So at a crossroads...yes I keep having them. I am in Flatt...and I am flatt broke. Concord eludes me and people of Flatt just put me in the psychward, when I think I am jet setting off to a tropical island with a dead man? And well here it is. Them literary agents aren't knocking down my door...and I have not been "discovered" by adding 3000 men on FB. Seriously WTF, my stats are way lower than before I made these friends, so guess their agendas have shit to do with wanting to know about my life! Go Figure. And the magazine months later is like "I will let you know if you made the final cut..." when all along he's been a "yes, yes, yes" man. So no guarantees stop getting your hopes up and please stop posting shit to FB that hasn't happened YET. Please Miranda, please!!!
So I am taking some steps in Flatt. Not really being tentative either with three weeks of sanity, lol. Go get em Tiger...seriously! Sick of being poor. Sick of mooching. Sick of that I made a panhandling sign real pretty...and then my chest pounded with anxiety in a way that a cigarette just enhanced! Like seriously was like I gotta do this to have money to see my kids (without supervision now!) I need gas! I need my fukn pacifiers that asphyxiate me, but I can't get enough of that! They need candy and pop and McDonalds...and the Trampoline Park cause school starts Thursday! I need to be fun! I was so pumping myself up to go to a busy street downtown. And my chest told me "too scared, scaredy cat!" "Wimp" and so on. So I went to the meeting and told of my whoa! Woe is me...I should just tattoo "HELP ME" on my forehead! Embarrassing! Degradation has been my companion these years of "spiritual warfare." That's in Flatt and I know that I am not those things in ConCord. So I got $20 bucks thrown at me while I was talking? Um. Ouch I hate it...painful to me...must apply Neosporin, and a big band aid to my EGO boo boo. But I am thinking that was what I was afraid of with panhandling? Me thinking what other people are thinking about me standing there with a sign...and that fear is about my EGO. I had my blog address on my sign...I should just do it! See how it goes and treat is like a social experiment!
So suckafishes...guess what? Today started with an 11 AM meeting with the Director of Downtown Billings. I was on the Mayor's Committee with her, she says ten years ago...well it was eight. So much has changed about me and my circumstances since then. It started out me trying to be professional and sell her my business idea. I have come to the conclusion that a lawsuit is the wrong way to go about funding it. I have also added to the concept the idea of having a sober venue in the same location, that would have events and activities that are only in the bars (Comedy!)...plus art nights, movie nights, pool tables, live music. Cause shit be real boring for people on probation...they need a space! So as I was talking I really loosened up and let it all out about me and about what I stand for, and how its all been going down as of recent. She was cool. She is going to read my revised concept and point me in the right direction for possible partnerships! AND I got her to donate the The Out Of The Darkness Walk (Suicide Prevention)...BTW, The walk is September 17th, which was my sobriety date for almost 4 years! Walk with me in honor of Jake Black! Message me on FB if you would like to donate to the silent auction or walk!
Ok then...suckafishes...this happened. I had seen NAMI was hiring for a part time assistant. Fifteen dollars and hour and hours M-F 10 -2. Um can you say perfect job for me? Perfect hours. I can still write in the morning and get my book done because I get up anywhere from 4 to 7 naturally. Also you can keep disability if your wages are under $1000...they do this as incentive to try working! So I had an interview scheduled today...and I really thought that with my app the felony issue was gonna be like every freakin other job I have applied to. Do you have a felony? YES. And why? (Texting Stalker...I can't control my urges to have sex with him again. I want to wear his skin like a blankee and feel him all over me. It wasn't alot of texts really...he was just good, made my sober belly tickle with joy, and then made me heavenly psychotic and became my soul mate, but I was in the hospital and I have "bipolar" when I texted after a restraining order for texting...but I am better now. I only went to jail five times for this and a a treatment court and I still love him because our souls did kiss in a big way, but let's not focus on all I just said, let's focus on my life prior to 34 ok? DUDE..) Maybe I should just do comedy, lol. Such a freakin situation! No I have never gone into that much detail about why I was a stalker in an interview lol...jus playin.
And also I heard they had a ton of applicants for the position. I was pretty like "its never gonna happen." But I tried anyhow! I wrote a sincere letter slash resume of the truth of what has gone on in my life in my seven years of tribulation. I also shared my affiliations and references that have definently changes since I worked for the City. So today I get there...the guy says...you don't have to interview today...you've made it into the final four, come back tomorrow at three to interview with Board members! Holy balls batman! The winds are in my favor and the sea is ebbing in a beautiful direction...
So if you have been following my journey...you will know that I have attempted to change my stars either back to how they used to be...or utilize this mess of a mind for some purpose greater. This job would mean the world to me! And doubling my money? Well??? Amazing. Amazing. Yes please. But that's tomorrow. Don't get too excited! And well I am so tired of instability in general...that I just really hope my whole dang recovery story impresses them. If I get the job I will probably freeze my blog...it would be too tempting to talk about work situations and thats certainly a conflict of interest...plus virtually I am sane again, as if I were two people! And I gotta ride out this "sane season." LOL. Alot of insanity....I am in a rough spot cause insane is much more beautiful! But super hard on my family and friends...and the police squadrons...and the psych techs. So me liking it? Yeah better just stay on this Abilify medical manufactured normalizing...job getting pills.
I was thinking that maybe my blog is too outlandish for even an association that deals with mental illness. That they would want a more professional composure. I have that! I do. I just wonder if my far out, totally tubular ideas and thoughts could also ruin my chances? I am a little outspoken...just a little. But mostly on here. And mostly tame in the rest of my world...but it also depends which world I happen to be in!
So I maybe just take up the violin again? Fiddle and do comedy? Put on a snake hair wig...striptease. Talk about this crazy life? Crazy dudes that live in Ghost Houses? Mysteries in the night and drinking poisonous display fountain water, after meeting a dwarf? Hmmm IDK...my life is pretty freaking amazing and I am famous in my own mind, enough that it suits me.
God Bless Freedom of Speech...Goodnight!
So I am taking some steps in Flatt. Not really being tentative either with three weeks of sanity, lol. Go get em Tiger...seriously! Sick of being poor. Sick of mooching. Sick of that I made a panhandling sign real pretty...and then my chest pounded with anxiety in a way that a cigarette just enhanced! Like seriously was like I gotta do this to have money to see my kids (without supervision now!) I need gas! I need my fukn pacifiers that asphyxiate me, but I can't get enough of that! They need candy and pop and McDonalds...and the Trampoline Park cause school starts Thursday! I need to be fun! I was so pumping myself up to go to a busy street downtown. And my chest told me "too scared, scaredy cat!" "Wimp" and so on. So I went to the meeting and told of my whoa! Woe is me...I should just tattoo "HELP ME" on my forehead! Embarrassing! Degradation has been my companion these years of "spiritual warfare." That's in Flatt and I know that I am not those things in ConCord. So I got $20 bucks thrown at me while I was talking? Um. Ouch I hate it...painful to me...must apply Neosporin, and a big band aid to my EGO boo boo. But I am thinking that was what I was afraid of with panhandling? Me thinking what other people are thinking about me standing there with a sign...and that fear is about my EGO. I had my blog address on my sign...I should just do it! See how it goes and treat is like a social experiment!
So suckafishes...guess what? Today started with an 11 AM meeting with the Director of Downtown Billings. I was on the Mayor's Committee with her, she says ten years ago...well it was eight. So much has changed about me and my circumstances since then. It started out me trying to be professional and sell her my business idea. I have come to the conclusion that a lawsuit is the wrong way to go about funding it. I have also added to the concept the idea of having a sober venue in the same location, that would have events and activities that are only in the bars (Comedy!)...plus art nights, movie nights, pool tables, live music. Cause shit be real boring for people on probation...they need a space! So as I was talking I really loosened up and let it all out about me and about what I stand for, and how its all been going down as of recent. She was cool. She is going to read my revised concept and point me in the right direction for possible partnerships! AND I got her to donate the The Out Of The Darkness Walk (Suicide Prevention)...BTW, The walk is September 17th, which was my sobriety date for almost 4 years! Walk with me in honor of Jake Black! Message me on FB if you would like to donate to the silent auction or walk!
Ok then...suckafishes...this happened. I had seen NAMI was hiring for a part time assistant. Fifteen dollars and hour and hours M-F 10 -2. Um can you say perfect job for me? Perfect hours. I can still write in the morning and get my book done because I get up anywhere from 4 to 7 naturally. Also you can keep disability if your wages are under $1000...they do this as incentive to try working! So I had an interview scheduled today...and I really thought that with my app the felony issue was gonna be like every freakin other job I have applied to. Do you have a felony? YES. And why? (Texting Stalker...I can't control my urges to have sex with him again. I want to wear his skin like a blankee and feel him all over me. It wasn't alot of texts really...he was just good, made my sober belly tickle with joy, and then made me heavenly psychotic and became my soul mate, but I was in the hospital and I have "bipolar" when I texted after a restraining order for texting...but I am better now. I only went to jail five times for this and a a treatment court and I still love him because our souls did kiss in a big way, but let's not focus on all I just said, let's focus on my life prior to 34 ok? DUDE..) Maybe I should just do comedy, lol. Such a freakin situation! No I have never gone into that much detail about why I was a stalker in an interview lol...jus playin.
And also I heard they had a ton of applicants for the position. I was pretty like "its never gonna happen." But I tried anyhow! I wrote a sincere letter slash resume of the truth of what has gone on in my life in my seven years of tribulation. I also shared my affiliations and references that have definently changes since I worked for the City. So today I get there...the guy says...you don't have to interview today...you've made it into the final four, come back tomorrow at three to interview with Board members! Holy balls batman! The winds are in my favor and the sea is ebbing in a beautiful direction...
So if you have been following my journey...you will know that I have attempted to change my stars either back to how they used to be...or utilize this mess of a mind for some purpose greater. This job would mean the world to me! And doubling my money? Well??? Amazing. Amazing. Yes please. But that's tomorrow. Don't get too excited! And well I am so tired of instability in general...that I just really hope my whole dang recovery story impresses them. If I get the job I will probably freeze my blog...it would be too tempting to talk about work situations and thats certainly a conflict of interest...plus virtually I am sane again, as if I were two people! And I gotta ride out this "sane season." LOL. Alot of insanity....I am in a rough spot cause insane is much more beautiful! But super hard on my family and friends...and the police squadrons...and the psych techs. So me liking it? Yeah better just stay on this Abilify medical manufactured normalizing...job getting pills.
I was thinking that maybe my blog is too outlandish for even an association that deals with mental illness. That they would want a more professional composure. I have that! I do. I just wonder if my far out, totally tubular ideas and thoughts could also ruin my chances? I am a little outspoken...just a little. But mostly on here. And mostly tame in the rest of my world...but it also depends which world I happen to be in!
So I maybe just take up the violin again? Fiddle and do comedy? Put on a snake hair wig...striptease. Talk about this crazy life? Crazy dudes that live in Ghost Houses? Mysteries in the night and drinking poisonous display fountain water, after meeting a dwarf? Hmmm IDK...my life is pretty freaking amazing and I am famous in my own mind, enough that it suits me.
God Bless Freedom of Speech...Goodnight!
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