Your the blood in my veins your the war that I wage can you change me? Starset Monster song again gives me chills. I am the monster and I've developed this theory that my noggin was opened like Pandora's box and guess who's the only one that can close it who is alive? Yep that one, the one that opened it. Pretty still hell bent on the soul mate theory. Pretty hell bent I wouldn't be convinced four years later if it wasn't true and maybe that's because I believe my psychosis since 18 is real and valid and spiritual. Always thought he was healing to me and now I've just got the rampid brain exponential explosion of sobriety pinned on him unlocking it. Like a fukn floodgate of synapses and channels creating...well a monster. I do believe I am a spiritual realm player though and what looks kooky here is really quite extraordinary to the realm.
I've started to remember some of my last experience. I think I was called in by the construction company building by my apartment. Ya see I just had to go and get all those cuties in carharts involved! I had signed one of my books to the Champagnes...Brad is recently an angel and I adore his family he left behind. He is a soldier in Gods army now. So that day I threw that book down into the mud off my balcony. I motioned to a dude to come hither and I yelled off my balcony "some people say that his last name didn't matter...well it does!" What little man didn't know as the time being as he cordially smiled and said ok was their high fence was the Aushwitz fence! I later strattled this high fence that was not all that sturdy and dropped over a lollipop as a sign of release from encampment. At some point I had also sacrifice my laptop off the balcony as an act of obedience to what was playing out in my head and those details are foggy. Yes the cops came and I am told I did not go peacefully. Sorry lady cop!
The hospital is real foggy. I remember being naked a lot and the report says I wouldn't keep my clothes on. Again I was in charge of an army and was trying to pick locks with the snakes in my hair. I got socked in the jaw by another psychotic bitch that ended up at Warm Springs with me to my pleasure! Man she hit me hard...glad she didn't get my chompers! I don't remember anything that happened with except I was jiving off her hollering Jeshua and maybe that's around the time I started painting walls with my own blood. Yes you know you've gone mad when you're willing to paint with your period. And it's like I always hallucinate writing on those walls...guess I needed to put my own Sanskrit on there. And then the only other thing I remember is the dude standing outside my window peaking in at me naked and his face and hair would change right before my eyes to many men I had known from my past. The report says I was hypersexual and I do declare I pressed my breasts against the glass. Lol cray!
So I could control who this dude turned into and I said I want to see Adam! And there he was! Yup seen him! What a trip! I don't know if he wears his hair pulled back Like not in a full ponytail but just like the bangs pulled back...but yes curly black hair and yep his face imprinted in my memory. It's kinda amazing but I have not been scared of my trips these past few times. I just feel powerful like a Goddess in the psych ward but I don't even know that's where I am at.
Coming out of it is scary though. And as cool as it is to have these experiences they are dangerous for my brain. Meds aren't working...they are a joke I've taken them for 20 years and I've been taking them through all this. The ability to control hallucinations is new to me and it just makes me wonder what God has in store for me.
My plans always get wrecked I should just stop making them...unfortunately that is not my personality. Always have goals. Still planning to sue the city just been very sidetracked. Like very.
Goodnight peeps from the "Monster!"
I've started to remember some of my last experience. I think I was called in by the construction company building by my apartment. Ya see I just had to go and get all those cuties in carharts involved! I had signed one of my books to the Champagnes...Brad is recently an angel and I adore his family he left behind. He is a soldier in Gods army now. So that day I threw that book down into the mud off my balcony. I motioned to a dude to come hither and I yelled off my balcony "some people say that his last name didn't matter...well it does!" What little man didn't know as the time being as he cordially smiled and said ok was their high fence was the Aushwitz fence! I later strattled this high fence that was not all that sturdy and dropped over a lollipop as a sign of release from encampment. At some point I had also sacrifice my laptop off the balcony as an act of obedience to what was playing out in my head and those details are foggy. Yes the cops came and I am told I did not go peacefully. Sorry lady cop!
The hospital is real foggy. I remember being naked a lot and the report says I wouldn't keep my clothes on. Again I was in charge of an army and was trying to pick locks with the snakes in my hair. I got socked in the jaw by another psychotic bitch that ended up at Warm Springs with me to my pleasure! Man she hit me hard...glad she didn't get my chompers! I don't remember anything that happened with except I was jiving off her hollering Jeshua and maybe that's around the time I started painting walls with my own blood. Yes you know you've gone mad when you're willing to paint with your period. And it's like I always hallucinate writing on those walls...guess I needed to put my own Sanskrit on there. And then the only other thing I remember is the dude standing outside my window peaking in at me naked and his face and hair would change right before my eyes to many men I had known from my past. The report says I was hypersexual and I do declare I pressed my breasts against the glass. Lol cray!
So I could control who this dude turned into and I said I want to see Adam! And there he was! Yup seen him! What a trip! I don't know if he wears his hair pulled back Like not in a full ponytail but just like the bangs pulled back...but yes curly black hair and yep his face imprinted in my memory. It's kinda amazing but I have not been scared of my trips these past few times. I just feel powerful like a Goddess in the psych ward but I don't even know that's where I am at.
Coming out of it is scary though. And as cool as it is to have these experiences they are dangerous for my brain. Meds aren't working...they are a joke I've taken them for 20 years and I've been taking them through all this. The ability to control hallucinations is new to me and it just makes me wonder what God has in store for me.
My plans always get wrecked I should just stop making them...unfortunately that is not my personality. Always have goals. Still planning to sue the city just been very sidetracked. Like very.
Goodnight peeps from the "Monster!"
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