Ok so my "man picker" might be a little broken. Yeah so I say I like recovered felons...that was my ex, that was Adam...and that was Dragon....and maybe a few other dudes I have been attracted to lol. But maybe that is just where I am hanging out? I know I didn't even really know what a felony was when I met my ex and I certainly didn't know how him having 9 felonies was gonna effect my life? Yes, lets make babies...lets do! OMG. Like I was straight out of ultrasound school living the high life in Bellevue Seattle...spoiled as shit with credit cards and paid $24,000 just to attend school for a company? I mean like it was my money to spend. So felons were not in my life at that time! I should have stayed in Washington! DUH.
Maybe they are a breed? A cut. A little rough around the edges...little lost boys looking for a home? I don't know exactly but I like a good redemption story, because I want my own. So anyway I was thinking I wonder what made me trust Adam enough to write him my entire life story in a 300 page book? My intentions were never to be public about this writing thing...I was writing him a letter because I figured out why I had fallen in love after six dukn weeks. I wanted to work on myself and recover from alcoholism so that I could be of value to him. Writing to him helped me leave him alone and concentrate on my sobriety and in the mean time I think he was beginning to hate me while I fell more in love with the romance. I saw him at meetings all the time...my lil bank robber, lol...but what I don't get is what was it about him that made me trust him to tell my entire life?
We had talked a lot. Even though he claims he doesn't talk much. I think he is intelligent about the world in ways that I am not. I am starting to get hazy on specific memories of conversations after four years...but just something pierced my soul is all I can say. And now what started out as a letter is a regular update on this blog and I don't care who reads it or not! Kind of bolder than I ever thought I was!
Anyway, I've never really been to into dudes. Pretty careless with them actually, and they vice versa. Just a drunk flirt that liked attention, but no real care. So this is all new to me. I got asked out on another date. And I do explain why I am not dating...and it sounds ridiculous! LOL. I don't date ya see...cause I got this character in a book (and a dead one) that I must keep alive in my heart! I gots goals! OH yes, eccentric writer of love stories that will for sure be famous! Thanks for calling me a beautiful lady "fifty times" (generally creepy)...have a good day now! Bye, bye.
Choices. Choices and dilemmas. I am never gonna be normal. I don't know if I will ever meet another dude that I would trust to be up to the task of dealing with my psycho, lol! I gotta fricken do this! I assessed that Adam was extremely strong emotionally and mentally in our short time together (did I mention great abs too)...and he ran a million miles away, down the street lol! Hides in his shop never to be seen again. Boo. Never seen him. He is a ghost.
My assessment is that I am a real big lover. My assessment is dudes more like consistency and not the threat of being beat up over a black ball cap. I really don't think I can hit all that hard, I need to take a class and learn...lol jk! But still its the concept of it. Yes that's pretty rare and hadn't had anything like that happen since 2013 and before that never...romantically I just think I need a man that would hug me and hold me until I calmed down...you know when I get really pissed about things like abortion. Yes it was needing Jake Black's hat color on my head in that moment....and then it escalated into being about the murdering of souls. Hmmm...I am pretty romantic to think I could get a body hold hug from a dude with a temper in that moment. Adam has a temper and I thought it was sexy. He could probably be a leper and I would still find him attractive. This is all extremely "romantic" talk, isn't it?
Yep I can romanticize the fuk out of a dude getting his rocks off with me for six weeks, four years ago. Pretty darn special if ya ask me! I mean I am! To be able to take that energy and utilize it as love for this long I must be a mystic. Yes there I said it I am a mystical creature and not a mental one. I've been doing some research and I just like the sound of it better than "mentally ill." No worries I will stay on my Big Pharma meds mom...no worries.
So as far as this assessment goes. I am an eccentric writer. Unless you are dead, and I loved you in sixth grade or you identify with being my bank robbing "Adam," with abs intact, you need not apply. Maybe if my mysticism chills the fuk out for awhile, and I get the fantasy book finished and there is still no man in my life...I will go to India and assume the lotus position, for quite some time. I want to see how the rest of the world responds to my spiritual experiences...not just damn Billings, MT...I don't like your stigma, and I know that it is not like this everywhere.
Assessment complete!
Here is my little man giving an example of how men react to me! This was not staged lol!!!
Funny Love Video!
Maybe they are a breed? A cut. A little rough around the edges...little lost boys looking for a home? I don't know exactly but I like a good redemption story, because I want my own. So anyway I was thinking I wonder what made me trust Adam enough to write him my entire life story in a 300 page book? My intentions were never to be public about this writing thing...I was writing him a letter because I figured out why I had fallen in love after six dukn weeks. I wanted to work on myself and recover from alcoholism so that I could be of value to him. Writing to him helped me leave him alone and concentrate on my sobriety and in the mean time I think he was beginning to hate me while I fell more in love with the romance. I saw him at meetings all the time...my lil bank robber, lol...but what I don't get is what was it about him that made me trust him to tell my entire life?
We had talked a lot. Even though he claims he doesn't talk much. I think he is intelligent about the world in ways that I am not. I am starting to get hazy on specific memories of conversations after four years...but just something pierced my soul is all I can say. And now what started out as a letter is a regular update on this blog and I don't care who reads it or not! Kind of bolder than I ever thought I was!
Anyway, I've never really been to into dudes. Pretty careless with them actually, and they vice versa. Just a drunk flirt that liked attention, but no real care. So this is all new to me. I got asked out on another date. And I do explain why I am not dating...and it sounds ridiculous! LOL. I don't date ya see...cause I got this character in a book (and a dead one) that I must keep alive in my heart! I gots goals! OH yes, eccentric writer of love stories that will for sure be famous! Thanks for calling me a beautiful lady "fifty times" (generally creepy)...have a good day now! Bye, bye.
Choices. Choices and dilemmas. I am never gonna be normal. I don't know if I will ever meet another dude that I would trust to be up to the task of dealing with my psycho, lol! I gotta fricken do this! I assessed that Adam was extremely strong emotionally and mentally in our short time together (did I mention great abs too)...and he ran a million miles away, down the street lol! Hides in his shop never to be seen again. Boo. Never seen him. He is a ghost.
My assessment is that I am a real big lover. My assessment is dudes more like consistency and not the threat of being beat up over a black ball cap. I really don't think I can hit all that hard, I need to take a class and learn...lol jk! But still its the concept of it. Yes that's pretty rare and hadn't had anything like that happen since 2013 and before that never...romantically I just think I need a man that would hug me and hold me until I calmed down...you know when I get really pissed about things like abortion. Yes it was needing Jake Black's hat color on my head in that moment....and then it escalated into being about the murdering of souls. Hmmm...I am pretty romantic to think I could get a body hold hug from a dude with a temper in that moment. Adam has a temper and I thought it was sexy. He could probably be a leper and I would still find him attractive. This is all extremely "romantic" talk, isn't it?
Yep I can romanticize the fuk out of a dude getting his rocks off with me for six weeks, four years ago. Pretty darn special if ya ask me! I mean I am! To be able to take that energy and utilize it as love for this long I must be a mystic. Yes there I said it I am a mystical creature and not a mental one. I've been doing some research and I just like the sound of it better than "mentally ill." No worries I will stay on my Big Pharma meds mom...no worries.
So as far as this assessment goes. I am an eccentric writer. Unless you are dead, and I loved you in sixth grade or you identify with being my bank robbing "Adam," with abs intact, you need not apply. Maybe if my mysticism chills the fuk out for awhile, and I get the fantasy book finished and there is still no man in my life...I will go to India and assume the lotus position, for quite some time. I want to see how the rest of the world responds to my spiritual experiences...not just damn Billings, MT...I don't like your stigma, and I know that it is not like this everywhere.
Assessment complete!
Here is my little man giving an example of how men react to me! This was not staged lol!!!
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