I don't think I could have a better attitude about being absolutely bonkers. I am staying pretty positive in all this and that shows growth in me. My self image should be somewhere near the gutter, but Gods not allowing that. I just defended myself on fb it gets hard everyone asking if I am ok. I mean this is my lot in life and I just want to be myself and be able to accept whatever I M dealt and not always have everyone so concerned... I mean aren't they used to it? I can't help it this happens to me it's just how I was made...I think patronizing is the right word here. I don't like that kind of attention...yes I am bonkers! Yes I go to the psych ward. And yes I am always ok! I don't even freak out about it happening anymore...its just like another day in the life! And then bam back to serenity!
It is truly disappointing that my delusions are not real though. Millionairess sounds nice. Married to someone that came back from the dead at a lake sounds nice. I know Jake was there with me. It's a gut wrenching twist to come out of it and say that was all in my head...and how the hell does it really happen? Not brain chemistry. And further more that I can't find anyone with my same diagnosis that relates to my story is just a big kicker that it is spiritual in nature.
I've got to write a more journalistic piece for the Bipolar Magazine. They liked my outline of my psychosis story that led up to Adam. Yes I am the real deal. Who wouldn't want the kind of passion unless they were insane themselves!?? Huh yeah I've thought that before too...I wondered if Adam hears voices? Well at least my voices don't talk to much anymore. Definently in my crossover book both Adam and Eve can hear! You wouldn't want them to be so disconnected ...they both have to be able to hear Concord. I just make Adam be whoever I need him to be...how special my Ken Doll is! He's gonna move away soon I can feel it's creeping up my back in an awful sense of loss. He prolly has too much to live up to at this point ...I just need one more hug and I could prolly keep him my character the rest of my life. But of course that's a Flatt idea...and in Concord there is also Jake. So both my decisions are extremely creepy and I wouldn't have it any other way! Well I don't think they are creepy but I know how the world views it.
I got a laptop! Yeah had to got to the pawn shop but that's ok! I am a ghetto warrior princess on a mission. Anyway bye from Bonkerss!
It is truly disappointing that my delusions are not real though. Millionairess sounds nice. Married to someone that came back from the dead at a lake sounds nice. I know Jake was there with me. It's a gut wrenching twist to come out of it and say that was all in my head...and how the hell does it really happen? Not brain chemistry. And further more that I can't find anyone with my same diagnosis that relates to my story is just a big kicker that it is spiritual in nature.
I've got to write a more journalistic piece for the Bipolar Magazine. They liked my outline of my psychosis story that led up to Adam. Yes I am the real deal. Who wouldn't want the kind of passion unless they were insane themselves!?? Huh yeah I've thought that before too...I wondered if Adam hears voices? Well at least my voices don't talk to much anymore. Definently in my crossover book both Adam and Eve can hear! You wouldn't want them to be so disconnected ...they both have to be able to hear Concord. I just make Adam be whoever I need him to be...how special my Ken Doll is! He's gonna move away soon I can feel it's creeping up my back in an awful sense of loss. He prolly has too much to live up to at this point ...I just need one more hug and I could prolly keep him my character the rest of my life. But of course that's a Flatt idea...and in Concord there is also Jake. So both my decisions are extremely creepy and I wouldn't have it any other way! Well I don't think they are creepy but I know how the world views it.
I got a laptop! Yeah had to got to the pawn shop but that's ok! I am a ghetto warrior princess on a mission. Anyway bye from Bonkerss!
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