Well. I drove by the 20 year reunion and my balls shriveled up into little ice cubes. I decided to run home and get the scrapbook pictures I had forgotten...so all the way to Laurel and then back to the heights, grab the pictures...more deodorant...take some aspirin and get some caffeine...go back. I must say I didn't like my reaction to what to expect from my classmates and as I walked up to them my legs felt like jello. I was oh gosh I feel like junior high is coming on! Of all the scary things I go through, this should not be it! First person I see is someone that told me I was like talking to a "brick wall" about ten years ago and we had been friends sophomore year. High school was challenging for me and I started out very popular, but by my senior year I was infamous. Always doing stupid stuff when I would drink. Anyway so this shaky feeling was the reason I drank for nineteen years...but I just plopped down next to her, glad I had brought the pictures.
Sometimes I forget how well I can do in casual social situations...even when I am nervous. I didn't know that for nineteen years...just thought I needed at least two to be social and "ten" to really come alive. But it all went just great. Everyone was nice. The valedictorian took particular interest in me...I would have rivaled that boy had I not been so interested in being popular! Also the gal I had mentioned not wanting to see for a million reasons was very nice and said she had never gotten my amends letter a few years back. That explains why I never heard back! We both said "oh well" and hugged. Yes...and I didn't go into details about whats been going on with me except to say I struggled with bipolar. And I mentioned my book and the upcoming magazine submission.
I think after seeing how people were at Warm Springs that I a super lucky that I can be eloquent and socially pertinent and funny in the right moment and such. I know that most people with mental illness do not get this gift. I said that they weren't my people and I didn't identify, mainly because I couldn't get any to corroborate my beliefs, whatsoever. I do not have a similar story to anyone I have met and its starting to get weird.
I've already trashed the idea of being a model...it just felt good to be told I could do it because I had never tried. And lets just say the dude really talked me up and explained a lot of it to me, on the drive home from the stars. I thought it will come in handy to know I can do that kind of stuff if the time comes for marketing my writing. I have thought of some costumes and scenes I would want. I got some great headshots that I can use on books instead of the selfies I have been using. It was an idea that I thought about for a minute. But I think that would totally deter me from my passion and I would have to learn a totally foreign industry to me. So Jill is photogenic too.
I really think this magazine piece may be the key to finding agent. I really have no excuse for not doing the research on finding agents, other than I get too self absorbed and in my own head. I've tried a couple of what are called queries and I don't think I am doing it right or asking the right people. I am just clueless. I guess this Bipolar Magazine is more for artistry of people with bipolar. I will just put what he wrote here:
Sometimes I forget how well I can do in casual social situations...even when I am nervous. I didn't know that for nineteen years...just thought I needed at least two to be social and "ten" to really come alive. But it all went just great. Everyone was nice. The valedictorian took particular interest in me...I would have rivaled that boy had I not been so interested in being popular! Also the gal I had mentioned not wanting to see for a million reasons was very nice and said she had never gotten my amends letter a few years back. That explains why I never heard back! We both said "oh well" and hugged. Yes...and I didn't go into details about whats been going on with me except to say I struggled with bipolar. And I mentioned my book and the upcoming magazine submission.
I think after seeing how people were at Warm Springs that I a super lucky that I can be eloquent and socially pertinent and funny in the right moment and such. I know that most people with mental illness do not get this gift. I said that they weren't my people and I didn't identify, mainly because I couldn't get any to corroborate my beliefs, whatsoever. I do not have a similar story to anyone I have met and its starting to get weird.
I've already trashed the idea of being a model...it just felt good to be told I could do it because I had never tried. And lets just say the dude really talked me up and explained a lot of it to me, on the drive home from the stars. I thought it will come in handy to know I can do that kind of stuff if the time comes for marketing my writing. I have thought of some costumes and scenes I would want. I got some great headshots that I can use on books instead of the selfies I have been using. It was an idea that I thought about for a minute. But I think that would totally deter me from my passion and I would have to learn a totally foreign industry to me. So Jill is photogenic too.
I really think this magazine piece may be the key to finding agent. I really have no excuse for not doing the research on finding agents, other than I get too self absorbed and in my own head. I've tried a couple of what are called queries and I don't think I am doing it right or asking the right people. I am just clueless. I guess this Bipolar Magazine is more for artistry of people with bipolar. I will just put what he wrote here:
Hi Miranda-
Thank you so much for your submission. I found your writing very sincere and an important read for people. I would like to publish something of yours, particularly the letter you wrote to us even in part.
I do want to be clear that this magazine is an art magazine. It includes visual works by important international artists, as well as poetry and non fiction writings from even a criminal attorney. The magazine's primary focus is not mental health but an avenue to see and read great works by people with something important to say, which is what I think you have done.
Let me know if you would still like to be featured.
Thanks so much
William
So then he emailed me again and asked for four pieces. I sent three poems and my article. I sent Pearl Harvest
So anyway I am just really praying for something to pop with this! I get ridiculed so much for my writing hobby-job that I that I don't get paid for! It makes me all the more passionate and believing in myself. I do know I haven't really tried shit as far as marketing outside of Billings...and I think frankly the gal on FB is right people are sick of hearing it. Like get over it and stuff...well its all still freaking happening to me! But Billings, Montana is not the whole world....and that magazine is international! Maybe I will get invited to share enlightenment with Buddhists! Lol you never know!
I have always dreamed big with this...and my story is hard to live, but maybe it will all be worth it!!!
On another note I keep getting crap computers from the pawn shop...see I couldn't even put a space at the beginning of a new paragraph. This is the second on and it spazzes out and malfunctions left and right as I am trying to type! And I type as fast as I think so I can't have all those interruptions. I miss my laptop that has been here for me through it all! You know that one that was in police evidence for a year!
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