It's the Fourth of July and I have been people watching today. First at the Laurel Parade and now on the beach of Lake Elmo. I decided to be closer to home for the fireworks and miss tradition. I see all the happy people at the parade and get choked up when I hear the sirens going. I don't know what it was the patriotism or the gratitude but I got a little teary...I guess maybe it's how life is going by so fast and my kids are growing, and I just can't get back my innocence.
I don't know how to talk to my kids about what happens to me. My son asked me if I talked to spirits tonight like Jesus and could I hear him talking back. Cannot explain to my son how I hear the spiritual realm and when I close my eyes in the dark I can see them fluttering around me. Oh and then by the way Jakes spirit made love to me...hmmmm can't tell my kids much about that! So I just keep it light and we do normal shit. Maybe someday I will start talking to them about the things I see and hear...but for now just let them be kids.
I realized today I am no longer jealous of people's simple lives. I used to really be all up in arms how my life wasn't fair...and lately I am just thinking it's pretty neat. It's hard and I feel misunderstood a lot...but I got a story out of the norm! It feels good to have belief in myself because when I was drinking I just did not. Of course I wasn't as "sick" in the same ways when I was drinking.
I just want to be rich for my life story is all I ask...I don't want to struggle so much for money. And maybe Adam for this life, and Jake in heaven. Because I think Adam is my morphed soul mate and I met Jake when I was whole at 12. So I wonder if all this is too much to ask? I've been pretty patient and endured a lot of ridicule for my soul mates theory...Jenn is like if Adam is scared of your booby picture he's prolly not your soul mate. It still all blows me away how the psychosis years apart tell me it is my truth.
My boys love the water they are little fishes just like me. I did something childlike today and it was fun that I could still do it. My niece wants to be a cheerleader like her aunty and I got more than dared to do a cartwheel haha! My sister teased me and said we'd have to call the paramedics. Well ha! I did several that were pretty good for an old lady with a broken body! The first time was scary and I hesitated for sure can't say how long it's been!
My back has been hurting since I helped that paraplegic...totally stiff. I need to start working out again and stretching because my body feels like it's 90 from being run over by a car. I know my 15 goals from my book beginning one of them was to be able to do the splits again and I was just unable to make stretching a priority. Yeah I pulled a muscle in my groin doing cartwheels today...but it actually felt like a really good stretch!
I was doing squats and lunges at Warm Springs every day because I couldn't stand to be on the unit. I just need to get back into it and maybe stop making my life all about meetings.
It's been so long since I have worked full time I don't know how people do it. I stay busy all day...every day and I'm not even sure I know how! I don't even watch tv or read....but I am always doing something. I think that was maybe more about my energy level. I always feel really happy and healthy and that everything is just going well right before I go psychotic. It's tricky that I don't have more signs than that for myself.
So if you ever see me happy, confident with a spotless house for a few months...you can be assured I am off to heaven soon...and unfortuently as past record shows I might not let you stop my vacation plans lol.
Ok I've just been asked to build a sandcastle. Simple life!
I don't know how to talk to my kids about what happens to me. My son asked me if I talked to spirits tonight like Jesus and could I hear him talking back. Cannot explain to my son how I hear the spiritual realm and when I close my eyes in the dark I can see them fluttering around me. Oh and then by the way Jakes spirit made love to me...hmmmm can't tell my kids much about that! So I just keep it light and we do normal shit. Maybe someday I will start talking to them about the things I see and hear...but for now just let them be kids.
I realized today I am no longer jealous of people's simple lives. I used to really be all up in arms how my life wasn't fair...and lately I am just thinking it's pretty neat. It's hard and I feel misunderstood a lot...but I got a story out of the norm! It feels good to have belief in myself because when I was drinking I just did not. Of course I wasn't as "sick" in the same ways when I was drinking.
I just want to be rich for my life story is all I ask...I don't want to struggle so much for money. And maybe Adam for this life, and Jake in heaven. Because I think Adam is my morphed soul mate and I met Jake when I was whole at 12. So I wonder if all this is too much to ask? I've been pretty patient and endured a lot of ridicule for my soul mates theory...Jenn is like if Adam is scared of your booby picture he's prolly not your soul mate. It still all blows me away how the psychosis years apart tell me it is my truth.
My boys love the water they are little fishes just like me. I did something childlike today and it was fun that I could still do it. My niece wants to be a cheerleader like her aunty and I got more than dared to do a cartwheel haha! My sister teased me and said we'd have to call the paramedics. Well ha! I did several that were pretty good for an old lady with a broken body! The first time was scary and I hesitated for sure can't say how long it's been!
My back has been hurting since I helped that paraplegic...totally stiff. I need to start working out again and stretching because my body feels like it's 90 from being run over by a car. I know my 15 goals from my book beginning one of them was to be able to do the splits again and I was just unable to make stretching a priority. Yeah I pulled a muscle in my groin doing cartwheels today...but it actually felt like a really good stretch!
I was doing squats and lunges at Warm Springs every day because I couldn't stand to be on the unit. I just need to get back into it and maybe stop making my life all about meetings.
It's been so long since I have worked full time I don't know how people do it. I stay busy all day...every day and I'm not even sure I know how! I don't even watch tv or read....but I am always doing something. I think that was maybe more about my energy level. I always feel really happy and healthy and that everything is just going well right before I go psychotic. It's tricky that I don't have more signs than that for myself.
So if you ever see me happy, confident with a spotless house for a few months...you can be assured I am off to heaven soon...and unfortuently as past record shows I might not let you stop my vacation plans lol.
Ok I've just been asked to build a sandcastle. Simple life!
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