LOL. It was so hot in my no AC car I am blogging in my skivvies! There is a visual for you! Well the meeting was on spirituality and I feel very lost on that topic right now. I had a lot to say. Have not found a church in Billings that is Christian that believes in reincarnation...and since I remember past lives that's what I decided to believe. All my spiritual stuff makes me believe in that. But its that I have never been taught that.
My share was very uncomfortable for me...because I am just usually used to saying...yep "Jesus" is the only way I am firm on that. Now saying there are missing parts of the bible, and I might be a spiritual witch! OMG!!! This is New Age stuff which I have always been wary of...thought it was evil.
One guy prided me on growing up, and he is a Christian and said he thought it was great that I was looking deeper for meaning. I really do need to get to Barjon's which is a New Age type book store. I need friggin help!!!
I'm still debating on a roommate...or a man. I am like a little freaked right now that I can't stop this shit from happening and I always believed it was gonna get better in sobriety. Maybe if I am more open with my home group with what to watch for??? I mean seriously I see the same people like every day...but if I can't tell maybe they can't tell either? Until its too late and everyone can tell!
I am kinda pissed at the world right now. And I know that is not fair. Help me! Help me! Understand me....love me...love me! Do as I say...make me happy...take care of me....give me money...take care of my kids...etc. Its a serious backslide for me. I have obvious entitlement issues. I think not having a car and being broke for two weeks was A) very complicated and B) made me feel fearful and alone C) Plus I had just been threatened with Warm Springs...so of course I am gonna start grabbing for people. And then I get angry and resentful when they don't do what I want. Plus I just didn't get enough milk!!! Mmmm...love milk and you need calcium especially in your coffee! No creamer or milk in my coffee for two weeks? Shoot me please! Yes I lost my whole wallet so no food stamps either! Rough, rough, redneck I must be! I also had to ask neighbors for toilet paper, lol...so not my style! Ran out of toothpaste too...Yes you must agree this was hell. Lol.
Of course I am saying I need a man! Holy shit the past month of my life has been tragic! Besides the magical journey to heaven, that was awesome...but coming down and like oh I am super alone right now? There are no spirits making love to me anymore....fricken gosh darnit anyway!!! Right? Jesus didn't come back either and there is still pain and suffering on the earth. Really? Gosh darnit again!!! And by the way and thank God that when I was walking through the city barefoot I didn't end up at Adam's! Thank God this heaven was about Jake...because I do not need more felonies. And now its my love triangle and who will I pick and I get to finish my second book! I was so stumped on it until this happened! Delusional AF, but its an interesting plot!
And not to be cliché but this too shall pass, and I will recover and I will be fine again. Its a temporary shitty situation. And I am actually embarrassed of my ad now...but I will leave it up...because I leave all my blogs up, that's just what I do...document the fuk out of my life! It keeps me happy in the least and gives me a hobby.
I was digging this song today by Thirty Seconds To Mars...Singing at the top of my lungs to the angry parts...just wanted to feel tough I guess. What if I wanted to break? Laugh it all off in your face? You're killing me, killing me. What if I wanted to fight? And beg for the rest of my life? Bury me. Bury me I am finished with you. All I wanted was you. This is who I really am inside. I think the dual people in the video represent who you think you are maybe growing up and who you really are inside. Finding yourself.
They have a copy infringement on the official video so I couldn't embed it, but it super cool and I just watched it so check it out! Here is a link! MWAAAAA from me with my "crappy needy attitude" and blogging in my panties, its kind of fun! Get free people...get free! lol.
THE KILL
My share was very uncomfortable for me...because I am just usually used to saying...yep "Jesus" is the only way I am firm on that. Now saying there are missing parts of the bible, and I might be a spiritual witch! OMG!!! This is New Age stuff which I have always been wary of...thought it was evil.
One guy prided me on growing up, and he is a Christian and said he thought it was great that I was looking deeper for meaning. I really do need to get to Barjon's which is a New Age type book store. I need friggin help!!!
I'm still debating on a roommate...or a man. I am like a little freaked right now that I can't stop this shit from happening and I always believed it was gonna get better in sobriety. Maybe if I am more open with my home group with what to watch for??? I mean seriously I see the same people like every day...but if I can't tell maybe they can't tell either? Until its too late and everyone can tell!
I am kinda pissed at the world right now. And I know that is not fair. Help me! Help me! Understand me....love me...love me! Do as I say...make me happy...take care of me....give me money...take care of my kids...etc. Its a serious backslide for me. I have obvious entitlement issues. I think not having a car and being broke for two weeks was A) very complicated and B) made me feel fearful and alone C) Plus I had just been threatened with Warm Springs...so of course I am gonna start grabbing for people. And then I get angry and resentful when they don't do what I want. Plus I just didn't get enough milk!!! Mmmm...love milk and you need calcium especially in your coffee! No creamer or milk in my coffee for two weeks? Shoot me please! Yes I lost my whole wallet so no food stamps either! Rough, rough, redneck I must be! I also had to ask neighbors for toilet paper, lol...so not my style! Ran out of toothpaste too...Yes you must agree this was hell. Lol.
Of course I am saying I need a man! Holy shit the past month of my life has been tragic! Besides the magical journey to heaven, that was awesome...but coming down and like oh I am super alone right now? There are no spirits making love to me anymore....fricken gosh darnit anyway!!! Right? Jesus didn't come back either and there is still pain and suffering on the earth. Really? Gosh darnit again!!! And by the way and thank God that when I was walking through the city barefoot I didn't end up at Adam's! Thank God this heaven was about Jake...because I do not need more felonies. And now its my love triangle and who will I pick and I get to finish my second book! I was so stumped on it until this happened! Delusional AF, but its an interesting plot!
And not to be cliché but this too shall pass, and I will recover and I will be fine again. Its a temporary shitty situation. And I am actually embarrassed of my ad now...but I will leave it up...because I leave all my blogs up, that's just what I do...document the fuk out of my life! It keeps me happy in the least and gives me a hobby.
I was digging this song today by Thirty Seconds To Mars...Singing at the top of my lungs to the angry parts...just wanted to feel tough I guess. What if I wanted to break? Laugh it all off in your face? You're killing me, killing me. What if I wanted to fight? And beg for the rest of my life? Bury me. Bury me I am finished with you. All I wanted was you. This is who I really am inside. I think the dual people in the video represent who you think you are maybe growing up and who you really are inside. Finding yourself.
They have a copy infringement on the official video so I couldn't embed it, but it super cool and I just watched it so check it out! Here is a link! MWAAAAA from me with my "crappy needy attitude" and blogging in my panties, its kind of fun! Get free people...get free! lol.
THE KILL
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