Yeah I just had a night where I wanted to drink again...but I got home and got a call and a friend of a friend said that Adam looks good now. And so many people were telling me he didn't...so maybe he is ok??? That is such a relief to hear good news about him...I was worried sick. I want to see him looking good but I know that is not possible. I am just so happy to hear good news. I thought about the time I just knew I was gonna make money on my book and I was gonna buy him a white Dodge Ram brand new. I saw a black one today and thought I would like mine in black! Ah yin yang! That would be so kickass!
So to add to Jill's resume today I made herbal home remedies and homemade egg noodles for Farmers Market with Jane, Dragons mom and the one who has the greenhouse. We stopped by Dragons to pick up six dozen eggs and I stopped myself from spying on his house. I was real curious if he still had the dragons on display I gave him and all the other decor we had picked out together. I hadn't seen their horses yet so I went and peaked on them. I was sad for a second but I really do realize he wasn't the one...made a super replacement for quite some time, but I can't deny all the amazing shit that has happened in my life since we walked away. It's all good!
So I go to the six o'clock meeting and left cause I was bored...yes it gets boring. Five years yes I know a little bit about it. So I go out to my car and suddenly it's I want to drink again...for more morbid reasons than last night. And then I imagined the awful things they teach you about alcoholic deaths and I was like I am about to be published, I can't give up "5 minutes before the miracle!" So I called my sponsor and she said call three women in the program. I am like who? I don't talk to anyone outside of meetings except Facebook! I was like damn dude I am some sort of surface level social butterfly! I'm a freaking loner! It's so weird because I have changed so much sober. I am back to being how I was when I was a little girl. And I am not sure if that is what I want or not? But it sure would be nice the next time I feel like drinking to know three women to call? That's what the program is supposed to be about!
I don't usually struggle with wanting to drink so it freaks me out that it has sounded good the last two nights. I think it's because my mood has just dropped down to probably a normal level. Overall good day and I am excited that Adam is doing ok. At least from appearances. God I miss him.
So to add to Jill's resume today I made herbal home remedies and homemade egg noodles for Farmers Market with Jane, Dragons mom and the one who has the greenhouse. We stopped by Dragons to pick up six dozen eggs and I stopped myself from spying on his house. I was real curious if he still had the dragons on display I gave him and all the other decor we had picked out together. I hadn't seen their horses yet so I went and peaked on them. I was sad for a second but I really do realize he wasn't the one...made a super replacement for quite some time, but I can't deny all the amazing shit that has happened in my life since we walked away. It's all good!
So I go to the six o'clock meeting and left cause I was bored...yes it gets boring. Five years yes I know a little bit about it. So I go out to my car and suddenly it's I want to drink again...for more morbid reasons than last night. And then I imagined the awful things they teach you about alcoholic deaths and I was like I am about to be published, I can't give up "5 minutes before the miracle!" So I called my sponsor and she said call three women in the program. I am like who? I don't talk to anyone outside of meetings except Facebook! I was like damn dude I am some sort of surface level social butterfly! I'm a freaking loner! It's so weird because I have changed so much sober. I am back to being how I was when I was a little girl. And I am not sure if that is what I want or not? But it sure would be nice the next time I feel like drinking to know three women to call? That's what the program is supposed to be about!
I don't usually struggle with wanting to drink so it freaks me out that it has sounded good the last two nights. I think it's because my mood has just dropped down to probably a normal level. Overall good day and I am excited that Adam is doing ok. At least from appearances. God I miss him.
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