So I have had the thought before that there are spiritual forces in place keeping from being exposed in larger audiences, including my hometown where I have been a public figure and lived for most of my life. I am writing about "different" kinds of things...things I think are "movie quality" and yet I can't get an agent or increase my readership much. I know people glance from all over the world so there is some interest...but I just decided with my "one like" per blog that I have been writing for the spiritual realm!
I know I have felt this and dismissed it many times. And also I have thought if I just find a way to get my name out there more...then maybe. So I boost posts on FB. And then my ex told me today that FB was not my friend! And I will ostracize even more people by saying things like "legalize drugs" because they will have no basis of why I would say such a terrible thing!
Someone in AA complimented me the other day on just being myself. That felt good...but I am not completely myself in AA meetings, haha! I hold a lot back. And I am learning that is to protect myself in public...and that it is necessary! The world is not ready to hear what I have to say! And then I think everybody knows too, and that's where it gets confusing...so I just use my discernment that I have had to learn the hard way...and generally the response is people have no fukn clue what I am talking about. BUT when I was in heaven everyone was playing the same games.
You can't make this shit up! I feel like the 'town lunatic" about to invent something real awesome like a light bulb! And how many other people were not believed when they first started talking about their ideas? ALOT! Even Jesus! No Doubt!
I was told not to tell my kids my beliefs by my exes girlfriend. For real told what to do with my own kids! She texted me this request. So what story am I gonna stick with is the reason I go to jails and hospitals? No answer. I was like so you just want me to sit back well my ex completely discredits me out of their lives as just all crazy and no merit? Even though he believes almost exactly like me...he doesn't want to buy into my "spiritual bullshit." Even though he researches things exactly like the stuff I talk about that I have come to from my experiences? Weird! A DISCONNECT SIGNAL! For sure! Its like I am the missing piece for him to understand all the stuff he researches and he can't hear me or see me! But sometimes it seems our conversations are in tune...and then he is yelling at me!
So I saw today as spiritual. My ex and I were fighting over purchased property from the Fischer's that I gave the boys for Christmas a PlayStation...and I saw the whole argument as spiritual. Our boy wanted to keep switching it between households. Justin said no way. I said no just leave it. So Justin started yelling at Mitchell, and I jumped in and said it wasn't his fault we cant afford to have these kinds of things at both houses. And it made me think about what divorce does to children. Especially ones with an insatiable need for more. I said to Justin don't we have a treaty between our families by now? I meant the Nehus-Delaney's that's where my mind was...and trading and all that. And who cares who purchased or brought what into the household by now? Just that it is not our children's fault that divorce and broken families are a staple in the world. A STAPLE!!!
Staples bind paper together. Staple marriage and birth certificates together! Or write them in bibles...or write them on cave walls. Someone someday will see the writing on the walls! And I think that is me! I remember one time in psych I thought I was a cave woman trapped in my room and I saw writing on my cave walls! I remember 2010 I was praying after my grand mal seizure five months pregnant with Evan and I said, why me God? What am I suppose to think of this? He said "Consider it a Gift."
Justin said Mitchell didn't listen to him just like how I used to not listen to him when he would yell and carry on being the alpha male that knew everything about everything. These things are a balance between realms. I think Mitchell is gifted too and he said don't put him in your box. I said my box was amazing and enlightening and he got even more pissed.
So I said to the girlfriend I wouldn't tell my kids all my beliefs because it would overwhelm them. She didn't want her kids effected either. I also said why do people believe in their dreams and that God exists but when they hear anything new about it, or that is not conventional, they freak out the idea is just "too crazy."
Well crazy people change the world (I've heard!) Lol.
I know I have felt this and dismissed it many times. And also I have thought if I just find a way to get my name out there more...then maybe. So I boost posts on FB. And then my ex told me today that FB was not my friend! And I will ostracize even more people by saying things like "legalize drugs" because they will have no basis of why I would say such a terrible thing!
Someone in AA complimented me the other day on just being myself. That felt good...but I am not completely myself in AA meetings, haha! I hold a lot back. And I am learning that is to protect myself in public...and that it is necessary! The world is not ready to hear what I have to say! And then I think everybody knows too, and that's where it gets confusing...so I just use my discernment that I have had to learn the hard way...and generally the response is people have no fukn clue what I am talking about. BUT when I was in heaven everyone was playing the same games.
You can't make this shit up! I feel like the 'town lunatic" about to invent something real awesome like a light bulb! And how many other people were not believed when they first started talking about their ideas? ALOT! Even Jesus! No Doubt!
I was told not to tell my kids my beliefs by my exes girlfriend. For real told what to do with my own kids! She texted me this request. So what story am I gonna stick with is the reason I go to jails and hospitals? No answer. I was like so you just want me to sit back well my ex completely discredits me out of their lives as just all crazy and no merit? Even though he believes almost exactly like me...he doesn't want to buy into my "spiritual bullshit." Even though he researches things exactly like the stuff I talk about that I have come to from my experiences? Weird! A DISCONNECT SIGNAL! For sure! Its like I am the missing piece for him to understand all the stuff he researches and he can't hear me or see me! But sometimes it seems our conversations are in tune...and then he is yelling at me!
So I saw today as spiritual. My ex and I were fighting over purchased property from the Fischer's that I gave the boys for Christmas a PlayStation...and I saw the whole argument as spiritual. Our boy wanted to keep switching it between households. Justin said no way. I said no just leave it. So Justin started yelling at Mitchell, and I jumped in and said it wasn't his fault we cant afford to have these kinds of things at both houses. And it made me think about what divorce does to children. Especially ones with an insatiable need for more. I said to Justin don't we have a treaty between our families by now? I meant the Nehus-Delaney's that's where my mind was...and trading and all that. And who cares who purchased or brought what into the household by now? Just that it is not our children's fault that divorce and broken families are a staple in the world. A STAPLE!!!
Staples bind paper together. Staple marriage and birth certificates together! Or write them in bibles...or write them on cave walls. Someone someday will see the writing on the walls! And I think that is me! I remember one time in psych I thought I was a cave woman trapped in my room and I saw writing on my cave walls! I remember 2010 I was praying after my grand mal seizure five months pregnant with Evan and I said, why me God? What am I suppose to think of this? He said "Consider it a Gift."
Justin said Mitchell didn't listen to him just like how I used to not listen to him when he would yell and carry on being the alpha male that knew everything about everything. These things are a balance between realms. I think Mitchell is gifted too and he said don't put him in your box. I said my box was amazing and enlightening and he got even more pissed.
So I said to the girlfriend I wouldn't tell my kids all my beliefs because it would overwhelm them. She didn't want her kids effected either. I also said why do people believe in their dreams and that God exists but when they hear anything new about it, or that is not conventional, they freak out the idea is just "too crazy."
Well crazy people change the world (I've heard!) Lol.
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