Cool.. I got to do something different tonight! Nickelback in concert. I answered a FB friend type persons message that they had a ticket for someone to go. Yes scary and brave of me..maybe naive, but I drove. We talked a half hour before the concert on the phone and he assured me that he was a gentleman and I assured him that I was'nt available. He was drinking before the concert and was a close talker and the smell about gagged me and the close talking infringed on my personal bubble. I would shirk away and he would come closer. HMMMMM? I also told him about my psychosis hoping to make him not be into me...I just wanted to go to the concert!
He grabbed my hand in the parking lot and said something "cheesy" like if this is the last time we hold hands tonight I am ok with that. He really was trying to be nice but that there made me uncomfortable!
I am sure that there are many people that touch you while they talk... But that is a "no go" with me unless I've really known the person and trust them. I get sent through the roof if someone I don't know puts there hands on me anywhere...and its weird and I will call people on it and just say that I do not like to be touched AT ALL. Its something that developed in early sobriety. It has gotten better I used to refrain from hugging even. I can now cause I've been healed alot. But I just find it intrusive to my space with someone I just met.
So we get in and he pulls me aside and says I am gonna have to hold your hand to get you through the crowd. Um no. No. I am a big girl...and it wasn't that crowded lol. I ended up leading him! Ha!
So the first set was uncomfortable...he was leaning into me close talking, I am practically out of my chair and he keeps touching my arm while talking. I say "hey let's go smoke." I say I remember what it was like to have no inhibitions with someone you just met...thats what alcohol does to you. And I looked him square in the eye and was a little more serious that he should not put his hands on me while we are talking and that I am not interested in anyone..(just my book characters.) The guy was nice enough and didn't drink anymore at the concert. I just think wow...I am so much different that my body and instincts are aware that I just don't think that is good boundaries when you first meet someone!
Then Nickelback is on...So Far Away. I get grooving, swinging my hips feeling it...got my hand in the air and he says "quick" switch me places. So um ok out of my mojo of my fave Nickelback song...dammit. And he gets down on his knees and angles that camera at me. Of course bright light shining on me. I can't hear what he is saying but thought he wanted to do a video of me dancing, because he is down on his knees pointing his camera at me for a eternity. Um NO AGAIN. Awkward! That was embarrassing and I just stood there are smiled...no dancing, Later he just told me he was trying to get a pic...but it happened to ruin my groove on a very beautiful song. And I don't get embaressed much anymore because I have been through too much...but that made my cheeks flush and made me mad. I thought in that moment wouldn't be nice to be with a man that would know that would embaress me? You know...know my quirks and what buttons not to push? So I did finish that song without a camera in multiple face. I don't know how I believe in love so much like that but I do!
A few songs later, I went out and smoked and never went back to the seat. I texted him to come find me on the balcony platform. I had clausterphobia and a headache....bummer drag it was almost over and we agreed to beat the traffic. Couldnt find my car for a minute...ah shit there was my luck again my its all good.
Moral of the story. I am stupid....even if it was a free ticket, it was uncomfortable and very much reminded me that I do not like being touched by strangers! It immediately agitates me....I've done this to other people too...so its not a new thing. Its possibly PTSD from drunken shit...or quite maybe I like my bubble and I don't want anyone in. After we smoked after the first set and I was all serious he did get better and respected what I wanted...but the damage was done. And I don't drink my discomfort away any more.
Maybe I am too uptight? Maybe I should just have fought that uncomfortable feeling and enjoyed the show. All I know is my Foo Fighters are here in December and I want to go with someone I comfortable with! I appreciated the opportunity to go to Nickelback and I guess that alcohol used to cover up this boundary sensory for me and so it does make me feel uptight and like "no fun" and I did see alot off drunk women all loose and free and wild. And sloppy. I have been that. I don't like the look!
I must not like Nickelback enough to go through all that. Where is my prince charming? AND my seashell necklace broke. I found the seashell but not the Peter Pan charm (Jakes favorite was Peter Pan) and then we were outside and this drunk lady gave me a necklace lol. And it wasn't because I told her about mine...hers fell off and she was too drunk to put it on! She was older but her hair was just like mine in color....dark underneath, silver, white and blonde. It was dark in the smoking area and so I didn't see until in side that the charm on was tree with deep roots! Thats a thing in my books! And so what Jake's Peter Pan charm said something like "promise me you'll never let me go." fricken lose it....and then randomly gifted a necklace in the smoking area?
What does that mean??? Ha I just freaking lost the charm! The world may never know!
Here's my song that touches my heart!
He grabbed my hand in the parking lot and said something "cheesy" like if this is the last time we hold hands tonight I am ok with that. He really was trying to be nice but that there made me uncomfortable!
I am sure that there are many people that touch you while they talk... But that is a "no go" with me unless I've really known the person and trust them. I get sent through the roof if someone I don't know puts there hands on me anywhere...and its weird and I will call people on it and just say that I do not like to be touched AT ALL. Its something that developed in early sobriety. It has gotten better I used to refrain from hugging even. I can now cause I've been healed alot. But I just find it intrusive to my space with someone I just met.
So we get in and he pulls me aside and says I am gonna have to hold your hand to get you through the crowd. Um no. No. I am a big girl...and it wasn't that crowded lol. I ended up leading him! Ha!
So the first set was uncomfortable...he was leaning into me close talking, I am practically out of my chair and he keeps touching my arm while talking. I say "hey let's go smoke." I say I remember what it was like to have no inhibitions with someone you just met...thats what alcohol does to you. And I looked him square in the eye and was a little more serious that he should not put his hands on me while we are talking and that I am not interested in anyone..(just my book characters.) The guy was nice enough and didn't drink anymore at the concert. I just think wow...I am so much different that my body and instincts are aware that I just don't think that is good boundaries when you first meet someone!
Then Nickelback is on...So Far Away. I get grooving, swinging my hips feeling it...got my hand in the air and he says "quick" switch me places. So um ok out of my mojo of my fave Nickelback song...dammit. And he gets down on his knees and angles that camera at me. Of course bright light shining on me. I can't hear what he is saying but thought he wanted to do a video of me dancing, because he is down on his knees pointing his camera at me for a eternity. Um NO AGAIN. Awkward! That was embarrassing and I just stood there are smiled...no dancing, Later he just told me he was trying to get a pic...but it happened to ruin my groove on a very beautiful song. And I don't get embaressed much anymore because I have been through too much...but that made my cheeks flush and made me mad. I thought in that moment wouldn't be nice to be with a man that would know that would embaress me? You know...know my quirks and what buttons not to push? So I did finish that song without a camera in multiple face. I don't know how I believe in love so much like that but I do!
A few songs later, I went out and smoked and never went back to the seat. I texted him to come find me on the balcony platform. I had clausterphobia and a headache....bummer drag it was almost over and we agreed to beat the traffic. Couldnt find my car for a minute...ah shit there was my luck again my its all good.
Moral of the story. I am stupid....even if it was a free ticket, it was uncomfortable and very much reminded me that I do not like being touched by strangers! It immediately agitates me....I've done this to other people too...so its not a new thing. Its possibly PTSD from drunken shit...or quite maybe I like my bubble and I don't want anyone in. After we smoked after the first set and I was all serious he did get better and respected what I wanted...but the damage was done. And I don't drink my discomfort away any more.
Maybe I am too uptight? Maybe I should just have fought that uncomfortable feeling and enjoyed the show. All I know is my Foo Fighters are here in December and I want to go with someone I comfortable with! I appreciated the opportunity to go to Nickelback and I guess that alcohol used to cover up this boundary sensory for me and so it does make me feel uptight and like "no fun" and I did see alot off drunk women all loose and free and wild. And sloppy. I have been that. I don't like the look!
I must not like Nickelback enough to go through all that. Where is my prince charming? AND my seashell necklace broke. I found the seashell but not the Peter Pan charm (Jakes favorite was Peter Pan) and then we were outside and this drunk lady gave me a necklace lol. And it wasn't because I told her about mine...hers fell off and she was too drunk to put it on! She was older but her hair was just like mine in color....dark underneath, silver, white and blonde. It was dark in the smoking area and so I didn't see until in side that the charm on was tree with deep roots! Thats a thing in my books! And so what Jake's Peter Pan charm said something like "promise me you'll never let me go." fricken lose it....and then randomly gifted a necklace in the smoking area?
What does that mean??? Ha I just freaking lost the charm! The world may never know!
Here's my song that touches my heart!
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