Am I victory?
Just cause I won't die?
Am I a solid interest story?
Because this is all beyond me too painful!
The cacoon is damp and cold and weary.
And the butterfly is psycho with the transition.
Far away I was...far away beautiful.
And then I flash back to Flatt...and I know I cannot have anyone to hold me here.
And it brings me great pain to think to be alone and possibly on and off insane forever.
And when will what I believe...be real?
If I can't have that?
Someone tangible then?
Is that an option?
No! I am too much. Can't expect. Can't involve. Can't go there.
Must not entice or decieve...or play with a heart...
Must not expect. Must not set myself up for pain.
Must be mature...must accept who I have become.
Must accept my far away beautiful is an issue!
I'm growing old...I am growing up.
That far away beautiful...is away from me.
I am cumbersome to this world.
And a love that can handle me and hold me and keep me?
It is only away in ConCord...
And I know...
I must stop searching in Flatt.
I am too much here.
This is heavy and painful...but my reality in the same.
And fukn sad...scary...and unnerving to know that I am there not here.
And on the edge of a precipice so deep...I fear I will jump.
I sing this some when it comes on...it's very meaningful to me...like when you are in so much pain...you just have to push it down below..."I can't feel my chest." To come out of a beautiful insanity of Love is to be crushed and you just want to push it down so you can't feel it...and I think I am the toughest bitch ever to not drink right now...because I do just have to feel this loss and know I was insane. Even though I so want to believe it was real! How was it not real? Fuk said Alice!
Just cause I won't die?
Am I a solid interest story?
Because this is all beyond me too painful!
The cacoon is damp and cold and weary.
And the butterfly is psycho with the transition.
Far away I was...far away beautiful.
And then I flash back to Flatt...and I know I cannot have anyone to hold me here.
And it brings me great pain to think to be alone and possibly on and off insane forever.
And when will what I believe...be real?
If I can't have that?
Someone tangible then?
Is that an option?
No! I am too much. Can't expect. Can't involve. Can't go there.
Must not entice or decieve...or play with a heart...
Must not expect. Must not set myself up for pain.
Must be mature...must accept who I have become.
Must accept my far away beautiful is an issue!
I'm growing old...I am growing up.
That far away beautiful...is away from me.
I am cumbersome to this world.
And a love that can handle me and hold me and keep me?
It is only away in ConCord...
And I know...
I must stop searching in Flatt.
I am too much here.
This is heavy and painful...but my reality in the same.
And fukn sad...scary...and unnerving to know that I am there not here.
And on the edge of a precipice so deep...I fear I will jump.
I sing this some when it comes on...it's very meaningful to me...like when you are in so much pain...you just have to push it down below..."I can't feel my chest." To come out of a beautiful insanity of Love is to be crushed and you just want to push it down so you can't feel it...and I think I am the toughest bitch ever to not drink right now...because I do just have to feel this loss and know I was insane. Even though I so want to believe it was real! How was it not real? Fuk said Alice!
Comments