep and awake. Dreams have been scary on meds for like 20 years...so I am used to this, but not the half way awake in the nightmare. It makes me believe it is real for my life and gives me a heavy headache like my brain is under construction. And I guess if a brain was dependent on anything for that long there is going to be some differences.
So...there I was in a 10 meeting and trippin a little. Chairs were levitating, a magazine picture was moving...then I looked down at my hair and could see it growing, little snakes of hair strands moving towards each other and the biting off the split ends and changing the hair color of that strand. like a weaving pattern, and I also see DNA in this hallucination. I've seen how this is done this before so I just enjoyed watching my hair grow. So I think it grew about 2 inches....with a beautiful wave to it. I get home and I look at it in the mirror and think "Now I can do that mermaid shot." With long hair covering my breastasis. And I would look at it in the mirror and see it longer... And in the morning...no growth. Darn if it wasn't so real to watch!
Anyway it wasn't a hard trip...I did not see the electric snakes like I did at the lake. Although I am scared of snakes...I bit the heads off a two headed snake, in the Garden...and they didn't scare me that day. So seeing my hair growing,,, This is something process able. I can be like yes I saw, that and acknowledge that I am hallucinating and then breathe and focus on something else. And this morning once I got some coffee in me I feel just fine. I don't necessarily like feeling disconnected from my brain waves and being Dumb and Dumber...both. You know like peeing on my friend for warmth on a freezing motorcycle ride...kind of stuff. But I am just going to believe that God wouldn't leave me that way and I did stop the anti psychotic because shit was happening on it all the time anyway. I guess I am just wanting to be brave after 20 years of playing the damn game.
WE shall see how it goes. Nothing like playing and rush and roulette! It's either gonna be a miracle of a lifetime, or I am gonna be a catatonic vegetable in Hell. There could be some shades of grey in all this, but I am simply Black and White...and I want to try something different.
As far as the kittens go...they love me already! Selah is watching me type right now on my lap! They are both super cuddly their middle names are East And West. So Selah West and Elphaba East. I looked up Selah which I knew was in the bible...but even though it is the bible 74 times,it has no definetive meaning, but one guess is that it means "Amen." Another one is "forever" so that;s cool. Of course SheRah is being territorial too, SheRah no likey! So we will see if how this works out....they're six weeks old and it went by so fast that I wasn't expecting the call to come get (one). And I still need to get permission from my landlord. I like them and want them...every good witch needs a black cat or two!
They do not know how to pose for selfies yet, but they are potty trained. I guess I just need more life in my apartment...haha Selah kind of sauntered back to my lap with the swagger of a black panther lol. I think will be so good for me to have them...ah cute now they are batting around my seashell necklace attempting to call the spiritual realm, lol. Selah West has a white beard...Elphaba East has some shades of grey (maybe white) hair that stick up longer than the rest of her black hair all over.... Black and white!
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