Ok so I am just super upset right now. In the midst of my worst psychotic break ever I had some clear days where I wasn't in Concord...I answered a FB ad for a photo shoot under the stars...it was $50 bucks and I had never done anything like that before. I felt flush having just received a thousand from car insurance...so hey let's do it!
I think it's the neatest thing to have those kind of pictures...I am so happy with them and feel so beautiful...but it caused me hassle...and well I am pissed AF! I know I am hacked. I woke up to a dicpic from someone I had already blocked for that reason? Wtf? Mad AF!
I am in tears because it is so awful to me that they won't stop messaging me and they don't give AF about my blog or that I am psycho or that I don't want to talk. That I don't have the time to talk to fifty dudes a day. And I have not been accepting any more requests and yet some that pop up say I have!
My FB is Ten years old. I have my pictures saved no where else. I did a Go Fund Me for a computer and you would think of thousands of dudes that just can't wait to talk to me one would be a philanthropist? I wish I could charge them to talk to me?
How the fuk do I get paid? Basically since I shoved my friend out of a wheel chair in psychosis (to give him his legs back) it's been getting little jobs here and there ...no stability... disability eaten up by bills. Two impounds... A $200 revoked licence...I was in hospital for a court date for expired tabs by two days, and if I wasn't a felon I would have gotten a warning! Trust me on that! $100 ticket! Stupid AF! Thank God my mom helped me with alot of that! Love you Mom..and I know that you can't always do that! It was alot of money to come out over me hanging out with someone untrustworthy..
But I'm about to stab out my "pretty blue eyes" here, so people "get" that I am disabled! I am like EVERY single thing I plan or try...or do is taken from me. So I write about the things that takes it from me...and I clean for $7.50 an hour? And I fukn hate every minute of it...makes me so damn sad!
And damn crying now. Is it wrong that I think I deserve more from life? Thirty dollars here...goes in the gas tank and buys a pack of cigs...I hate those damn things.
That's my next blog! Something needs to give here!
And people look at me and they don't know! Go work a McDonald's you fat lazy narcissistic bitch! All these dudes must think me needing help buying a computer is a joke! Dude I pawned my laptop!!! For fifty bucks! I was having faith! People just don't get what happens to me and it hurts to be called lazy and things like that...and I say forgive them God...just forgive their ignorance because they have no way of understanding me. Haha unless you read my blog than maybe! Ok! And as far as narcissistic I think I get called that unfairly...if writing was the only thing you could really do consistently and you have tried everything else under the sun...you could prolly end up with alot of introspection. The program does that to you too... constantly thinking how to make yourself a better human.
So people just don't know! And then I get well again and I can do so much and I get my hopes up and believe I can do any thing and then bam six trips to the psychward!
At least I was happy AF in all that...ya know it was just real beautiful to me and fun AF! I don't know what to do. And all those dudes harrassing me...aren't sending money for my dreams to come true or making me famous...or buying me my calcium. Got milk?
Anyway it's almost the first of the month. I am so blessed because I am getting some extra money besides the disability which only goes to bills. I am gonna throw my boys a co-birthday party because I was in the hospital for Mitchell's. He wants cowboy boots...and Evan is getting a cheap Kindle. They fight over electronics so much it makes me sad and mad AF. Lol but I still haven't caved and let them use my replacement phone...member Evan smashed it on a dare from a girl? Well it only took me like four months to replace it ! Anyway my boys go with out so much that I want it to be special to have a fun party...we are going to the KOA! I don't know if we can spend the night yet or just swim and mini golf, but I am excited and blessed that I can be well and do this for my children. I hope the lady at the opa didn't mess anything up and I don't get the extra money!
Mad AF!
No smokes today...just trying to breath....I have failed so much in this area for five years I have wanted to quit...next blog maybe rant poem like! Lol
Update: No extra money!
I think it's the neatest thing to have those kind of pictures...I am so happy with them and feel so beautiful...but it caused me hassle...and well I am pissed AF! I know I am hacked. I woke up to a dicpic from someone I had already blocked for that reason? Wtf? Mad AF!
I am in tears because it is so awful to me that they won't stop messaging me and they don't give AF about my blog or that I am psycho or that I don't want to talk. That I don't have the time to talk to fifty dudes a day. And I have not been accepting any more requests and yet some that pop up say I have!
My FB is Ten years old. I have my pictures saved no where else. I did a Go Fund Me for a computer and you would think of thousands of dudes that just can't wait to talk to me one would be a philanthropist? I wish I could charge them to talk to me?
How the fuk do I get paid? Basically since I shoved my friend out of a wheel chair in psychosis (to give him his legs back) it's been getting little jobs here and there ...no stability... disability eaten up by bills. Two impounds... A $200 revoked licence...I was in hospital for a court date for expired tabs by two days, and if I wasn't a felon I would have gotten a warning! Trust me on that! $100 ticket! Stupid AF! Thank God my mom helped me with alot of that! Love you Mom..and I know that you can't always do that! It was alot of money to come out over me hanging out with someone untrustworthy..
But I'm about to stab out my "pretty blue eyes" here, so people "get" that I am disabled! I am like EVERY single thing I plan or try...or do is taken from me. So I write about the things that takes it from me...and I clean for $7.50 an hour? And I fukn hate every minute of it...makes me so damn sad!
And damn crying now. Is it wrong that I think I deserve more from life? Thirty dollars here...goes in the gas tank and buys a pack of cigs...I hate those damn things.
That's my next blog! Something needs to give here!
And people look at me and they don't know! Go work a McDonald's you fat lazy narcissistic bitch! All these dudes must think me needing help buying a computer is a joke! Dude I pawned my laptop!!! For fifty bucks! I was having faith! People just don't get what happens to me and it hurts to be called lazy and things like that...and I say forgive them God...just forgive their ignorance because they have no way of understanding me. Haha unless you read my blog than maybe! Ok! And as far as narcissistic I think I get called that unfairly...if writing was the only thing you could really do consistently and you have tried everything else under the sun...you could prolly end up with alot of introspection. The program does that to you too... constantly thinking how to make yourself a better human.
So people just don't know! And then I get well again and I can do so much and I get my hopes up and believe I can do any thing and then bam six trips to the psychward!
At least I was happy AF in all that...ya know it was just real beautiful to me and fun AF! I don't know what to do. And all those dudes harrassing me...aren't sending money for my dreams to come true or making me famous...or buying me my calcium. Got milk?
Anyway it's almost the first of the month. I am so blessed because I am getting some extra money besides the disability which only goes to bills. I am gonna throw my boys a co-birthday party because I was in the hospital for Mitchell's. He wants cowboy boots...and Evan is getting a cheap Kindle. They fight over electronics so much it makes me sad and mad AF. Lol but I still haven't caved and let them use my replacement phone...member Evan smashed it on a dare from a girl? Well it only took me like four months to replace it ! Anyway my boys go with out so much that I want it to be special to have a fun party...we are going to the KOA! I don't know if we can spend the night yet or just swim and mini golf, but I am excited and blessed that I can be well and do this for my children. I hope the lady at the opa didn't mess anything up and I don't get the extra money!
Mad AF!
No smokes today...just trying to breath....I have failed so much in this area for five years I have wanted to quit...next blog maybe rant poem like! Lol
Update: No extra money!
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